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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in
kayla_'s InsaneJournal:
| Saturday, June 22nd, 2013 | |
| 10:43 am | Trevor, All day today I thought of you. I bought my magazine it cost 1.43, I asked for meat at the deli, it weighed 1.43 pounds, even though I asked for a half. When I got home and put the kids down for a nap the clock read 1:43. Now that they're napping, it makes me think of you. You know sometimes I have a hard time expressing how I feel, in words especially. You won't be home for a couple of hours, but I wanted to say these things now when I was feeling them. I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone, besides Hannah, and now besides Reid. You loved me when I didn't even love myself, when I thought I didn't deserve your love or you. I married a man that never loved me, because I didn't feel worthy of you. And when I needed you, you opened your door, your arms, your heart, to me, and more importantly my daughter. Our daughter. The love you have for her always amazes me. Because she doesn't have your blood, but I know you love her regardless. You loved this child you didn't have to, and you love her with her whole heart. And I love the love you have for Reid, the child we have together. Our little boy. And for Prince Cuddles, and for Princess Snuggles. Our fur babies love you just like our other babies do. When I'm at my worst you always build me back up. You're there when I need you, when things have gotten tough. I just hope I am half as good to you as you have always been to me. I try to be the woman you deserve. I love being with you. I love our children, I love our home, I love us. I love your smile, and your laugh, and your arms around me. I love when you snore at night, I love when our bodies tangle together, I love waking up next to you, and maybe next to whatever little one crawled into bed with us. I love you always and forever. I think I've always loved you, I know I always will. Soulmates, the other half to make us whole. I know thats what you are to me. I have never felt more alive than since I came to live with you. For the first time in my life, since being here, I've learned who I really am, and what I could be. You gave me security, safety, hope, dreams. Everything I've become in the last few years, its all because of you. All this confidence I have now, all these beliefs I have for the future, all the plans we make, they're all because of you. I never hoped for anything better before, but now I can't wait till tomorrow, because I know each and every one will be better and better. And I owe that all to you. Even if I spent the rest of my life thanking you, it would never be enough. What you've done for me, for Hannah, for our family, its just so much and so amazing baby. You are the best man, the best father, the best husband, I have ever known. I love you with my whole heart and soul Trevor <3 Love always, Kayla <3 PS.  |
| Wednesday, March 9th, 2011 | |
| 10:47 am | |
| Sunday, January 30th, 2011 | |
| 10:09 am | Both girls were downstairs and waiting, Kayla bouncing Hannah, who was dressed up once again like a princess (she loved wearing the outfits that Trevor bought her all the time), today she was 'ell' which was Belle, complete with little princess sneakers she had convinced Trevor to buy her. That little girl was getting really really spoiled and Kayla loved it. "TTTTRRREEEEVVVOOOORRRR." she had Hannah call along with her "Baby hurry up! We wanna go get our puppy!" She told him, excitedly. Kayla was probably more excited than Hannah was. She had always wanted a pet. But her parents and Frank had never allowed them. And even if they had she would have been afraid they would hurt the poor defenseless animal. So she had kept from getting one, r telling anyone else she wanted one. But Trevor she trusted, and it would add to that image of perfect, the happy couple with the baby and now a puppy. She was too excited! She spun Hannah around and the girl giggled "Tevy tevy tevy!" she chanted with her mom until they heard Trevor coming down the stairs. Kayla grinned widely and when he stopped she gave him a kiss on the lips, grinning "Bout time you showed up" she teased and wrapped a free arm around him, making a Hannah Sammich. |
| Thursday, January 20th, 2011 | |
| 9:28 pm | Tied around Kayla's stuffed animals neck  left on Trevors bed bbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbbbyyyyyyy Hannah and I think we need a puppy. You should say yes because you love us and you would love our cute little puppy! 143 kayla and princess Hannah |
| Saturday, December 18th, 2010 | |
