And the record keeps playing the same old song....
So the graduation festivities were yesterday. It went pretty well. Though the result today is sadness, sickness, and nearly rubbed off rub on tattoos. But hey, that's just me.
Of course it took this to finally break me. I'm completely back to how I was before. Feeling hopeless and talentless and worthless. Of course, that makes me feel immensely guilty, because all these people spent their time and money to help me celebrate my this massive accomplishment of mine. I don't feel worthy, and I feel like I should. I'm like Buffy in season 7. She had a superiority complex, and an inferiority complex about her superiority complex. Only.... those aren't exactly my complexes.
The party started at 5:30, which is lame, because my sister told me 6, so that's what the invites said. Oh well.
I enjoyed hanging out with family and friends. Of course, my sister decided it would be fantastic to bring a guy she wanted to hook me up with. Whooooooooaaa massive pressure there, folks! I was freaking out, because 1, what if we hit it off? 2, what if we DIDN'T hit it off? What if, either way, I had to entertain him?! Gahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! It ended up not mattering because he was so shy that we barely exchanged 2 words and barely spent 5 minutes together. Also, my nephew Gary was smarticle and suggested beer to calm the nerves. Ohhhh yeah. I had 2, and then Laura and Ryan brought vodka, so I spiked my drinks. Then I was good and ready to meet this character. He's really not my type physically, but apparently those he DID talk to said he seemed really nice and I should give him a chance. Therefore, there's a group date with my sisters, their husbands, and me and this guy to go to the comedy club next Friday.
I really don't see anything happening though, because I didn't feel much then. Also, he is soooooooo quiet, what are the odds? Guh. Oh well, I'm still gonna do it. Just to say I did it, I suppose. Plus this comedy club should be fun. Hopefully I'll be able to make Laura and Ryan's party afterward.
Some surprises, first of all, my friends Rachel and Josh never showed. I wonder why?? Hmmmmm. I haven't heard from them yet, so who knows.
JOHN, my nephew, is joining the air force. I'm very proud of him, but it terrifies me so much. So we're not going to talk about it anymore, cuz I'll cry.
My cousin Thommy was there!! I was so excited, I haven't seen him in forever!! Every person I meet I tell about Thommy. I don't know if I ever wrote about him in my journals or not though. You tell me. He has had crazy experiences with roller coasters, spiders, cliffs, sky-diving, and cars. Any ring a bell? Also, he wrote a movie that Miramax bought. I hope they get off their asses and make it, cuz it was supposed to be in theatres last fall!! They haven't shot a THING yet! Ugh. I was excited that Laura, Ryan, and Amanda got to meet him, though. I effing love that guy.
Amanda came! Yay! If you read this Amanda, I appreciate it. I know that what you're going through now sucks, so it means a lot. Thank you :)
Oh! Another shocker. When I was flipping out over having to meet this guy, do you know who came to my rescue? Besides Gary and Ashley, who encouraged the alcohol consumption, lmao. My nephew Chris!
Some background on Chris. He and my nephew (his brother) Corey, used to be 2 of my best friends. Both are older than me, Corey by 2 months and Chris by a year or 2. When we got to that age where boys and girls are "icky" to each other, we kinda stopped talking. Corey and I ended up getting close again because we were both into music and writing songs. We even wrote a few together and encouraged each other. Chris and I kept drifting though. Even after his son was born on MY BIRTHDAY (crazy, eh?) we still didn't talk much. I mean, we don't have much in common at all.
But at this party, he found out how freaked I was. He talked to me and told me to just relax, I shouldn't feel any pressure because this is MY party. No one can tell me what to do or how to feel, and to just go with it. It made me feel better. I was so surprised because we never talked like that before. When it came time for him to go to work, I hugged him goodbye, thanked him for coming, and congratulated him on his own graduation from the fire academy. Yes, he's gonna be a fire fighter!! I'll be at his party on July 18. Anywhoo, I was happy for that interaction. I miss being close to him. Who am I kidding though, I want to be close to everyone I know lol.
I really need to do stuff when I don't feel like it. Today I didn't feel like doing so much, including this entry, but look how it turned out! Pretty effing long and revealing. *Sigh* now I guess I'm gonna go thru the tedious process of jpeging my portfolio so people can look at it and give me feedback. I so don't want to, but I will. Because I'll hate myself if I don't, and I really need to. I feel good if I do. So there. Question me, jerk, see where it gets you :P
Oh, btw, anyone here watch Dawson's Creek? I swear, the whole Joey-and-Pacey thing in season 4 is soooooooooooooo much like the relationship I had with Scott. Of course there were some major and obvious differences, but still. It creeped me out, but I also thought it was awesome because I've never seen a relationship like that on tv.
Also, I'm wearing a shirt that is camo-print that says DROP AND GIVE ME 20. Aaaaaaaahahahahahahaha.