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Josh Foley (fatedtouch) wrote,

You haven't ruined everything. I wish I could say you haven't ruined anything, but I can't. I can't also not take half the blame for this. Everything was so perfect for so long, maybe it was too perfect. We don't know how to be in each other's lives. We know how to rearrange our lives for one another, but we haven't been in the same space for so long, and we spent so much time wanting each other so badly we can't help but want to be all over each other. That's natural.

It's not our drives that's the problem, Kevin. It's what we do about them. It's how we cope that's the problem. And it's not just you and me. It's everything. Things are changing so fast, and I don't know where I stand in any of it. I can't help but feel when I'm around you and that's bad because I don't think. Distance was what helped us get passed the stage where this would have stopped working. Distance helped save us, and I'm honestly glad we had that time. Because my only other option would be to be without you, and that's not something I'm willing to accept.

But we can't rely on distance anymore. We have to rely on ourselves. On each other. We have to rely on our love. (Move over in the cheesy boat.) We have to KNOW that we're stronger, that this works. We have to BELIEVE it. Because when we doubt it, we just fall apart.

I don't want to lose you as much as you don't want to love me. And I love you ten times that. But, Kevin, if we can't make it work, all the love in the world won't be enough. Love alone can't save us. And we're both stubborn enough we'll eventually be in an empty relationship. Then we'll start to hate each other. Resent each other, and still we'll want to make it work.

I'll bend for you. I'll break for you. I'll make a new me for you. But I will die before I hate you.

I don't need touch that much, Kevin. Don't force it on me.