Warded Private, Captain Epsilon may use it for his notes

"I have killed, but I am often plagued by their faces. I have loved and it tears me apart, but I do not regret it. Healy is alone. Hated. Feared, yes, but not truly respected. Children smile when they see me, they cower in fear when they see him. [...] I could not do that."

I experience no guilt for my actions. Not for the countless murders I commit in the future, the harm I have already caused in my world, nor for pain I have inflicted here. Dumbledore loved me so much she would do anything for me, and that was a sentiment I never returned. And to be feared - as a result of gaining power and control, of eradicating the muggles in order live our lives openly, is it not worth it? They owe me respect for wanting to make their lives better, and for dedicating my entire life to that very cause.

I should never wish for the death of a fellow witch or wizard because that goes against my beliefs. A full Wizarding world is not possible without every tiny piece of the puzzle. But when those puzzle pieces damage the entire picture, it is best to move on without them. It is a minor, yet tragic, fault of the plan. If only they could all see and agree, then there would be little problem.

There is more to consider of their thoughts. I know the story of my life already. After gaining some power, I am defeated, and sent to rot in my own prison. I am alone and powerless. That is the way I die - with nothing. My ideologies live on in others who always meet their end. Even if I win in other worlds, I do not win in my own life.

Here, there is nothing for me to gain. The child is correct in saying it is habit. […] I believe he is starting to trust me on some level, even if it applies solely to my promise to leave the girl alone. Breaking that trust will remain a possibility. He has such conviction and his values run deep; it would take so much to break him. Although, there is no turning back at this point, something he must know. The others are aware of it, as am I.

I do not care for the smiles of children. I cannot even answer a single question with complete candor. There is always a mask, a layer of dishonesty to keep them all at a distance. Dumbledore was the only one I removed that facade for, possibly the greatest mistake I've made. What if I had never met Alba Dumbledore that summer in Godfygu's Hollow? Would I have done everything on my own, or perhaps never lost to her in the future?

I am fully aware that this will be my only chance, unless I return at a later date. It is not a simple matter.


April 4th is approaching.