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[16 Jan 2008|06:54pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Man, I miss being upset about Scott.

Whoooa there, rewind! Did she just say that?

Well yeah. She did.

I hate this. I feel like I can barely hold it together. Tomorrow is Lori's doctor's appointment where she'll find out if she still has cancer or not. I hate that word. I hate that concept. This sucks. I was sitting in my Photo 2 class with my date book thing to write down my assignments. Every so often, during the lecture, I would glance down at the little box for Thursday and see "10 - Lori's appt." It would make my stomach churn and cause a stab of fear and sadness in my heart. Finally, I had to just shut the book. If I can't see it, it's not real. If I'm focused on something else, it's momentarily forgotten.

THAT'S why I wish this was just another boy issue. Because in the end, who cares? Who cares if you're together or not? It's something that can be gotten over. There will always be another guy. There will be promise. But this... I'm so scared that there is no promise, that the news will just keep on being bad. This is real. I'd give anything to be miserable myself over a guy if it would make Lori healthy and normal again. I really would. Even if I had to trade positions with her. It scares me to say that, too.

Last night I almost got into a fight with her husband. Well, her "husband". I was talking about how depressing he and my mom are when they're together and he started off like..

Him: "I was thinking about how I had to tell her that she still might have cancer, would you want to tell her that?"
Me: "No."
Him: "Well that's what I was thinking, about how *I* had to be the one to tell her. I've been with her for 13 years--"
Me: "I've been with her for 24!"

That's all I really remember. But whatever.

I wish my mom would get off the computer, I need an art fix and I need it NOW. I need my music on loud, and I NEED to create. What I'm working on is on the OTHER computer. Ugh. Make her leave it :P

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Survey I stole from Meggle boo [16 Jan 2008|07:24pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

1.) Have you ever done a report or research on achondroplasia?: No.

2.) Do you even know what that is? No and I don't really care atm.

4.) Have you ever ran into a tree on your bike?: I'm sure something along those lines has happened.

5.) Do you watch and like the show Hannah Montana?: I'm watching it now. I love it, it makes me happy :)

6.) Do you know who Criss Angel is?: Yes, he's a man-whore.

7.) Is he better than Houdini or not even close to being as great as him?: I don't know, but he's a man-whore.

8.) Have you graduated from high school yet? What year?: 2002

9.) What's your top 3 favorite colors?: Purple, blue, pink

10.) How about your top 7 favorite perfume/cologne scents?: I don't know, I like that one scent by "Flirt!" that isn't out yet, just in samples.

11.) Do you have anything not visible pierced (Tongue, navel, genital, nape of neck, surface piercings[when they're on your stomach or collar bones, etc.])?: Navel.

11.) Do you own an iPod?: mp3 player, they're better :P

12.) How many songs does it have?: a butt-ton.

13.) What color and make is it?: White, creative zen micro

14.) Are you in a relationship or single?: Single

15.) Hatin' it or lovin' it?: After i what i went through, loving it <--aye.

16.) Do you like the show the Replacements?: It's cute, but I don't really watch it.

17.) Do you play any instruments? If so, which one(s)?: no, but I wanna pick up guitar again.

18.) Which is better: Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory or Charlie & The Chocolate Factory?: Never saw "Charlie," it looked spooky lol

19.) Do you label yourself emo? Or, are labels just stupid?: No.

20.) What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you prefer to use?: I don't care.

21.) Are you a good singer?: Used to be..

22.) Do you love or absolutely despise Myspace?: neither.

23.) Are you married? No.

24.) What's your top 5 favorite animals?: Tigers, puppies, kitties, monkey?, and umm... idk

25.) Are you a social outcast?: no

26.) Do you like Avenged Sevenfold?: what I've heard.

27.) How about 18 Visions?: Never heard of em

28.) Do you watch Headbanger's Ball on MTV 2?: nope.

30.) Have you ever been to Worlds of Fun?: huh? I don't do drugs, if that's what you're asking lol

31.) Ever met a celebrity? Who?: Yes. Rene Zelweger, Jack White, Simple Plan guys, Gob... and I can't remember lol

32.) Do you think Zacky Vengeance is sexy?: Who huh?

33.) Do you even know who that is?: no

35.) Is Angelina Jolie sexy?: I guess, not my type though lol. I don't have a Tomb Raider layout, after all :P

36.) Are you a virgin?: No.

37.) What color is your iPod, cd player, or MP3?: White

38.) Who's your favorite Spongebob Squarepants character?: idk.

39.) Is wild cherry Pepsi from the wild?: sure...

40.) Are you currently tired? If so, do you have a reason?: Yes, I'm stressed the FUCK out and I spent the night at Lori's. I apparently woke up everytime she moved and asked if she was okay lol

41.) Are you destined to be alone?: I think I am sometimes <-- me too

42.) Is there snow on the ground where you live? How much?: Yep.

43.) Are you wearing pajamas?: No, I just got home from class.

44.) Are you deathly afraid of anything? What?: I'm too scared to say right now.

45.) Is this survey pissing you off, curing your boredom or neither?: it's a distraction.

47.) How many times have you dyed your hair?: I don't know.... 5-10?

52.) Are you hungry? If so, what are you craving?: No I'm not. And maybe salad. Or buttered noodles with parmesan cheese.

53.) Are you annoyed?: No.

54.) At who/what?: not

55.) Is it cold outside?: No, it's 85,000 degrees out and that's why there's snow on the ground. It's so hot that everything froze :P

56.) Where are you currently?: my room.

57.) Are you with friends?: Not unless you me, myself and I as friends.

58.) How about family?: Mom downstairs

59.) Boyfriend/Girlfriend?: Me, myself and I... and my vibrator? lmao

60.) Last question. Did you enjoy this survey?: I don't know.

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