bio @ sunset_blvd [01 Jan 2011|12:34pm] Just a psychotic girl and I won't get lost in your world ( . ) post comment

ooc [23 Jun 2009|11:50am] Just letting everyone know, all entries for Jess will be continued @ jemc! post comment

More lyrics. [20 Jun 2009|12:14am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Eve 6 ] I would swallow my pride I would choke on the rinds But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside Swallow my doubt, turn it inside out, find nothing but faith in nothing Wanna put my tender heart in a blender Watch it spin 'round to a beautiful oblivion Rendezvous then I'm through with you I burn burn like a wicker cabinet, chalk white and oh so frail I see our time has gotten stale The tick tock of the clock is painful All sane and logical I want to tear it off the wall I hear words in clips and phrases I think sick like ginger ale My stomach turns and I exhale I would swallow my pride I would choke on the rinds But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside I would swallow my doubt, turn it inside out, find nothing but faith in nothing Wanna put my tender heart in a blender Watch it spin 'round to a beautiful oblivion Rendezvous then I'm through with you So Cal is where my mind states But it's not my state of mind I'm not as ugly sad as you Or am I origami? Folded up and just pretend Demented as the motives in your head I would swallow my pride I would choke on the rinds But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside I would swallow my doubt, turn it inside out, find nothing but faith in nothing Wanna put my tender heart in a blender Watch it spin 'round to a beautiful oblivion Rendezvous then I'm through with you I alone am the one you don't know you need Take heed, feed your ego Make me blind when your eyes close Sink when you get close Tie me to the bedpost I alone am the one you don't know you need You don't know you need me Make me blind when your eyes close Tie me to the bed post 6 comments|post comment

wtf? [16 Jun 2009|10:58pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow ] Do you want to know the last thing my sister said to me before she left me for the burning hell-fire that is Atlanta, GA? If not, then gtfo of my journal. Ahem. She said: "Jess, you kind of remind me of Cartman. Now, pick up your fucking shoes." -Door Slam- I'm not even kidding. I mean, I know I'm annoying sometimes. But, Cartman, really? God, she's such a Jew. 12 comments|post comment

I'm Boring. [13 Jun 2009|11:45am] [ mood | creative ] L.A. really does have a lot to offer, but now that I'm about to be homeless, and start classes that will prevent me from having a life and I keep getting stick figure molested at work, I'm not so sure if it was the right decision to stay out here. I mean, sure, there's some things here that would make me think twice about leaving. But, I don't know. I'm in a weird mood. I mean, I don't think I'm going to consider moving right now. Not unless I can't get something more solid set up for me around here in the next few months. I really can't keep mooching off of everyone I know. I've been thinking about dropping by Cedar Sinai and seeing if they have any nursing positions open that wouldn't require me to have to mess with bodily fluids, needles or babies-- it's a long shot, I know. I guess I can be thankful that my brother and sister aren't around to bug me because I've been chillin' with Ben at his man cave for the past few days. And, I applied for some off campus housing around UCLA. Who knows if I'll even qualify since I'm technically considered an "adult" student. Whatever. Ben's been really great about letting me hang at his house though. He's been really great about a lot of things. It's been fun hanging out with him, because, unlike some people I know, he's not a dick. Anyway, I should go get ready for work and I promised Ben I'd make him breakfast again. I feel like going out tonight, if only so I can still be drunk tomorrow morning when I have to pack. 23 comments|post comment

