David Haller (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} xgene) wrote, |
Jaw set firm, tight, teeth practically grinding together, he shook his head, stiff muscles making the motion anything but smooth. He wasn't afraid of pain, of screams, of accusations. The only sympathy he'd ever heard in the echoes were in the prevention of every move, every thought of ending his own life. God he wanted to, every second of every day. When his mind was active, it consumed him. Ash sinking in through skin, bone deep, fusing within him.
There was a sudden warmth, a radiation that countered the chill of cement and sunless air. David immediately recoiled from it, eyes flying open as he violently pushed himself up and away. Pale blue eyes stared at her, their color made to look even paler due to the dark circles under them, pallid skin bringing out every harsh shadow, every sharp edge of neglect.
She looked exactly as he used to think of her. No pain, no fear. Eyes bright, full of life -- not empty, not shadows of what had been ripped apart from within.
But why? "Why?" His head spun, every thought brought out without filter. "Why are you doing this again? I already promised you I wouldn't!" He said, voice getting steadily louder. "I never questioned why, gave you the benefit of the doubt," his words sped up, body shaking as he began to pace. "But I can't, I can't, I can't--" Head shaking, he gave up on finding the words, instead letting out a frustrated growl as his hands went to his hair, pulling on it harshly.
"My thoughts are my thoughts. Can't stop them," he muttered, pushing himself back up against the opposite wall, sliding back down to the ground. "Can't help them. I can't." Eyes shut, he slammed his head hard against the cement wall behind him with every I can't that followed.