Tweak

InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I love you, IJ. :-*"

Username: 
Password:    
Remember Me
  • Create Account
  • IJ Login
  • OpenID Login
Search by : 
  • View
    • Create Account
    • IJ Login
    • OpenID Login
  • Journal
    • Post
    • Edit Entries
    • Customize Journal
    • Comment Settings
    • Recent Comments
    • Manage Tags
  • Account
    • Manage Account
    • Viewing Options
    • Manage Profile
    • Manage Notifications
    • Manage Pictures
    • Manage Schools
    • Account Status
  • Friends
    • Edit Friends
    • Edit Custom Groups
    • Friends Filter
    • Nudge Friends
    • Invite
    • Create RSS Feed
  • Asylums
    • Post
    • Asylum Invitations
    • Manage Asylums
    • Create Asylum
  • Site
    • Support
    • Upgrade Account
    • FAQs
    • Search By Location
    • Search By Interest
    • Search Randomly

_marlymckinnon ([info]_marlymckinnon) wrote,
@ 2016-05-20 11:56:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
hes gone

hes... his things
they're gone
benjy

he cant be
i cant
i want to go home

at least i know itll all be over soon there

(Post a new comment)


[info]mynameisclint
2016-05-23 12:43 am UTC (link)
Sound a little down, Mckinnon.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-23 12:55 am UTC (link)
youre not quite as stupid as you look, warrington

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]ogdens
2016-05-23 12:44 am UTC (link)
Is that really what you'd want?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-23 12:55 am UTC (link)
my entire family is dead
my boyfriend just went back home to die
all my friends are dead

what would you want

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ogdens
2016-05-23 02:39 am UTC (link)
Something more. But a drink to start.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-23 02:41 am UTC (link)
except there ISN'T something more.


enjoy that. i just want to be alone.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]ogdens
2016-05-23 02:42 am UTC (link)
Yeah, maybe not.

Good luck with that.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]inherownright
2016-05-23 02:00 am UTC (link)
He leaves so you want to KILL YOURSELF?

GET A BLOODY GRIP!

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-23 02:13 am UTC (link)
I SAID I WANTED TO GO HOME, ALICE.

AND FUCK YOU. YOU HAVE YOUR GOD DAMN FAMILY HERE.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]inherownright
2016-05-23 02:15 am UTC (link)
YES AND YOU DIE THE MOMENT YOU GET THERE, OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN?

PEOPLE COME BACK. EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-23 02:19 am UTC (link)
NO I HAVEN'T FUCKING FORGOTTEN, THANKS.

AND FUCKING WONDERFUL. BECAUSE IT ONLY TOOK US HALF A YEAR TO FIGURE OUR SHITE OUT HERE. AND WHO KNOWS WHAT VERSION OF BENJY WILL COME BACK?! WHAT IF IT'S BEFORE HE EVEN KNEW ME, ALICE? WHAT THEN? THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY FUCKING BETTER.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]inherownright
2016-05-23 02:25 am UTC (link)
YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN, MARLENE. NOT ANY MAN. I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM, YOU'RE A COMPLETE PERSON WITH OR WITHOUT HIM.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-23 02:28 am UTC (link)
ALRIGHT THEN, ALICE, LET'S SEND FRANK HOME. THEN YOU CAN LET ME KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]inherownright
2016-05-23 02:31 am UTC (link)
I'D RATHER WE DIDN'T, BUT I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T BE DEMANDING TO BE SENT HOME AFTER HIM IF HE WERE, NO MATTER WHICH VERSION OF FRANK CAME BACK - IF HE EVER DID.

YOU'RE STRONGER THAN THIS, MCKINNON. ACT LIKE IT.

You're not alone.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-23 02:35 am UTC (link)
RIGHT. OKAY. SURE. I TOTALLY BELIEVE YOU. WHATEVER, ALICE. YOU'RE SO STRONG AND PERFECT AND FUCK ME FOR HAVING A BREAKDOWN. BECAUSE I SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED MY PAIN. GOT IT. SO SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

LEAVE ME ALONE. WHEN I CAN PRETEND EVERYTHING IS HUNKY DORY SO I DON'T BOTHER AND DISAPPOINT YOU, I'LL BE SURE TO LET YOU KNOW.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Marlene
[info]captainuk
2016-05-23 09:14 pm UTC (link)
He would not have wanted this, Marlene. He fought hard to track down the people responsible for what will come of you if your wish is granted. I highly doubt you would want this from him either were it reversed, yeah?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Frank
[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-24 08:15 pm UTC (link)
You don't know what the fuck I want, Frank.