You probably don't want to read this. [08 Jun 2009|11:41am] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Gym Class Heroes - Clothes Off! ] Yesterday, Sam turned six. I can't believe it and it really makes me feel old. I'm starting to like this kid less and less everyday. We had a little party for him. Just June, myself, June's ex husband and her new beau which was deliciously awkward and uncomfortable. I loved it. Also present was Josh, who flew in to LAX yesterday because he's going to help June move all her shit back to Georgia. I personally think it's stupid for him to be up here a week before she's moving just to visit when they're both going back to Georgia so they can visit any fucking time they want. I'm sure she really just invited him up here so they can gang up on me and give me shit about my life and then try to stuff me in a suitcase or trashbag and drag me down to hell Atlanta with them. Well, it ain't gonna happen. No way. No how. There isn't a thing in this world that would make me want to move back Georgia. Of course, if I don't get settled somewhere before the lease on the apartment is up and the whole hobo thing doesn't work out, well, then, I might have to go back. I'm not going to think about that. I’m just going to think about how the ghost in our apartment is probably definitely going to rape my brother while he’s sleeping on the couch this week. Also, can I just take a second out of this pointless entry to mention what a bunch of douchebags my Mom and Dad are for giving all their children name's that start with the letter 'J'. There's John, Josh, June and me. Wtf were they thinking? All those names suck. They're all so common and stupid. It's not like my parents have names that start with J, or grandparents with J names. No, we just got stuck with the fucking letter J like we're some kind of segment on Sesame Street. God, I hate them. Anyway, the main purpose of this entry was to discuss something I've come to realize after much contemplation and Jack Daniels spiked fruit punch. I am a bitch. A total, unrelenting, pissy-ass bitch. I guess I sort of knew this before I was left to my own devices last night with my fruit punch and reruns of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but I really started thinking about it after I got really depressed when Will got shot at the ATM in one of those episodes that was supposed to have a “message” about the world. I've come up with three possible causes of my bitchedness. 1. I was born this way. When I popped out my Mom’s vag it was predetermined that I was going to be a huge bitch. There was no stopping it. It’s who I am. It’s who I’m going to be for the rest of my life and I’m destined to end up alone and starving with fifteen cats who will eventually eat my body after I die because everyone will be too afraid to call me and check up on me because they think I’m going to bitch at them. 2. It’s learned behavior. My Mom has always been something of a whore bitch slut face, so it is possible that I’ve learned my bitchy ways from her. I was with her a lot as a child since she didn’t work much, and I did like to imitate her from time to time. So, basically, what I’m saying is that if I ever was or ever am a bitch to you, blame my Mom. 3. It’s a defense mechanism. I use being a bitch to keep people at arms length to avoid getting close or getting hurt (I know, it’s some deep shit, right?). If people think I’m a bitch, then they don’t like me so they don’t care if I do something shitty to them, which I am bound to do at some point. Also, since they don’t like me, I don’t have to worry about getting hurt.. I can just hurt them first and avoid any pain myself. It’s win-win really. I do it with my sister, my parents, a majority of my friends... and I guess it’s working out pretty well? I think the explanation for my bitchiness is probably a combination of all three of those, but maybe like 10% of the first one, 20% of the second one and 70% of the third one. That’s just my guess. I should probably see a psychiatrist or something if I want the real figures. Now that I put this out there for the whole world to see, I really only care that one person sees it and maybe forgives me for being such a bitch to him all the time. I can’t help it. It’s genetics, and like I said, blame my fucking Mom. For now, though, I’m going to go draw some obscene pictures on my jet-lagged brother and then probably wake him up with a blow horn. He’s going to love staying here for a week! 10 comments|post comment

Gross. [05 Jun 2009|01:34am] [ mood | weird ] Today, when I was working, some kid drew a picture of a stick figure that looked a lot like me and a stick figure that looked a lot like him (with, what I'm guessing, was a grossly exaggerated picture of his junk) having sex. I know it was me and him because he labeled each stick figure as 'You' and 'Me' and slipped it into a book called 'The History of Sex'. Why do all the UCLA freaks hang out in the UCLA library when I'm working?! And why do they all want to stick-figure rape me? I don't get it. 57 comments|post comment

do the helen keller and talk with your hips [28 May 2009|11:03pm] [ music | new fave ] ( Never trust a ho. ) 11 comments|post comment

