InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "We like Tweak. Tweak can stay."

Susan (_bonetopick) wrote,
@ 2013-04-14 16:24:00

Entry tags:

private

[Ward: Private]
~~Ican'tIcan't~~

~~people need to stop coming from right when they die~~

How am I supposed to be the strong one when I know there isn't anyone left to be strong for me?

Damn it. Damn it all. Part of me wants to know what happens to me in the future. I know I survive because people know me after the fact, but how much of me survives, and how much dies with everyone that I lose?
[/Ward]

As much as I love this place for the opportunities it gives me, the constant changing drives me a bit mad. I know I've said this before and I'm not pointing fingers. It's just... stressful.

I feel like I'm repeating myself again. Sorry for being a waste of space.

(Post a new comment)

	Susan about_abbott 2013-04-14 11:33 pm UTC (link)
	You okay? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Hannah _bonetopick 2013-04-14 11:35 pm UTC (link)
	No. But it's the same stuff. I know I'm here and not there but it bothers me that at home, it's just... me. I lose so many people. And it sucks. A lot. But that's just me being selfish. People have much bigger problems to worry about. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Hannah about_abbott 2013-04-15 01:56 pm UTC (link)
	You don't lose me, at least not until we're old and gray. It's not selfish, it's human. Each of us has our own set of problems that overwhelm us because they are ours and no one has the right to tell you they aren't important. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Hannah _bonetopick 2013-04-15 05:32 pm UTC (link)
	That's good to know. Seriously. I know, but I feel like I'm whinging about things that aren't important when people are trying to come to terms with dying and all that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Susan/Hannah

about_abbott
2013-04-17 11:08 am UTC (link)

It isn't whinging. These people died and left us behind. We had to deal with the fact that they left holes in our lives. We had to pick up the pieces and come to terms with what had happened and why they were lost.

Yes, people get more time here, but they also lose the freedom of simply living. It is horrible to an extent to know your future. All your hopes and dreams shattered while the possibilities still exist. You knowing that Jasper is going to be gone when you're at a point in your life where you two are happy. Victorie having to raise a baby alone when her husband ought to be by her side and completely in love with his family.

This place isn't perfect and honestly it leaves as many horrible possibilities as it does good ones. One day we could wake up and everyone who has lived a day beyond the day they should have died may all be gone never to return. Someone could actually die here and cut their own life back home short and put a ripple in everything. We simply do not know.

Many of us survived and moved on from their losses. Losses we may have to relive here. It isn't fair at all.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Susan/Hannah

_bonetopick
2013-04-17 01:35 pm UTC (link)

This. This is what I want to tell people but can't, because at home they are all gone.

~~How did I survive, Hannah? Because at this point I'm not sure if my future self can handle losing so many people. I know physically I made it out okay, but... did the rest of me survive okay?~~

...Maybe I shouldn't ask you that. I already know enough about my future. I should just be happy with what I have here.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Hannah about_abbott 2013-04-18 02:22 am UTC (link)
	You can say it to me all you want. I've said it to a few and gotten my head bitten off because being a survivor is obviously easier than dying. Shouldn't ask me what? How things turn out? You end up just fine. You have a rough spot. We all have rough spots, but we make it through. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Hannah _bonetopick 2013-04-18 02:39 am UTC (link)
	This is why you're my friend. Okay, good. I can imagine it's hard at the beginning, after everything. Thank you, Hannah. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Hannah about_abbott 2013-04-18 01:00 pm UTC (link)
	I'll always be your friend. You're welcome. Now why don't you head down to the kitchen and get some strawberry muffins that I brought home. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Hannah _bonetopick 2013-04-18 01:23 pm UTC (link)
	Sounds good. I'll be right down. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	cutacorner 2013-04-14 11:38 pm UTC (link)
	Deep breaths, pizza, sweets, and alcohol. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	_bonetopick 2013-04-14 11:40 pm UTC (link)
	Pizza. Pizza sounds good. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Susan/Justin. justness 2013-04-15 03:10 am UTC (link)
	I'm feeling overwhelmed too, Susan, so you're not alone. Also, don't call yourself a waste of space. You're not. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Susan/Justin. _bonetopick 2013-04-15 03:13 am UTC (link)
	Thanks, Justin. What's making you feel so overwhelmed? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Justin. justness 2013-04-15 03:34 am UTC (link)
	Just trying to keep track of everyone, I suppose. I thought I was doing good remembering who all was here and where they were here from, then all of a sudden half the village is different ages. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Justin. _bonetopick 2013-04-15 03:40 am UTC (link)
	Yes. And then some of them are changing back while others aren't. It's so damn confusing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Justin. justness 2013-04-15 09:51 pm UTC (link)
	I hope everything gets sorted out soon. Is that what's stressing you out, too? The changing ages? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Justin. _bonetopick 2013-04-16 02:02 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. Me too. I've learned, though, that in this place, things only settle for so long. Well, yes. That, and trying to help people come to terms with dying when it breaks my heart that they will. And that's something you can't tell them, either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Justin. justness 2013-04-17 02:05 am UTC (link)
	Guess we'll just have to make the best of the calm periods while they last. I'm sorry that you have to be the bearer of that sort of news, Susan. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Susan/Justin.

