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[16 February 2015 @ 2:11 pm] |
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Well. If I have to be stuck to someone, at least it's somebody that I like.
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[20 January 2015 @ 7:47 pm] |
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So, I've decided that I need to get out more. It's not good for me to stay cooped up inside, even though Eli is always entertaining. That being said, I'm not sure what I should do to occupy my time, although I would like to try jogging. I hear it is good exercise and helps clear your mind.
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[25 November 2014 @ 9:11 pm] |
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mood |
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[Warded private, though family and friends are able to break]
[shaky, tearstains]
We should have gone together. It was just... seeing her, in the walkway like that, just... it was like... it was seeing Jasper all over again. I just...
It's bloody not fair. I never got to know her at home, and when I return to that life at home I'll never have these memories, these pictures, these wonderful mementos of my auntie. I shouldn't have to rely on just pictures and memories now. Why her? She was so good to everyone.
And I just... I'm so tired of being broken. I'm tired of hoping each new day isn't a struggle. I can't sit here and hide anymore. Her memory is too valuable to sit here and be broken anymore. I mean, I know it's not as easy to just decide to not be like this anymore, but... baby steps. I think.
[Family]
I love you all. Let me know if there is anything... anything at all that I can do.
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[11 November 2014 @ 4:37 pm] |
Okay. I know sometime my own sanity is questionable, but how can I just lose three weeks like that? I was doing so well, and then it's just like... nothing. The only other time I've blanked out was when -- Please tell me nothing catastrophic happened?
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[23 September 2014 @ 4:20 pm] |
Sorry if you saw me wandering around looking kind of lost earlier. It's hard to wake up to an empty house, especially when just a few months ago three of us lived there.
At least I know my future self in Frankie's time is taking care of him. Even if he doesn't want me to.
[Uncle Eddie & Aunt Sally]
I know we've been here a while, and that you've offered to have me stay with you more than once. Is it okay if I finally take you up on that offer? I don't want to live in a house by myself, and I know I'll be comfortable living with you.
If not, it's okay. I don't want to impose.
[/Ward]
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[13 August 2014 @ 9:23 pm] |
Sometimes I love this place, and sometimes I hate this place. I don't know what staying in a place so volatile will do for my recovery.
[Frankie and AJ]
Don't be alarmed if you hear loud screams noises in the night sometimes. I -- am a restless sleeper. If you want to move, or want me to move, I completely understand, but I won't leave you if you don't want me to, I promise.
[Draco Malfoy]
Erm, hi. Thank you for the birthday gift, by the by. I just --
How have you gotten by here without a Healer? I don't know if I'm getting better or worse.
[Ernie/Justin]
I know I'm not Hannah, but --
How are
Maybe we should all get together and just hang out for a while.
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[18 July 2014 @ 8:20 am] |
[Private to self]
Personal Journal
Apparently they put drilled some hard to break habits into my head in the hospital, since I'm not there anymore and I'm still writing in here. It helps, though.
This place. I don't even know where to start. My family is here. It's mind blowing. I've been enjoying time with them. Auntie Amelia got married! And she's having a baby. I'm so excited for her. But I can't help but feel a tiny bit of jealousy when other people call her Aunt. I mean, yes, technically by marriage she's their aunt, and I apparently have a ton of cousins thanks to Uncle (?) Gideon (that makes him sound so old though), but... she was my auntie first, you know? And I had to lose her when I needed her the most, and now she's here and I have to share...
I sound horribly selfish. I can't help my feelings, though.
[/Ward]
It's not like me to not write in my journal for a long period of time, but I've been sorting a few things out. That and half the time I'm not really sure I want to share my thoughts so I don't say anything. I'm working at the grocery store now.
[Friends/family]
I work at the store with Peter Pettigrew. It's scary, but he's closer to my age so we just kind of don't talk to each other unless we have to? But still...
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| age plot // one |
[13 June 2014 @ 12:34 pm] |
( ooc )
Personal Journal - Day 87.
Well. Made it this far, I guess. The leaves are changing. I love autumn. It reminds me when -- Only cried when I woke up so far today, but I haven't had my weekly session with Healer Anderson yet...
