Today was yet another day where I spent time looking for jobs. I got such a headache doing it, too. Half the places I'm interested in don't post about entry level stuff, some don't have career listings at all, and gahhhh!!! I wanted to stay here or go to Fort Worth, but I might end up trying to go to Chicago. There would be a Publishing house I could work at there, right? :P Even the crappy ass employment sites don't have anything. One only showed positions in the Navy! Screw that!!!

I texted Annie and she is going to try to look into places in downtown Fort Worth for me. I tried looking it up myself but it gave me an even bigger headache. MEH.

I also looked into classes at Schoolcraft, a local community college. I could continue studying art. I'd like to re-learn web design since I haven't done that since Senior year at LHS. I could also learn how to use flash and other animation stuffs. BUT in addition to that, I would also learn some other crap, like technical writing. Then I could get a job not in my field, but it'd still be a decent job. And NOT at Sears. Ugh.

I redid my myspace...it looks pretty good. I even made new boxes for "Who I Want to Meet". It's pretty snazzy. I have to make one for Hailey, too, but I have to wait until she gets online and lets me know who she wants. You should go look and tell me how awesome I am :)

Jackie's snazzy space.


I need a cuddly baby critter to love :(

Okay this may sound really stupid, but when I was in either Kindergarten or first grade... I think it was first grade, though... the class would make birthday cards for you on your birthday. I remember I kept them in this manila envelope.

One day, they were just gone. I kept looking for them again and again, but I've never been able to find them. How old are you in first grade... 6? 18 years later, I'm still wanting them! I always keep stuff like that. I still have a bunch of notes Meghan wrote me in high school. Grade school as well.

I betcha I know what happened. I bet my sister was cleaning one day and was like "She'll never miss these" and tossed them. Well HEY!!! I am STILL wondering what happened to them, lady!!!

In other news, I will be sitting in the theater watching "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" in about 3 hours! Woo hoo!!! I can not tell you how long I've been waiting for this moment. I'm sure you'll hear all about it later, folks :)

So do you want to hear something weird? For the first time in a VERY long time, I felt happy and accomplished today! And it all happened because I forced myself to crack my shell that I've built up. A shell of anger, fear and misery. A bad bad shell. Not a good one. Comprende?

Anyhoo.

I'm really effing tired but I still have more stuff to do before I go to bed, and I really need a break from that crap. So on we go.

I was worried today was gonna be bad. First off, I woke up 45 minutes late. Not a big deal, but I did want to shower before work. I didn't get that opportunity. Then when I went to make my lunch, I caused a massive avalanche of cookie sheets and muffin tins by picking up a loaf of bread. Yes, I am that awesome.

So I started out pretty crankily. Ha, crankily. But work went surprisingly well. I talked to a few people, got a bunch of work done... although the last hour was a drag because there was nothing to do. BUT it allowed time for social interaction. I actually talked to a lot of people where as normal I'd be quiet and keep to myself.

About 20 minutes before punch time, I had to change clothes because I had to go straight to school. I felt stupid though. My uniform is all black, so I went from that to tight khaki pants, a green tank top and a purple zip-up. I was really colorful and I felt like an attention whore. But I wasn't!! I had school, dammit. I still felt like I'd be judged though. But Diane, this really sweet woman I work with kept telling me how cute I was and that I looked like a Barbie doll. Haha, I love her, it was sweet.

So this good day vibe followed me to school, where it helped me to deliver a pretty good speech. I think the teacher thinks I'm a bit loopy, but on the plus side, he said he was going to rent Veronica Mars. Woo hoo!

Here at home I edited all my pictures for my portfolio while watching the new episodes of Bones and One Tree Hill (awww I want a Nathan :), and finishing up the first half of Apocalypse Now.

Now it's 11:10 pm and I still have to finish up my crap for the art show. It's not much, just have to mount something, but I'm so tired and blah.... I just want to... I don't know what I want to do. But I want to do it. Sleep or shower or something, lol. Maybe watch a lil something.

I don't know. Want to hear something stupid? There's a friend that I've been hanging out with quite a bit. We are quite close, but don't hold the bff titles. So... idk, it still makes me sad when I read her answer questions about her best friend... I mean it shouldn't, because we are really close. It just makes me feel like... I don't know, like there's a wall up there and that nothing I do can be good enough. But that's dumb, because it seems like I'm trying to beat out her best friend. I don't want to do that, though. But that's what it seems like. I guess I just need reassurance. A lot of it. Beh.

I really need to learn to keep up the happy vibes. I really want to be like Eddie at work. He's so happy and positive. I love it, that's how I want to be. I usually am like that, but lately not so much. I am trying though! I'm trying.

So last night I had dinner with Rachel and Josh. It was fun, but of course, me lacking in the self-esteem department, began to wonder if it was a pity-date. But oh well. We were really good friends at one point, so... idk I just hope that it's one of those stupid mind-messer with feelings.

It also made me sad because I realized they still talk to Chris and AJ, where as I have been disowned by them. Oh well. What can ya do?

So I have my first portfolio assignment. I'm taking an Advanced Studio, one of my last classes before graduation, and for my AS, I'm pulling a portfolio together. Robin and I went through my work today, and she wrote down the stronger pieces, and now gave me a totally new assignment.

In my Advanced Problems in Commercial Art class, we had an assignment to do a packaging design, and we had numerous options. I opted to go for the hairband packaging. Now, I have to do another one. I'm thinking of doing either band-aid packaging, or maybe crayons. I love coloring :) And I like band-aids. Weird, but true lol. OH OH maybe post-it packaging? Hmmm.... I'll have to look into this.

Anyhoo, I found all the pictures I need for my mood theme. Now I just have to tweak them (ie, whatever that means, I found numerous pictures for some emotions and now I have to sort out which I want to use), and decide if I want to keep them as is, or add a color theme, orrrrr if I want to posterize them. Ya know. Whatever. I think I'll do that as soon as I finish up my assignment for photo 2. We have to write about a favorite photograph of ours. Me, being the indecisive one, found 2. I'm going to write about them both, and bring them both in. Either that, or write one and be tired of writing and stick with that one lol. OR maybe I will write both and like one better in the end.

Ya see what I mean about indecisive? lol



( My choices )

Well, that was sure a long week!

My sister is home now. I don't trust my brother-in-law to take awesome care of her, but w/e. She wanted to stay there.

She feels a lot better today, which is good. Also, my other sis took work off tomorrow to go over there. That's good. I'm thinking about staying over there Tuesday night and coming back home on Wednesday before class. Of course, I'll have to buy some allergy meds, cuz she has a kitty. Who, by the way, is fat and chubby and so freakin' cute. I want one!

*sigh* This week has been so busy that I haven't even began my assignment to make an outline for a paper. I barely was even able to think of a topic, which is why I'm glad I discussed it with my therapist. I'm just gonna do an aspect of Narcissism. I already have 2 books on the subject and I wanted to learn about it anyway. It's not very fun, but oh well. I can always change my mind later!

I haven't heard back from one teacher, whose class I missed :( AND I keep forgetting to call Robin to schedule my Advanced Studio. This is lame. LAME I tell you! I will try to remember to call her during work tomorrow.

Meh. I guess I should try out that outline now, eh?