He hadn't known that he could go so deep, be held so tightly, in any throat. The vampire all but shoved him towards orgasm, but held it just out of reach in that last instant. Wolfram's breathing was unsteady now, because everytime the vampire's head moved, his breath caught and then tried to right itself a second later, only to be thwarted by another pull of the other man's throat. It felt so, so good. Better than any blowjob he could remember receiving in the past.
Whatever was lurking just beyond his physical body felt large and overwhelming, and though Wolfram thought to himself that he liked things the way they were, the memories tangled up and crashed back down, anyway. Two of the strongest memories Wolfram had was ripped from him, one bristling with pain and fear and the all-consuming noise of reality disintegrating, the other fill with a silence so complete that it whined in the darkness of that stone-cold room.
Neither were memories Wolfram wanted to examine again. In fact, he had relegated them to a dusty corner of his mind. He didn't want to feel how his body tried to tear itself apart to reform into that of a monstrously large crow, or how his heart fought against the suppressants and opiates. He didn't want to revisit the unique feeling of dying, nor the still darkness of accepting that he could die at the age of fifteen. If it wasn't the hospital, then it was in that dark room. Madeleine and her request. His new role in the murder and the horrible responsibility that came with it. "Guard our memories," she'd said. "Save the eyes." Hours and hours in that room alone with her dead body. Hours and hours before he could find the courage to dig his fingers into her cold eye sockets, dislodge the eyes. "Swallow them. You'll get used to it."
But it was Tao's memories that won out, assaulted him.
Wolfram's sharp gasp sounded painful––it obviously wasn't lust fuelling it this time. The pleasure was inappropriate, didn't fit the pain. Wolfram could take the physical pain, however. He had endured much, and much worse. He could feel his body melting under the cruel holy water, as if Tao's body was his body. It hurt, it hurt a lot, but it wasn't what made his mind reel. It was the awful betrayal, and the pain of witnessing the suffering of a loved one.
It was inevitable that he started to wilt in the vampire's mouth. But he wasn't afraid of the memories. For now, he could endure them.