| [uJ via Google cache] can't sleep, clown will eat me. |
[04 Sep 2003|11:38pm] |
i want to quit right now and go somewhere else. it's not going to happen, and if i'm lucky i won't feel this way when i wake up in the morning. i've gotten so paranoid, so cynnical, so unhappy with being at work... it's three days in and parents are already complaining. what the fuck is that? someone find me a nice quiet job where i can work like 11am-7pm with a nice group of people and not bring my work home with me and maybe make decent money.... please?
i dunno. i was missing NYC a lot today. i don't really know why. i think i was probably just as unhappy there, though i think for different reasons. i wonder if this is all just the caffeine-induced generalized anxiety coming back again.
i go to lie down and fall asleep and i feel so alone and i try to imagine someone there with me and i can't anymore; i don't think i even have a dream girl right now. people flash through my mind--people i have on-and-off crushes on who are unavailable and uninterested, people i used to love, people i don't even want to think about... all of it leads back to uneasiness and here i am after lying in bed for an hour trying to fall asleep and all i can do is write this nonsense and try to get it out of my head for just long enough to maybe run back to bed and actually fall asleep.
it's way too early in the year to be this fucking sick of it already. it's got to be something else.
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