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[30 Jun 2009|11:49am] |
I got a phone call last week from a certain female celebrity that has a movie premiere coming up rather soon. She wanted to know if I could design a dress for her to wear on the red carpet. And, I mean, of course I can! What kind of aspiring fashion designer would I be if I turned down an invitation to have my design seen by millions of people?! Not a very good one, I'd say. But anyhow, the dress is actually for Melodi Lee who I seem to have this weird Six Degrees of Seperation thing going on with. She's the sister of the woman (Ryan Ainslee) who co-starred with my brother (Bailey Jacobs) on that tv show a few years back. She's also the sister-in-law of the guy (Keegan Santos) who I am designing clothes for in the movie (RUIN) that I got a chance at through one of my husband's patients (Jaisen Natians). Insane! But anyway, yeah, it's for Melodi to wear to her LA premiere of Harry Potter.
I'm kind of really REALLY excited about it. I'm also excited because I finally figured out what I'm going to call my line when it's finished so that people who are wearing my designs can be like 'Oh, I'm wearing ...' King actually helped me pick it because I hadn't really thought of using it. But anyway! I'm using 'Denin' .. my middle name .. for the label. My Dad would have liked that since he picked that name for me and maybe someday it'll be a household word! Who knows.
Private ;; Close Friends and Family.
King and I have been talking about things lately, about having a family together. For the longest time, I just kept it in my head that the possibility would never actually be there. But that wasn't because the doctors told me I couldn't or because anyone had medically declared me incapable. It's because I was afraid to admit to myself that I could if I was willing to go through some really hard stuff to get there. It was just easier to say no .. you have no ovaries .. you're obviously incapable. But ... yeah.
When I was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer, my Mom and I sat down to have a really long discussion about my future. She was determined to do everything in her power to ensure that I had the best and brightest future ahead of me, despite what I was going through at the time. At fifteen, you're not thinking about having kids or getting married or wanting a family. You're thinking about what to wear to school the next day and whether or not the boy in third period likes you. You're thinking about all the possibilities that lie ahead. At fifteen, I felt like my legs got cut out from under me. But I have a great Mom who told me that it didn't have to be an end, that there were things we could do to make sure that I still got to be just like every other girl.
We saved some of my eggs. I think the doctor said there was around 25. There's no way of telling if they're all viable until they attempt to fertilize them but .. I have them. I have them because my Mom wanted me to be able to have a family someday, because she was looking out for me and being the best possible Mom .. ever.
I have this little girl and I love her dearly. I have loved her from the moment I met her when she was only ten months old. She is my daughter even though I didn't give birth to her. And being her Mom just makes me feel so happy and it makes me hope that if someday, something horrible comes along, that I can be just as great a mother to her as mine was to me. And raising her? It makes me want to experience what I've been fighting for so long, what I've been telling myself that I couldn't do because I was scared.
I'm not scared anymore. I have a family. I have an amazing kid and a loving husband. I'm young. I can do this. We talked the other day and we've both decided that we're ready. I actually started taking hormones and was put on fertility meds to try and get my body ready for in vitro. It's just a matter of waiting for the doctor to give the okay now. Which, may take a couple of months but .. I don't know. I think I just wanted to put this out there. Let everyone know where my head is at right now because when the time comes? I'm totally gonna need everybody's support.
End Private.
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