| 10:17 pm | ugg this sucks. it will get better i promise lol. i couldnt remember how many kids mike had. Kayla and Trevor had decided that since they wer e both in such good spirits and it was so nice out that day that they should invite Mike, his wife, and kids out for the afternoon at the park too. Trevor and Hannah had both helped Kayla pack a lunch for everyone and they headed to the park. It was nice to have every one togeher! Kayla had hardly seen mike in years and his wife just seemed the sweetest woman she had ever met. She smiled and leaned into Trevor who was trying to push both her and Kayla in swings that were right next to each other. Kayla laughed harder as she heard Hannah cry out "I--er tevor i---er!!!" all gleefully. It was so nice to see her happy. Kayla had always been worried she would be too loud around frank so she tried to make sure the little girl stayed quiet. But it was nice ot see her so happy and shout out like a normal little kid. And she loved to hang out with Mikes kids. "Yeah higher trevor higher!" she cried out with a laugh. |
| Sunday, October 24th, 2010 | |
| 11:41 am | sorry its short!! The first thing that Kayla heard when she woke up was Hannah still snoring. The next thing was the rain. Fall rain was the worst. She usually loved rain, at least warmer rain. But this one? It made her neck hurt, her ribs hurt, her wrist. She could feel it all through her body. That ache that she usually could just ignore. But today it made her want to curl up and cry. She stood up with a groan, slipping her feet into the slippers that Trevor had bought her. She walked over to check on Hannah,knowing she would sleep a little bit longer and tucked the blankets under her chin before heading down the hall. Trevor's door was still open, and she could see him still asleep in bed. If she had felt better she would have just gone downstairs to make coffee, but him and the bed looked too inviting. He looked so cute all sleeping. She was quiet as she walked into the room, pulling up the blankets before easing herself into bed with him, snuggling in close. She instantly felt a litle better as she snuggled into him. He was warm, he smelled comforting, even as he slept there. She let out another groan as she shifted, rubbing wet eyes. Her neck really hurt and the more she tried to ignore it the worse it felt. She sighed snuggling in closer her head resting on his pillow now, burying her face in it as she breathed out his name. |
| Saturday, October 16th, 2010 | |
| 10:20 pm | Giving you this until I can think of a scene idea ;-) Left on the kitchen table. "For my spooky ghost and goblin :-p Love you both kids"   |
| Monday, August 23rd, 2010 | |
| 11:06 am | sorry this weekend got busy! Kayla's body still ached alot, but she always sucked it up enough to be able to chase Hannah around. Of course it was probably because pain was something she had long since become accustom to, but her daughter often made her forget any pain anyway. She had woken up early, as had hannah, the new surroundings made them nervous perhaps. But it was nice to feel safe, it was something she really hadn't ever gotten used to, but it was something that felt nice and right and she loved it. She wrote the post-it note for Trevor before taking her coffee and Hannah outside so they wouldn't wake him up. She was out in the yard, chasing Hannah around when she heard the back door open and shut. She tensed for a moment, nervous that it was someone other than trevor, but calmed once she turned back around and saw his kind face "Hey sleepy head" she teased with a smile walking back up to hug him and take a sip of her own coffee, hannah fine running around by herself for a few minutes. "You sleep well?" she asked him as she took another sip, closing her eyes as the heat ran down her throat. |
| Wednesday, July 14th, 2010 | |
| 8:52 pm | While Kayla had been nervous to let Hannah go out with Trevor, or really anyone with her daughter, Hannah on the other hand was totally excited. She loved going to the store with her mother and to go to the store with Trevor sounded fun. He seemed very nice so far, not that she knew any mean people. Well no...sometimes daddy was mean to her. He yelled alot. Trevor hadn't yelled at her yet. Or at mommy yet either. And he promised they could get cookies. She sat in the back seat of the car, kicking her legs back and forth in the car seat, singing to herself and looking at Trevor, waving at him in the rear view mirror. "HiHi!" she said cheerfully, playing with one of the toys her mommy had given her. She giggled when she saw the other man wave back at her. Once they got to the store, Hannah waited patiently as he unbuckled her seatbelt, holding pudgy little toddler hands out for him "Up pease?" she asked and gave him that same pout that she had given him earlier asking for cereal and once he had picked her up wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. |
| Monday, July 12th, 2010 | |
| 8:53 pm |  Trevor, Thank you for my cookies. And my booster seat, and my new toys. Love, Hannah <333 |
| Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010 | |
