Private The best summer of my entire life, and my bloody penis never worked. Not even once. It's like a dead... I don't even want to- I did everything I could to make sure nothing was lacking for Louisa. My jaw is still sore, and I think I could lift a watermelon with my tongue. But Salazar, I would really like my penis to work. I never talk about it with her because I can't think about it without overwhelming amounts of hatred for her father spilling forth, who knows what would happen if I started saying the words out loud.
How long is she going to be okay with this?
And the castle already feels different without her in it. I liked having her here. I could invent a job for her, my assistant, secretary, record keeper, curator, I could invent something and there could be actual work, but I feel like it would look desperate, and some how unseemly, if I do that, just to have her working here. I want her here so badly, that it could only be good for her not to be here. I wish I could quit waiting for the first blush of love, or however Katharina put it, to wear off. I probably wouldn't be expecting it quite as much if my bloody fucking penis worked.
I'm obsessed. I have been able to keep a better handle on my obsession this time, perhaps it's a difference in age and maturity, but still, the question remains... why do I allow myself to do this?
Louisa I have five days until I have to be at school all the time, what shall we do with them?