[Private to the X-Men]
Okay, so I've been trying to think of a polite and well-worded way to ask this for a considerable portion of forever with mild to nonexistent levels of success. The Boss probably wants to kill me by this point. Anyway, it just sounds weird and like some sort of super secret government experiment when I try to word it nicely. And like an opener for a really bad SciFi movie when I get all droll and sarcastic.

So I just asked Google.


Informed Consent
Title of Research: Jolene Really Needs to Practice
Investigator: Jolene LeBeau (Investigator makes me sound way more badass than I actually am.)
Supervisor: Lorelei Summers (See? Totally legit. You can stop worrying about the sanctity of your brains.)

Before agreeing to participate in this research study, it is important that you read the following explanation of this study. This statement describes the purpose, procedures, benefits, risks, discomforts, and precautions of the program. Also described are the alternative procedures available to you, as well as your right to withdraw from the study at any time. No guarantees or assurances can be made as to the results of the study.

Explanation of Procedures
This is a research study that basically comes down to the fact that I really should be practicing my abilities in some sort of constructive manner that's not confusing random passerbys in restaurants or making Olivier believe that he accidentally shaved off his eyebrows. (Seeing as that trick probably got old when I was seven. Not that I feel particularly repentant.)

Um. Procedures. Soit.

So I have this whole talking people into stuff thing going for me, right? And that's nice and grand and wonderful, totally crowd-pleasing and generally useful. Hooray. The general principles governing the fact that 'practice makes perfect' state that I should really work on making that whole thing I have going to make it better. So there's a pressing need for test subjects.

And that's where you may or may not come in. You know, depending.

Risks and Discomforts
In a willing and cooperative participant, there should not be any risks or discomfort going on. I mean, the whole messing around with people's heads will be closely monitored. And way less 'messing around' and more 'working in tightly controlled circumstances.' I'll try to be as non-invasive with it as physically possible, if I'm allowed.

Benefits
There are no immediate benefits to participating in this study unless you feel like being really awesome and making my life a whole bunch easier. And me not sucking in the future is potentially a benefit too, I guess. Since I'll be less useless?

Alternative Procedures
Don't exist, so you can ignore this section completely.

Withdrawal Without Prejudice
Participation in this study is voluntary; refusal to participate will involve no penalty. (Seriously. I won't even sad-face at you.) Each participant is free to withdraw consent and discontinue participation in this project at any time without prejudice from this institution.

Confidentiality
All information gathered from the study will remain confidential. All study results and information will be kept in a locked draw and then destroyed after the project is completed. (Okay, I don't think that last part is true, but it sounded really cool in the original so I decided to leave it there.)

Costs and/or Payments to Subject for Participation in Research
There will be no costs for participating in the research, seeing as that would be intensely rude and ungrateful. Payments will be made in pastries. And my eternal gratitude.

Payment for Research Related Injuries
Mostly I'm hoping that these don't happen? But, again, pastries and gratitude. Potentially soup and a period of pathetically guilty slavery on my part.

Questions
Any questions concerning the research project and/or in the case of injury due to the project, should be directed to - uh, me? Or Lorelei, I guess. Questions regarding rights as a person in this research project should be directed to me or the Boss. Again. Though I don't think that rights-removal will be a part of the procedure.


And, yeah, with that - I'm totally going to just shut up for a while.