_bonetopick
2013-04-17 02:15 am UTC (link)

In this case, he was the one who told me. The age thing took him from right before he died, Justin. I haven't even begun to process what that means for my future because I have to be the strong one. That's what's really stressful. And I can't talk to my family about it either because they've all died in my time, too.

... I'm talking about Jasper. You knew that, right? ... Did you hear about the part where we ~~were~~ ~~are~~ are kind of... a thing, as Cedric put it?

Ugh, sorry. That was kind of a lot.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Justin. justness 2013-04-17 08:14 pm UTC (link)
	I didn't know you two were together, no. It's a crappy situation all around, and I'm sorry. ~~I should have been there with you guys. I should know more than I do.~~ I'm always here to talk to. You know that, right? If you need to let things out and not be strong for a bit, just come find me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Justin. _bonetopick 2013-04-17 08:42 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, we didn't exactly broadcast it. But it is what it is. I mean, it's not like you had it easy, either, mate. Thanks. I appreciate it. Really. If you're not busy on Friday, we should go on a boat ride. I still owe you for your birthday. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Justin. justness 2013-04-19 03:27 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. You're welcome. A boat ride sounds great. What time should I meet you? (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Susan. puffitude 2013-04-15 04:00 pm UTC (link)
	You're not a waste of space. Stop calling yourself that. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Jas _bonetopick 2013-04-15 05:30 pm UTC (link)
	Sometimes I just feel like I'm not contributing anything useful. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jas/Susie. puffitude 2013-04-15 06:26 pm UTC (link)
	Does anyone contribute anything useful here? What's useful? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jas/Susie. _bonetopick 2013-04-15 06:49 pm UTC (link)
	I guess. I don't know. I just feel like.... ~~I don't know how to deal with~~ I'm just having a bad day I guess. Are you busy later? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jas/Susie. puffitude 2013-04-15 06:55 pm UTC (link)
	Seems to be going around. Yeah, I'm seeing you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jas/Susie. _bonetopick 2013-04-15 08:17 pm UTC (link)
	Are you having a bad day too? I'm sorry. Awesome. I was going to say we should do something. I'll let you know when I'm done with school. Shouldn't be too much longer. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jas/Susie. puffitude 2013-04-16 04:51 am UTC (link)
	Bad life. The days are just .. days. But I don't think anyone's having a grand time right now. Boat ride? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Jas/Susie.

_bonetopick
2013-04-16 02:00 pm UTC (link)

Hey. I know you've got a lot to process, but... this is a second chance, you know? Yours, mine... ours. Yeah, the magic in this place is ridiculous and temporary, and it drives me mad sometimes, but that just means we have to make every day count. Cause who knows how many more we have? We can go back at any time, you know?

Okay. You can't distract me too much, though, or we might get lost or crash. Though the idea of getting lost with you has a certain appeal to it...

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jas/Susie. puffitude 2013-04-18 02:25 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, I guess. Well how come George is the only one who can commandeer the island? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jas/Susie. _bonetopick 2013-04-18 02:41 am UTC (link)
	...Are you sure about that? Should we go test that theory to see if he can't be the only one? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jas/Susie. puffitude 2013-04-22 02:16 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, let's. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	clawedturpin 2013-04-15 04:47 pm UTC (link)
	Why is it stressful? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	_bonetopick 2013-04-15 05:30 pm UTC (link)
	People come and go and keep changing ages, and sometimes you have to explain hard things again, and things like that. (Reply to this) (Parent)