I want to start off by saying how much I love you. I don't have the ability to put into words just how deeply my love for you goes, maybe if I did we wouldn't be here. That being said, I don't think I have ever been as upset and angry with you as I am was after our last exchange. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I have done a lot of work to change. I am not violent towards you, I'm not drinking like I use to, I am involved with the children. I have worked my ass off to be the person you wanted me to be. The person you needed me to be. I'm very sorry that it came so late, but you can't deny that I have put in the effort. And yet, despite all my progress, you cannot keep from throwing up at me what I use to do. How I use to behave. You claim to have forgiven me for how I was in the past, but the fact that it comes up as often as it does is a clear indication that you do not forgive me at all.
Somehow, regardless of what the two of you think about me, our son decided to follow me into the Death Eaters. (Something I don't think I will ever understand.) You have asked me (though I would have done it anyway) to protect him, to do what I can to keep him safe while he is asked to do some rather unpleasant tasks, but when I make a suggestion of something that could keep him from being in danger, rather than agree with me, you choose to defend his behaviour by pointing out what a horrible husband and father I am and accuse me of valuing the Death Eaters more than my family. I don't know if you really think that is true or not, or you just said it to hurt me, but it is not true, and it did hurt me. I have always done everything within my power to see that our family went unnoticed by the Dark Lord, there might not have been anyone to protect you from me, but I was always protecting you and our children from everyone else.
I have spent the last week being completely distracted by this, I have thought of very little else, and it would probably be best to deal with this when I got back, but I am putting myself and everyone else in danger with my lack of focus. I cannot live like this any more. I cannot live with someone who doesn't trust me. With someone who still holds so much animosity towards me and who can't completely forgive me. I would apologise everyday for the rest of my life if I thought it would help, but I don't think it would. You and Ben cannot forget or forgive me for past transgressions, and maybe you shouldn't. I can't tell you how grateful I am that Louisa doesn't remember. I know my pain in this is inconsequential as far as you're concerned, but it just hurts too much to keep living like this. So, when we are through here and I return to England do not expect me to come home with out a whole lot of conversation first.