Sam Winchester (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} _bitch) wrote, |
>“Yes, sir.”
>>“Research isn't stupid, is it?”
>“No, sir.”
The way Dean’s just responding robotically makes Sam feel a little sick with anger, and he isn’t even sure where that anger is - or should be - directed anymore. Because, yeah, it is Dad doing the directing, always Dad ordering them around and expecting them to obey and acting like they’re incapable of independent thought - but it’s Dean going along with it like he always does. The good little soldier, how high? to Dad’s jump and Sam’s tired of it, tired of being the only one who seems to think this isn’t the way a family is supposed to operate.
>>“Right. Because if the research doesn't get done then someone else is going to die. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow. But sometime, definitely. Because I won't be able to stop this thing.”
“Why don’t you just do it yourself, then? At least that way when you get-” when you get Dean killed almost comes out, images from his nightmares rearing up behind his eyes, and he aborts that before it manages to slip free, because he knows Dad isn’t going to take that like it’s meant, he’s going to think it’s him saying something about his parenting or his protecting them or something, which isn’t what this is about even if he sort of thinks that’s true sometimes, “-yourself killed it won’t be my fault.”
Sooner or later they’re going to die anyway, whether he devotes the rest of his entire life to researching to keep them safe or not, because just because you know what the books say doesn’t mean you won’t get hurt, get killed. Sometimes the books don’t tell everything you’ll need, sometimes the lore is wrong or the internet articles were edited because some idiot who didn’t know the first thing about anything thought it would sound more “spooky” this way; sometimes you’re not even dealing with what you think you’re dealing with, and someone’s going to die anyway. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you do research and get every hunt perfect, because it doesn’t always take a hunt to kill you.