I haven't updated in a while, I know I know. Bad Lana. I just haven't had the inspiration to do anything. I mean yeah I got to the gym, and I hang out and do my own thing, but to sit down and write an entry about my private life. Not really something I'm good at doing.

Anyways, as most of you know what happened on the yacht party. I'd greatly appreciate it if no one talks to me about it anymore. And explains what a huge mistake I made by going and hanging out with the one person who a lot of you claim had the wrong intentions. Which I'm not sure is a lie. I know, I shouldn't have, and I regret it really. I just remember I have feelings too. And yes, it really hurts. It really really hurts. I know I've gone and talked to a few of you, and maybe you just thought I was being over dramatic or something, but I dunno. I just know that it's not something I liked dealing with alone, and I felt really alone. I felt like I was tossed into a corner, and I couldn't make my way out of it.

Then a few others, don't know me, and assumed the worst on my end. I haven't talked to Josh, and I don't know how he's feeling. I do hope he realizes how truly sorry I am, that this got taken so crazily. I miss you, Josh. I miss you seriously. This isn't easy on either of us. I hope that one day you'll forgive me for what I did. I didn't mean to upset you, and writing this out makes it seem like I did something horrid. I really thought all he wanted to do was talk, I didn't think anything else, and he didn't do anything else it was just talking. I'm sorry, you're so upset with me. I hope we can at least have a civil conversation here soon, and figure out where we stand. I'm truly sorry.

After the whole thing I went away for a while. I just went away. Hidden from the radar, and only a few knew exactly where I had gone. I just knew I needed to be alone with my thoughts. I knew what I needed and I couldn't have him. It's one of those things, when the one thing you need when you're hurting, is the thing that hurt you. I'm sure a lot of you won't even bother reading this, but that's okay. It's helping me sort out the the thoughts in my head.

I'm glad that I have a passion for a sport, it's really helped me do a lot of things. Then working and coaching at the gym. The little kids, they're smiling faces. They're really a great thing to brighten a day. I love it most when they finally get the thing they're working on, and they just get so excited and they hug you. It's one of those hugs that are always needed. You know you're the reason they've come thus far, besides themselves. I'm so thankful that I was blessed with this talent.

So as I explained before, I haven't seen much of anyone. Serenity, if you're actually reading this. I think I need a heart to heart with my favorite cousin. I hope all is well with you, and my Banana. Well that's it for the entry.