Jon & Kate + Eight + Fame = Divorce [25 May 2009|10:48pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | The Raconteurs - Salute Your Solution ] I just finished watching the season premiere of Jon & Kate plus Eight. This may come as a shock to some of you, or well, the three people who might actually read my journal (including the person who was looking for someone else and accidentally landed in my journal for some annoying reason). I suppose I don't come off as the type that might appreciate a reality television show about a couple with a rocky relationship and their eight, freaky looking children. But. I am that type of person. Mainly, because all the other shows I watch have already had their season finales and I need to find some new shows to watch. Don't get me wrong, though, I've been a fan for a while. But, seriously, can you say: FUCKING DEPRESSING, JON AND KATE? I mean, Jesus. They've got all these problems going on and their kids are being followed by paparazzi and Jon's out partying with the college girls. Then, in this episode, they're having a party for their sextuplets and its so friggen awkward and depressing to see them together I can't even stand it. Kate's all like, 'WAAA, I'm here. I'm here 100% but I knew that might be our last family picture together so I knew we had to do it.' and Jon is like 'Yeah. I made some bad choices. I'm here for the kids.' Well. Fuck that. Speaking of couples who have fucked up relationships, my parents inadvertently were forced to invite me to their anniversary party this weekend. They've managed to forget to invite me the past few years, but this time, since my Mom is going stupid, called my phone instead of June's and had to invite me. I didn't go though. I wasn't about to deal with all that. They shouldn't even be celebrating. They stopped being "married" a loooong time ago. Surprisingly, June didn't go either. I think it's because she just got back from house shopping in Atlanta. I don't think she felt like flying back again, but she's usually all about the sucking up, so I don't know. I've officially gotta be out of here by the 5th of June, and I think I still have a place to stay with (get this!) Rob White! Yeah, the fucking wrestler... or boxer... or whatever he is. I just know he fights a lot. We still have to get together and work out the details, but I feel a lot better knowing I've got an option besides a cardboard box on the sidewalk. I start classes the second week of June, and I've already started working in the library. Those UCLA bitches are perverts. That is all I'm saying. In the meantime, before I've gotta move out and start being a college student again, Jason and I are setting up a ghost hunting investigation in the apartment. It's haunted. I don't care what anyone says, and I'm going to get proof. Just watch. Also, Jason.. I found an Ouija board. So, yeah. It's ghost time. 6 comments|post comment

Jessica Blart [20 May 2009|11:28pm] [ mood | amused ] My future husband: So true, Paul Blart, the mind is the only weapon that doesn't need a holster. So. True. post comment

Nope [16 May 2009|05:48pm] [ mood | confused ] This is not good. Not good at all. 14 comments|post comment

(Not) Talented [11 May 2009|01:58pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | Nsync - Digital Get Down ] I started painting again: Just kidding. That's Sam's painting. He obviously did not get his artistic abilities from me, because he kind of sucks. I really have been painting though. June bought me some art supplies the other day for no other reason than to try to get me to stop throwing her things off the roof of the apartment building. She was pissed when I tossed the phone over the railing, but you know, screw her for leaving me. Anyway, I used to paint all the time. That's all I did in high school. I don't remember when or why I stopped, but I did. Now, I'm starting again. Except, when I started a couple of days ago I figured I didn't have anything better to do. Now, unfortunately, I do have better things to do. Better thing #1: I got accepted at UCLA for the summer session. I start classes in a couple of weeks. I'm taking a history class, a psychology class and a math class (which will probably make me want to kill myself). I didn't declare a major or anything. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Well, I know what I don't want to do with my life.. and that is nursing. Plus, I don't want to make any rash decisions and declare something, because five minutes later, I'll want to change to something else. Better thing #2: I need to start packing my shit up. I think I may have actually found a place to live. Not sure. I should probably meet this guy and make sure he's not psycho or doesn't live in some kind of dungeon or something. I guess I'm staying in L.A. for now. Until I get bored anyway. Better thing #3: I GOT A JOB! Like, an actual job. I went to campus the other day to fill out some registration papers and take some placement tests and got a job working in the library. Yes, you read it correctly, I'm going to be a librarian. Hah. I don't know why they thought I'd be good working in a place where you have to be quiet and non-judgmental, but apparently, they were desperate. Whatever. I'm not complaining. I'll take whatever I can get right now. Those are all the better things I have to do. Don't get me wrong, I don't plan on putting painting on the back burner again. I'll just have to fit it in somewhere between homework, shelving books, packing up my life and beating my head against the wall. 18 comments|post comment

