Hello.

You don't know me (unless you're Joey, oh hai), but I am Neil and I work with Patrick who, silly boy that he is, left his laptop on at work. And do you know what he did then? He proceeded to fall asleep across his desk. Which is actually quite appealing, but that's neither here nor there.

I've stolen his computer and it's done nothing. Then I put kleenex in his mouth and it did nothing, though it looks absolutely hilarious. He's still sleeping. So I am contemplating writing WASH ME across his forehead. Not because he needs a wash, but because that's what people write on cars and I am, essentially, a product of my age. And very deep, if you can't tell.

This is all revenge for making me deal with a lunch room full of hungry pre-teens alone, by the way. And if you've never had to deal with it, you can never understand!