1:47 AM
i had to watch my tortured boyfriend scream at no less than three doctors today because he just wants to eat and he can't yet. i mean they're giving him that sugar water crap, but it's just making him hungry and i can't help and i had to leave because i can't sit there and watch. pregnancy hormones don't help either, because i keep bursting into tears and then he tries to make me feel better and that shouldn't be his job but he's just so wonderful-
i'm so relieved he's back, but i guess i have to keep reminding myself that doesn't mean everything is suddenly okay because it's not. it is so fucking far from okay. i can't believe what was done to my sweet nicky. not to mention looking at him is just making me think of what happened to joey-
whatever, cheer me up. suggest names for my son!
mood: 
crappy
crappy