I can understand the feeling of someone making you feel so bad about yourself because you care about them so much, yet they seem to give you mixed signals or don't really care about you at all. It's a really rough time. You try to move on from it and forget about them, but somehow something triggers their memory and the hurt feelings come back all over again. You may think you're insane for feeling this way, but it's actually more common with other people as well. Many people just aren't direct with their feelings and keep a lot of the pain inside. It's good that you chose to write about it, no matter how bad the situation makes you feel, because you're letting out your emotions and expressing your feelings in a place that's safe since Robby can't read these journal entries. Living with this low feeling is really hard, but over time it'll start hurting a little less. Remember Eric? I know that was such a hard time for you, but you made it through, even if there were a lot of road bumps along the way. I hope that's the case with Robby. If anything, it's good you're noticing a pattern in how you feel when a guy you really like doesn't treat you right and sends very confusing mixed signals. In the future, it could help you out in figuring out how to deal with it and finding someone who isn't going to play mind games with you and will really care about you in the same way that you do about them. I hope this helped a bit. I know it won't solve your problem or erase the pain, but it helps to know that you're not alone in feeling the way that you do.