InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Is he a top or a bottom?"

Susan (_bonetopick) wrote,
@ 2013-07-28 06:26:00

(slight tearstains are visible)
~~I guess this is a thing. I know Auntie has nightmares. Jas just had some sort of weird dream like this. But --~~

I know it's early, but I just had some sort of... ~~nightmare~~ dream. Or vision of the future, I don't know. I mean, it happened when I was sleeping, but it seemed so real ~~because I'm still crying and shaking~~ and it seems to correlate with accounts I've heard from the future.

[Jasper]
I need to see you as soon as possible. ~~I need to make sure you're okay~~
[/Ward]

[Family]
I love you guys. I wanted to tell you again while I had the chance.
[/Ward]

(Post a new comment)

	Jasper/Susan. puffitude 2013-07-28 01:44 pm UTC (link)
	What happened? Make sure I'm okay? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Jasper/Susan. _bonetopick 2013-07-28 01:57 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know how but I saw it, Jas. I saw everything. I saw the curse hit you and everything. I know this sounds crazy because I haven't lived it but I know what I saw is what happened. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jasper/Susan. puffitude 2013-07-28 01:58 pm UTC (link)
	What? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jasper/Susan. _bonetopick 2013-07-28 02:18 pm UTC (link)
	Don't make me say it again. I can't even -- Meet me somewhere? Anywhere. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Jasper/Susan. puffitude 2013-07-30 03:41 pm UTC (link)
	I'm coming over. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Susan/Lea perniciously 2013-07-28 04:05 pm UTC (link)
	Jas? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Susan/Lea _bonetopick 2013-07-28 05:10 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. The whole thing. I should have kept him safe. I tried -- it was so hard -- I was supposed to have his back but people were everywhere and -- I'm sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Lea perniciously 2013-07-30 04:47 am UTC (link)
	At least you were there. He wasn't alone. I'm sorry, Susan. I'm so sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Susan/Lea

_bonetopick
2013-07-30 05:38 am UTC (link)

I could have saved him. I should have saved him. It should have been me instead. My whole family is gone at that point... they could have just finished the job. I can't say he stayed because I wouldn't leave, but... I feel like it's my fault he died and that I should have done more to save him. I don't even know.

It wasn't just my loss, though. You're his best friend. I'm sorry for you too.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Susan/Lea

perniciously
2013-07-30 04:12 pm UTC (link)

No! Okay. Just. Don't think like that. It does a disservice to his death there and his life here. Okay?! He wouldn't have wanted it the other way round, and you bloody well know it. "If I..." "What if..." They'll drive you mad. Because if I hadn't let myself be ushered out with the rest of Slytherin, I might have been there, too. If I hadn't decided to stay in the castle and look for younger years, I might have been at your sides instead of putting myself directly in the path of my older brother. If I had been there, with him and you, two lives might have been spared. If and might, Susan. What good are they?

Don't be sorry for me. Hate me. It's easier to handle. What sort of friend was I that I probably didn't even learn about it until years later? I fucking run away. I kidnap my younger brother, obliviate my family, and get the fuck out without looking back. I assume Jas would still be there.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Susan/Lea

_bonetopick
2013-07-30 04:21 pm UTC (link)

I don't even know, Lea. I'm not there yet. To some people this is like reliving the past, but for me, I'm trying to process it all and figure out if I can change it. But I know I can't. I know I won't remember any if this if and when I get sent back, and I'll have to live it all over again, for real this time. What good is knowing about it if it won't prepare me for it later?

