Shaking on the outside from what I'm feeling inside....
I really really reeeeeally hate it at Sears. I mean REALLY. A lot of the people are getting to be ass holes, some of them always were, and some I'm just confused by. Tensions are high, hours are low, and people are reaching their breaking points. Even the happiest people there that I have NEVER seen angry are getting unhappy, including myself.
I will say that yes, I do hide myself away when I'm at work. There are very few people that I fit in with there, and for the most part we all have different jobs so I'm rarely in their company. But for the few moments I spend with these people, I feel like it's okay to be myself. But the others, I just don't understand. Ugh. When I'm there I don't talk often, I just do what I'm supposed to and move on. What else WOULD I do? I think a few people take that as a lack of intelligence, or find me to be boring, but whatever. I'm just not happy there and more and more I grow to hate it.
Today I had to fight to keep myself from breaking down into tears. Which actually, was quite a shock because I can't remember the last time I really cried. I rarely do. Even if I'm watching a sad movie or tv show, sometimes I have to fight for tears to come to feel that release. And today I had to fight to keep it in.
FUCK.
I need a new job, but it's so hard..... I'm honestly so close to just going and getting a hosting job, because I know that. The pay will probably be shitty. Oh well. I can't just up and quit Sears like I so badly wanted to today. I have to start paying back student loans in October :(
I feel so broken. I'm at my wits end, as Jafar says :P
I will give you one little ray of sunshine, though. I have to do these fucking PCNs (Price Change Notifications) but all the merchandise in the back is so jam-packed that I can't get to anything. At all. (The back is pretty much the size of a warehouse, if that gives you an idea of how bad it is). So I was complaining about it to Cindy and Marianne. Cindy says "You can't get through that shit! You're not a fucking SPIDER!" That made me laugh a lot. Ahahahaha. I can just see a little black spider crawling over all the merchandise scanning for numbers. Lmao.
Okay I feel better after thinking about that, but really. I've had about all I can take....
I will say that yes, I do hide myself away when I'm at work. There are very few people that I fit in with there, and for the most part we all have different jobs so I'm rarely in their company. But for the few moments I spend with these people, I feel like it's okay to be myself. But the others, I just don't understand. Ugh. When I'm there I don't talk often, I just do what I'm supposed to and move on. What else WOULD I do? I think a few people take that as a lack of intelligence, or find me to be boring, but whatever. I'm just not happy there and more and more I grow to hate it.
Today I had to fight to keep myself from breaking down into tears. Which actually, was quite a shock because I can't remember the last time I really cried. I rarely do. Even if I'm watching a sad movie or tv show, sometimes I have to fight for tears to come to feel that release. And today I had to fight to keep it in.
FUCK.
I need a new job, but it's so hard..... I'm honestly so close to just going and getting a hosting job, because I know that. The pay will probably be shitty. Oh well. I can't just up and quit Sears like I so badly wanted to today. I have to start paying back student loans in October :(
I feel so broken. I'm at my wits end, as Jafar says :P
I will give you one little ray of sunshine, though. I have to do these fucking PCNs (Price Change Notifications) but all the merchandise in the back is so jam-packed that I can't get to anything. At all. (The back is pretty much the size of a warehouse, if that gives you an idea of how bad it is). So I was complaining about it to Cindy and Marianne. Cindy says "You can't get through that shit! You're not a fucking SPIDER!" That made me laugh a lot. Ahahahaha. I can just see a little black spider crawling over all the merchandise scanning for numbers. Lmao.
Okay I feel better after thinking about that, but really. I've had about all I can take....
mood: 
distressed
distressed