InsaneJournal

Dorcas Meadowes is still alive (_dorcas_) wrote, @ 2012-04-03 03:32:00

I have barely left my room since the other night with Regulus. Only once did I go out, just to walk, and even then with some heavy transfiguration. The whole process was rather exhausting, physically, magically, and emotionally, so I have been staying in my room since then. Even meals, I have ordered and then taken upstairs. I never even dreamed how terrifying this would all be.

I bought a journal from Flourish & Blotts during my walk. I sort of remember having one long ago, but I don't think I ever used it much, and of course I didn't take anything with me when I ran. It has been interesting, watching others write. Most, I don't recognize, but I've picked up on a few interesting tidbits. It is spring break at Hogwarts... I remember going home to see Mum before she died, how we would always go shopping in Muggle London. It was one of the few times she would splurge on new clothes, always for spring. The Weasleys have more children than I remember. Lily Potter's son would be a seventh year. The last I remember, she had been pregnant. I've thought about owling her... or Alice. Or anyone from the Order, really. But I'm so afraid of what people would think. I'm afraid of what they would say if they ever found what I did, and how I was really just a coward that ran away.

Maybe coming here was a mistake.

I don't know what to do with myself. How did you get used to coming back? It terrifies me to even think to talking to anyone that might have known me, that thinks I was killed by Voldemort. I need to figure out what to do with myself, soon. I don't have much money saved up, so I don't know how much longer I can manage the Leaky. Any suggestions on how to cope with this?

Hi.
I don't really know where to begin.
I can't belie
It's

I can't do this.