Went down to visit some people in the other wards. I guess I have it lucky, but... I don't know if I'm ready to go home yet. The thought scares me. Apparently I haven't gotten the hang of not screaming in my sleep yet. I wouldn't want to worry my parents that way.
Maybe I can convince one of the Healers to let me go out for a walk. Just a small one, maybe around the building. I know how to act like a Muggle. Or maybe just a Disillusionment Charm. Maybe the fresh air will do me good today.
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[2 May 2014 @ 8:02 pm] |
[Private]
So tired. So, so tired, but this is always the worst week of the year. It's funny how just the date of such a life-changing event can throw me off, even years later, but -- such is my brain. The whole demon thing a while a go didn't help. Neither does the fact that there is no mental Healer here. I'm doing okay without one but I always seem to need to see one for this particular reason.
Twelve years now since I lost him the first time, and many days since I lost him here. Vogg is gone too, now. I wasn't particularly close to him, but Jas was, and he was one of the few people who missed him as much as I did. So. There's that.
People fade sometimes, but some of us never forget, even when everyone else seems to.
Wonder when I will get a decent night's sleep.
[/Private]
For those of you who stopped by Smuggled today, and I was out of sorts, I apologise. It's been a long day week couple months twelve years day.
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[24 March 2014 @ 11:11 pm] |
[Warded away from DEs/Sympathizers]
I was doing night patrols so much that now I can't sleep.
Let's play a game. I'll tell you two truths and a lie, and you have to tell me what the lie is. (I saw it in a magazine at work.)
1. I'm afraid of heights.
2. I love sweets (especially baked goods).
3. Strawberries make me itchy.
Maybe this will take my mind off the nightmares and the memories. Mundane things. Yes.
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[10 March 2014 @ 7:51 pm] |
No. No.
I was coming home off my patrol watch, and I found Kosmo wandering around. He's agitated. We went back to Auntie's house.
There's no sign of her.
I just... this needs to stop. This is enough.
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[2 February 2014 @ 10:18 pm] |
[DA Members]
As you may or may not be aware, Megan Jones just arrived. She's from 1997 and fresh from detention, but sleeping now, thankfully.
Maybe in the morning once she's awake and somewhat rested, some of us can come see her? Help explain things? Her mum is here too, but... from before then. Maybe we can help explain things to both of them? I need you guys. I can't do this by myself. It brings back too many memories, and after last week
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[30 January 2014 @ 11:20 pm] |
Things are starting to go back to normal. That's good. Smuggled has finally restocked itself, too, now that the magic is back. That's good, too. It was looking emptier than usual there for a while.
[Cedric]
Hi. I know we haven't talked much lately and I hope you're well. I just... last time there was a team that went off and came back, you were in it, and I just would like to talk to someone who understands, you know?
[/Ward]
[Draco]
Hello. Do you, by chance, still have toes photographs you found a while ago? I was wondering if I could use my baby picture for a ... family project. Thanks.
[/Ward]
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[25 January 2014 @ 1:35 pm] |
Note to self: try to be more funny. Might come in handy when, oh, I don't know, you find a boggart and Riddikulus doesn't work.
Also, how does one go about sleeping after being scared to death?
Oh, yes. Checking in. Things are... going. We're still alive and unharmed, so... there's that.
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[13 January 2014 @ 8:06 am] |
Well then. I suppose it's a good thing I work at Smuggled. I can function okay without my wand, but I feel so vulnerable. And slow. I can always research it?
Actually, does anyone have any plates they don't need? I don't think Hannah will appreciate me breaking ours if I can't fix them.
[the following is supposed to be warded before Susan realises they don't work]
I can't pretend I'm okay for much longer. I feel numb. Powerless, literally. He was taken from me before and I felt so helpless, watching him die in front of me. Now he's just... gone. Again. Nothing I can do about it. I know I was lucky to see him again but... I don't know what to do.
