Aw Marissa don't do that to yourself! I did it once and it only let to regret and it didn't make me feel better. It sucks when you've been used especially by someone you really care about. There are ways of dealing with the grief of what happened and this isn't the way to do it. It's only going to make you feel worse in the end. You need to find a support system with people you can trust and confide it so you won't feel like you're dealing with this problem all alone. Also talking to Mono isn't doing any good either so you're better off not sharing too much with him unless you really want to. There are much better people you can talk to and that you actually like so maybe you should try one of them instead. Remember you don't have to deal with this alone. You've got people who want what's best for you and will try to help you achieve that so don't give up, not just yet.