WHO IS THE COON? [07 May 2009|12:04am] [ mood | happy ] " The city isn't what it used to be. It all happened so fast. Everything went to crap. It's like... everyone's sense of morals just... disappeared. Bad economy made things worse. The jobs started drying up. Then the stores had to shut down. Then a black man was elected President. He was supposed to change things. He didn't. As more and more people turned to crime and violence, the town becomes gripped in fear. Dark times. The city needs protection. There is an animal that lives by night, searches the trashcans and cleans out the garbage. To clean out the trashcan of society I've chosen to become more than a man. I'm the hero this town needs. I am... THE COON! " 6 comments|post comment

for realz [01 May 2009|10:39am] [ mood | sick ] I believe Prince said it best when he said, "Act your age, not your shoe size." So. Grow up. Status: Dying. Of what?: Probably Pig/Bird/Raccoon/Monkey/Human Flu. 65 comments|post comment

it's a bird! it's a plane! no, it's a terrorist! [28 Apr 2009|10:37am] [ mood | horny ] Of course, it is only fitting that they decide to have a fake terrorist attack during the duration of my stay in New York. It was so exciting; I don't think I want to leave now! When it happened, I was on my way to go shopping with a friend of a friend and people started running out of buildings and screaming and little ole' me, I'm just standing there wondering what the fuck all the commotion was about. It was certainly the highlight of my little getaway. I had actually decided to stay in NY a little longer before the president thought about flying his plane around ground zero to have a photo opportunity (I swear, photographers are ruining the world). Now, I'm really glad I did. Sadly, I'm coming back to L.A. tomorrow. I've got an early flight. So. Early. I should be back in the afternoon. The apartment out here is nice, but sharing it with an ex-boyfriend who proposed and I shot down is probably not going to work out. This means I'd need to find a job and an apartment in New York before I could actually move out here. In L.A., all I need is a roommate. And maybe a second job. I haven't quite decided what I'll do. I'm working on weighing pros and cons of moving and staying. .locked. (open to june and jason) I had to buy a pregnancy test on Sunday. I was late. Really late. Like, almost three weeks late and I hadn't even noticed. How did I not notice? I guess I was busy thinking about going to New York and worrying about being out on the street in a couple of weeks? Anyway, three tests came back negative and then my long-awaited and very unfashionably late monthly gift arrived. I realized I'd missed a couple birth control pills this month. I don't know how. I'm usually pretty good about taking them because of past mishaps. I'm fucking stupid. The worst part is, when I was having a mental breakdown, thinking I was pregnant. It wasn't because I thought I was going to have a nasty baby, it was because I had no idea who the father could have been of that nasty baby. There were many possibilities. Fuck. I do not want to be one of those whores on Maury talking about 'I don't know who ma baby-daddy is!' and the little Maury bubble down in the corner of the screen says something like 'I've test 37 men... and I still don't know who's the father of my child!' NO! THAT'S NOT GOING TO BE ME! Since I'm working on quitting smoking, I decided I would quit sex for a while, too. Just to be safe, you know? Because apparently, birth control isn't quite as reliable as it used to be. Problem is, Jason fucking Carr getting me all hot and bothered over instant messenger. Seriously. What's the point? What is the fucking point? I obviously cannot talk to him or be around him when I'm trying to work on my self-control because he has none, and when I'm around him .. I don't really have any either. When I signed off last night, I had to go lock myself in the free bedroom and put a pillow over my mouth so as not to disturb the neighbors. Lucky for me, by the time I get back to L.A., he will be jetting off to some fancy exotic island with fancy exotic models. He can go fuck all of them. That way, when he gets back, he'll be all fucked out. And I'll be used to just getting myself off, so I won't even need him! Or anyone else! Perfect. This is going to work out well if I could just stop being horny all the time. No, it's definitely going to work. 18 comments|post comment

[21 Apr 2009|06:35am] [ mood | uncomfortable ] Seriously?! You've got to be fucking kidding me. 22 comments|post comment

