Current mood:

drained

XXVIII; .Close Friends Only - Including, Lydia and Danni.

What do you do when you feel like abandoning everyone around you? My father is gone, I feel like I am lost and I have no idea where to go or where I even belong. I have pushed all my work back and told my manager to not even book me for anything. All I hear is 'Look how well Cameron is doing after her father's death.' Well sorry, I'm not her and everyone is different

I let Rob go. We weren't close and he's always gone. Which I shouldn't complain about that, I knew what I was getting into and I know how it feels to always have to be away. But even when talking on the phone with him, it's quite and only few words are spoken. I figure some of it's my fault, because I don't even fell like I am truly there. I want the best for Rob and will never want to hurt him. We agreed it would be best to go our separate ways and be friends.



The funeral was beautiful, people I never expected to see where there. Sam's boyfriend Jaisen, Lydia came and so did Danielle. When each one showed up at my parent's house, I would start to cry. Yes, I cried. I finally broke down and cried when all these people started showing up. Not because I was mad they did, because I was so surprised these people that barely know me, that didn't know my father came. At the funeral I broke down completely and my brother and Rob had to take me back to the car. I finally calmed down when we got to the house and I went to the bathroom to freshen up, Sam and Abby came in to be with me. And Abby brought some pot and me, Sammy, and her ended up smoking that in the bathroom.

I'm thinking of going out of town, get away and maybe clear my head and see where I need to go next, what I need to do.