| 9:55 pm | Scene 1 Kayla Walsh had never expected her life to be like it was. Or maybe she had, that was the problem. The move from her parents home to that of Frank Walsh had been pretty seamless. He was a man just like her father, the same drinking problem the same way he could hit without bruising, the same way he yelled at her when nothing was ever perfect enough. It was probably what had convinced her parents Frank was perfect for her. And with a life so much like her childhood it was what she felt she deserved. After she graduated she had had dreams of college, of making something for herself, maybe finally having a chance with Trevor, if she could get out of that town. At least one of them happened. Frank took her far away, and for the first few months at least it was perfect. Then the hitting started and his drinking started. And he became more and more controlling. Soon enough she couldn't go out of the house to see friends, and couldn't write to her friends back home. Her world became the walls of the home, and occasionally the supermarket, when he let her go alone. And soon enough she had a baby, Hannah, and life with Frank seemed impossible to leave. She didn't have a job, she didn't have money for herself, she didn't have any education outside of high school, she didn't know a trade, she felt trapped. So she tried to make the best of it, as she always had. Her days were full of Hannah, at least her little girl brought her joy, and she told herself she would have a better life. Somehow her daughter would. She'd make sure of it. The tipping point had come a day she had been playing with Hannah and lost track of time and dinner wasn't done when Frank got home. He had hit her and during the course of it one of the glasses flew near Hannah, thankfully not hurting her. But she'd be damned if she let her daughter get hurt by him, even if it wasn't on purpose...yet. It had been a long process, full of planning and saving money. Frank controlled everything she did controlled even the money he gave her for groceries. Any change had to go back to him. So she cashed out every time for groceries, so the receipt said the exact change she'd bring home. Then she would take that receipt to the service desk to cash in coupons she had "forgotten". It wasn't much some weeks, but it added up. And up. But then the night before she had done something stupid again, and Frank had beaten her pretty badly. And wrapped his hands around her throat. She knew they would leave the next day. Maybe it wouldn't matter if he had killed her, in heaven she would have been safer, but she couldn't leave her Hannah alone with that man, not for the rest of her life. Once Frank had gone to work, Kayla packed up her and Hannah's things, as much as the small car could hold, grabbed that secret stash of money, and left. It barely put gas in the car and tolls on the road. She didn't even really know where she was going at first, just drove and drove. Eventually she found herself a few hours away, on the outskirts of the town she had once called home. It probably wasn't a safe bet, since Frank and her parents kept in touch. But... Trevor was there. Or she hoped he was there. He was the first on the list of people Frank made sure she no longer contacted. He had found her letters and thrown them out, breaking her wrist to teach her a lesson. She didn't do it again, even if she wanted to. She drove familiar streets. By now it was dark out, and starting to rain. Just her luck, she assumed. But then again she loved rain. She stopped at the home that had once been his, lingering on the street for what seamed like hours before she bit her lip. She didn’t want to wake Hannah but she couldn't very well leave her in the car. Kayla straightened her baseball cap, since it was as close to incognito as she could get, pulling sunglasses over her eyes to cover the bruises around them. Then she went to the back seat to pick up the little girl, who wrapped her arms sleeping around her momma's neck, whimpering some. "Its okay baby...Momma just needs to make a little stop... I'll get you out of the rain" she promised. What if he wasn't there? What if he had moved? What would she do? Find a hotel room for the night, she had enough money for that...but what about after that? What would she do next? She wasn't sure but she would have to find something. But maybe... Maybe it would work. Maybe he would be there. And if he was? She wasn't sure about that either. She cursed herself softly, she really was as stupid as Frank said she was. But she was here. What was there to lose? She walked to the door, Hannah in her arms. She raised a hand to knock on the door stopping before she knocked. She pulled her hand away, taking a deep breath before closing her eyes. She finally let her hand fall the knocking rhythmic, One loud, four soft, three loud. 143, I love you, I need you, I want you, it had meant a lot of things when her and Trevor were younger. One way to show it was them, one way to show they cared. She'd done that knock on his window before she snuck in, he did it on her locker when he wanted to tease her. Maybe if he was there and he heard it he'd know it was her. If he was really there. It sounded like it echoed in her ears, and she stepped back, rocking Hannah as she waited to see who would open that door. If anyone would. |