This is important. And serious [18 Apr 2009|07:38am] [ mood | mischievous ] I know I just posted a random and idiotic post yesterday, but I have something very serious and important to say about the state of our nation: TEA-BAGGING. That is all. post comment

I have no subject. [17 Apr 2009|10:41am] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Prince - Kiss ] On occasion, I enjoy helping out around my sister's apartment. Sometimes I'll do my laundry or maybe wash a dish or two because I get tired of eating cereal off a plate with a fork. One time I even ran the vacuum after a while because I spilled a whole can of sunflower seeds and I got sick of them sticking to the bottom of my feet. Last night, I volunteered to go grocery shopping so June could grade papers or whatever it is she does when I'm not around. She probably just wanted me to leave because I'm in the process of setting up a ghost hunting investigation. She seems to think putting cameras up in the bathroom and in her bedroom is a gross invasion of her privacy. But, you know, I'm just like whatever. It's all for the sake of proof, you know? If I had a ghost living in my apartment, I'd wanna know. Anyway, I went to the market last night. When I got there, I remembered how much I hated grocery shopping, so I hung out in the frozen food section hoping that some nice stock boy would come ask me if I needed help. He didn't. So, then I started having cart races with this little bitch who told her Mom on me when I knocked over a paper towel display. After that, I actually got some of the things on June's list, but that was boring so I started asking people if they had any Prince Albert in a can. People around here just don't have any sense of humor. When I left, I literally ran into Cameron Hayden who had no explanation of wtf he was doing in L.A. I've decided he's stalking me, for sure. I mean, all of the sudden he texts me a week ago and asks me if I want to move out to New York with him. I haven't seen this kid in two years! I guess he needs a roommate or something. Now, he's "visiting" in L.A. at the same grocery store as me? That's shady. Very shady. I couldn't hang around and talk though because I had ice cream melting, but he wants me to come to New York this weekend. I don't know if I will because I've got a ghost hunting investigation to attend to. Plus, if I leave, who would let Prince Albert out of his can? No one. That's who. 10 comments|post comment

I'm going to get in trouble, but I don't care! [10 Apr 2009|01:32pm] [ mood | amused ] ( Jason Carr likes it up the butt. ) 6 comments|post comment

Whoops. [07 Apr 2009|04:28pm] [ mood | disappointed ] Las Vegas gives me a headache. !locked! -open to June- I've made a fair share of bad decisions in my life. I get that it's my "thing" to be a fuck-up. But why the hell did anyone let me go to Vegas? Someone should have stopped me. Someone should have thought Jess + Sin City = The End of the World. I allotted myself $250 to gamble with because I'm actually trying to pull some of my shit together and not spend the rest of my life mooching off June. Guess how much money I'm coming back with? Not $250! I lost it all. Yep, all of it is gone. So, that was bad decision number one. Bad decision number two was the amount of alcohol I drank during the duration of the trip. In fact, I can't recall drinking anything but alcohol. That is bad. Very bad. I really thought that I was doing a good job with self-control. But apparently not, because I also kissed Haley's fiancé ... the day before their wedding! He was down in the casino while Haley was off making sure her wedding gown fit. He won something at the blackjack table and we kissed. It was innocent. Except, then we went into the woman's bathroom and kissed some more until one of the casino staffers came in and kicked us out. I hate to think what might have happened if someone hadn't complained about us. Next, having sex with a random guy and a not so random guy was not a good way to spend my Vegas time. I met someone around the bar in the casino the first night we checked it. Since Jason had gotten his own room and was no where to be found, I brought Random Guy up to my room and we had some fun. Then, after the wedding, Jason and I made nice in my room. Ugh. I feel the worst about the Not So Random Guy, just because I try not to fuck my guy friends. Things usually get messy afterwards, and I prefer to fuck people who don't know anything about me, and who will not have the opportunity to know anything about me. I really wanted to be friends with him, too. Oh, well. I do not plan on going back to Vegas for a long, long time. It's not all that it’s made out to be. It's just a big piece of shit city that makes you do things you shouldn't. F Las Vegas in the B. 20 comments|post comment

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