For the last few months, I've been totally fine. Like .. I've known what was coming and I've spent most of the pregnancy talking Chase down. I thought I was ready, I thought that cause this is what I've wanted .. the life I wanted? That it'd all be okay. But nothing is turning out okay. Nothing. And I just .. I don't want to screw this up. I don't want to be bad at this.
What if we have this baby and a couple months down the line, she realizes she doesn't want to stay with me? She realizes that she's settling and that she's better off on her own, just her and the baby? I can't stop thinking that everything is coming to an end. And I don't want to feel that way, I don't want to think that way. This is a beginning, not an ending.
I was excited. I was ready. I want that feeling back. I want to feel like everything will be great, like I can take on the world with her. Any day now, I'm going to be a father and all I feel is scared and sad and lost .. It all went by so fast.