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[3 November 2013 @ 4:42 pm] |
written after this
[Uncle Eddie and Aunt Sally]
...Emily is here. Frankie and I are on our way to get her right now. We can keep her at my place until you can come get her, or we can just stay with her there until you can come, or bring her to you, whatever you'd like. She's very young. How old was she for you when you got here?
[/Ward]
[Private to self (Hannah, Amelia and Jasper can read)]
My cousin is here. My cousin that I don't remember is here. My cousin that I don't remember who's supposed to be older than me is here, and she's six.
I might need a drink after this.
[/Ward]
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[21 October 2013 @ 10:18 pm] |
Oh. Quidditch. With a Quidditch star. When I've never played - that I can remember, anyway.
Oy.
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[5 October 2013 @ 3:05 pm] |
[Private]
For the first time in a long time, I haven't had a nightmare in a month. Something about being here is making me feel different, like I haven't felt in a long time. Maybe it's not having the stress of work, or feeling so incredibly lonely sometimes. My family and so many friends are here. It's hard to relate at first, being so much older than all of them, but they're the same people they've always been, and that's a comfort.
I think I'm starting to get used to this place.
[/Private]
I like the autumn. The weather has always been pleasant, and I love the colours of the leaves in the trees. When I was younger, I'd climb them and just look around, but I'm afraid I'm getting on in years now, so I suppose I'll settle for sitting under one.
[Lavender]
How are things? Would you like to come over for dinner sometime?
[/Private]
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[17 September 2013 @ 11:37 pm] |
Can't sleep again. But it's nice to lie awake in a bed instead of a sofa or a cot, I have to say.
Usually at home I fly around, or take night watch, but I don't think I can do either around here, especially not with the way things were warded.
( Private to Jasper )
edit:
( Private to Hannah )
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[3 September 2013 @ 7:40 am] |
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I'm sorry I haven't been around very much. I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything. I've been reading my book here, too, so that's been occupying a lot of my time, but I'm ready to help rebuild the village as much as I can. It will be nice to live in a house again.
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[26 August 2013 @ 4:55 pm] |
Hmm. That's strange. I didn't think I started my new assignment until tomorrow... unless this is some sort of strange dream? That happens.
I don't think I've ever seen this part of the UK before, either. And it looks like it's been completely levelled, too. I try to keep up on all the news, but I didn't hear about this. Hmm.
Oh, look... that's a nice candle on the water there. I wonder what it's for --
Oh. Oh no.
Where is my necklace?!
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[20 August 2013 @ 12:00 am] |
( twelve years is a long time. )
all entries from before this point are from seventeen year old susan.
all entries past this point are from thirty year old susan.
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[7 August 2013 @ 9:01 pm] |
I don't mind a bit of rain here and there, but I don't like this rain. It's too dark for summer. Between it and the ground shaking... maybe... it's not fun. It keeps me inside with my thoughts. Almost like dementors.
Plus, Quidditch practice sucks when it's raining. FYI.
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[4 August 2013 @ 8:21 pm] |
[Private to self (close friends/family can read)]
Today is my eighteenth birthday. I can't help but think about what it would be like back home. Do I spend it in hospital? What is it like? Do I even enjoy it?
It's been a few days now since I had my dream - vision of the future - whatever, and it's harder to go to sleep and stay asleep now, but I have to keep telling myself that I have a good life here. My family's here, and they love me. I have friends here that think I'm important. Jasper's still here. Sure there isn't really much growing I can do career wise, or whatever, but it's a damn better place than back home and I'll take it for as long as I'm allowed to have it.
[/Private]
Thank you to everyone who sent me gifts and spent time with me today. It means more than you know.
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[28 July 2013 @ 6:26 am] |
(slight tearstains are visible)
I guess this is a thing. I know Auntie has nightmares. Jas just had some sort of weird dream like this. But --
I know it's early, but I just had some sort of... nightmare dream. Or vision of the future, I don't know. I mean, it happened when I was sleeping, but it seemed so real because I'm still crying and shaking and it seems to correlate with accounts I've heard from the future.
[Jasper]
I need to see you as soon as possible. I need to make sure you're okay
[/Ward]
[Family]
I love you guys. I wanted to tell you again while I had the chance.
[/Ward]
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