jezebel kookaburra (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} shelling) wrote, |
So I have this theory about pirates and how they were created. There was some bastard out there in this world called the Pirate God who was probably brought into this world a bitter man because he had scurvy even in the womb. He was probably ugly anyway. So one day Cate Summerby was born, and the Pirate God was like, oh hell no, because he couldn't live with the fact that there was this girl who was cooler and prettier than everybody else, including him. So he got mad jelly and created pirates in order to rival Cate's awesomeness, but every pirate he spawned proved to be but a feeble attempt to match up to Cate's superior level of brilliance. So this is why we have pirates. And this is why you will never be as cool as Cate. The end.