I don't hate you. I can't hate you when you're his best friend. You had to do what you had to do.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan/Lea perniciously 2013-07-30 04:23 pm UTC (link)
	The what ifs will eat you alive, and I will gladly take that memory from you if it means you and Jas get to have a happy ending here. In a heart beat, Susan. All you have to do is ask. I know the spell. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	precisely_percy 2013-07-28 06:28 pm UTC (link)
	Have you consulted the village dream interpreter? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	_bonetopick 2013-07-28 09:46 pm UTC (link)
	No. I'm not entirely sure it was just a dream, though. It was very vivid and very linear. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	precisely_percy 2013-07-28 10:35 pm UTC (link)
	I've had dreams that were pretty vivid myself. What make you think this particular dream was any different? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	_bonetopick 2013-07-28 10:45 pm UTC (link)
	I don't know if I can get into that without talking about the subject matter, and I would rather not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	precisely_percy 2013-07-28 10:54 pm UTC (link)
	Very well. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Bones family loyalbone 2013-07-28 06:45 pm UTC (link)
	We love you too, Susan. Is everything alright? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Bones family _bonetopick 2013-07-28 10:47 pm UTC (link)
	I know. I just wanted to tell you again. Not really. ... Did I ever tell you that when the ages got all wonky a while back, Jasper aged up? He came from the moment he died. That was my dream. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Bones family loyalbone 2013-07-29 03:55 pm UTC (link)
	I'm sorry you had to go through that, Susan. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Susan callofthemoon 2013-07-28 09:51 pm UTC (link)
	I am sorry, sweetheart. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Professor Lupin _bonetopick 2013-07-28 10:49 pm UTC (link)
	Me, too. And for the record I'm so sorry we lost you too. In the battle, I mean. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan callofthemoon 2013-07-28 10:58 pm UTC (link)
	I appreciate it, sweetheart, but I expected it much sooner. Do not waste your grief on me. If I could give you back your loved ones, I would. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Susan \| Albus blueseaweed 2013-07-28 09:59 pm UTC (link)
	It was a bad dream, wasn't it? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Susan \| Albus _bonetopick 2013-07-28 10:51 pm UTC (link)
	Yes. A very bad one. Can I have a hug? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Susan \| Albus blueseaweed 2013-07-28 10:56 pm UTC (link)
	Of course you can! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Susan \|\| Ernie ernie_macmillan 2013-07-28 10:01 pm UTC (link)
	I am so sorry, love. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Susan \|\| Ernie _bonetopick 2013-07-28 10:54 pm UTC (link)
	You were in my dream, you know. It was the night Voldemort attacked Hogwarts. ... Among other things. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Susan \|\| Ernie ernie_macmillan 2013-07-28 11:02 pm UTC (link)
	You dreamed about a night you have yet to live? Oh, Merlin, I am sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan \|\| Ernie _bonetopick 2013-07-29 03:40 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. Ice cream is in the freezer. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Sally \|\| Susan noboneabout 2013-07-28 10:20 pm UTC (link)
	I love you too, angel. Now I am coming over. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Sally \|\| Susan _bonetopick 2013-07-28 10:54 pm UTC (link)
	Okay, Auntie. I'm sorry if I start crying all over you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Sally \|\| Susan noboneabout 2013-07-28 10:57 pm UTC (link)
	It is what aunties are for, my lovely girl. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	cutacorner 2013-07-28 10:32 pm UTC (link)
	What? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	_bonetopick 2013-07-28 10:50 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. It was definitely weird. Among other things. Mike I dreamt about the battle. Even though it hasn't happened at home yet. It had to have been the battle. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mike \|\| Susan cutacorner 2013-07-28 10:59 pm UTC (link)
	Those used to suck. I am sorry, Susie Q. Wait -- it wasn't a memory though? You weren't there. Merlin, SUSE, I am SO sorry. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mike \|\| Susan _bonetopick 2013-07-29 03:41 am UTC (link)
	It's a memory from my future. I don't even know. I don't want to think about it but now I'm not going to be able to sleep. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Susan _lovelybones 2013-07-29 02:52 am UTC (link)
	My sweet girl, is everything okay? While you had the chance... it sounds ominous. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Auntie _bonetopick 2013-07-29 03:43 am UTC (link)
	No. I had a nightmare. I was just reminded that you guys aren't there at home, and that I lose people all too quickly. ...I saw Jasper die. Just like everyone tells me I will. How do you even deal with a dream like that? Something for me to look forward to, I guess. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan _lovelybones 2013-07-29 03:48 am UTC (link)
	Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry. I know... what that is like. There is... not an easy way to deal with a dream like that. I could lie and say there was, but that wouldn't be fair to you. I'm not very good with words, not anymore. But I am coming over, alright? And no doubt Sally has already said the same, if I know her the way I think I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Auntie _bonetopick 2013-07-29 03:52 am UTC (link)
	It's okay. I'm just glad you're here with me. Okay. Hopefully I'll get all my crying out with Aunt Sally so I don't have to cry on you too. I make no promises though. Also, I have ice cream. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Susan _lovelybones 2013-07-29 03:58 am UTC (link)
	I'm glad I'm here too. There's no where else I'd rather be. Oh boo. I'm the queen of emotional breakdowns lately. You're allowed about a million at this point before you have to start apologizing. I'll bring the brownies. (Reply to this) (Parent)