Wow. Whole lot of good that did him. I'm probably the reason he's dead then back home. Really excellent.


And you don't know what he wanted either since he couldn't even figure it out. So just don't.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Marlene
[info]captainuk
2016-05-25 01:37 am UTC (link)
I know that were it reversed, and you were sent home, that you wouldn't want Benjy to give up his chance here in order to not exist there. You wouldn't want him to die rather than be without you. Love is sacrifice. If that's not true- well, tis a different conversation.

You're not responsible for his fate, love. He was not powerless without you, no more than you are powerless without him. He didn't go about looking for the quickest exit. Benjy didn't have the proper training, but that didn't stop him from fighting and he fighting hard to bring justice to the those who took you from him.

He knew what he wanted. He didn't know how to have it, but he knew it was you.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Frank
[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-25 01:44 am UTC (link)
You just don't get it, do you? This place is a fucking trap. The minute shite falls into place, the minute you start to do this so called healing, you get fucked. What's the fucking point, Frank? Newsflash, there is none. There. Is. None.

So who gives a fuck what anyone wants? IT DOESN'T BLOODY MATTER. You go home and you forget. You stay here and you lose people just like you did back home. There's no difference between losing here, or losing there. Either way, you still end up hurt. Either way, people still die.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Marlene
[info]captainuk
2016-05-25 02:03 am UTC (link)
The point is breathing, Marlene. The point is having a chance to be and do the things that fate will deny you back home. There is a chance that he will come back here; that you will see him again. And therein lies the difference. Tis not possible back home, but it is here. It's happened. There is a chance that your family will arrive as well. A chance that you'll have one of your own.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Frank
[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-25 02:07 am UTC (link)
And if he comes back as a thirteen year old? Or before he even knows me? What then, Frank? I get to live with the person I love without ever being able to be with him? You're dealing in maybes and what ifs, intangible dreams, and I'm not fucking willing to accept that and just move on like everything is fucking hunky dory and that shite is going to be okay. That's not fucking enough, Frank.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Marlene
[info]captainuk
2016-05-25 02:11 am UTC (link)
It's not enough for him to breathe?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Frank
[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-25 02:15 am UTC (link)
Guess we're not all as fucking perfect and selfless as you, golden boy.

Some of us are selfish fuckers who want the second chance they were fucking told they would get.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Marlene
[info]captainuk
2016-05-25 04:59 am UTC (link)
I'm going to do us both a favour and end this here. Benjy deserves better than anything either of us are going to say at this time.

Try to keep your head above water, Marlene. You're not alone in your loss.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Frank
[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-26 03:02 am UTC (link)
Cheers.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]hehasmyeyes
2016-05-23 09:05 am UTC (link)
You can't be serious.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]master_snuffles
2016-05-23 10:58 am UTC (link)
She isn't, I

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]hehasmyeyes
2016-05-23 10:59 am UTC (link)
Stop it.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-24 08:16 pm UTC (link)
What, Lily? What?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]hehasmyeyes
2016-05-25 07:31 am UTC (link)
Why would she send him home??

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-26 03:03 am UTC (link)
BECAUSE SHE'S HORRIBLE, LILY!

HE'S GOING TO DIE AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]hehasmyeyes
2016-05-29 06:22 am UTC (link)
Marlene... It's selfish, but I don't want you to leave too. We need more good people here.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-30 07:45 pm UTC (link)
I'm really not that good of a person, Lils.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Marlene McKinnon
[info]vetuedenoir
2016-05-23 09:07 am UTC (link)
There's a bed in the hospital waiting for you if you need it. And potions.

We're here for you, Marlene. You're not alone. I promise you, we'll give you all the support we can.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Andromeda Tonks
[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-24 08:18 pm UTC (link)
Tell me something. How the fuck does this bitch think we're ever going to heal if the moment we start to figure our shite out she pulls the rug out from under us? Is this just all a sick fucking game? WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Marlene McKinnon
[info]vetuedenoir
2016-05-25 09:17 am UTC (link)
I've been wondering the same things. I know that I'm meant to have all of the answers, but I'm only human. I'm not the one keeping you here. She sent my husband back to die as well, and he'd only just arrived compared to some others. He wasn't given the chances others were to grow and

I know have the answers you want. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that he's gone. I hope that he'll come back as he was.

In the meantime, please don't do anything rash. I know how you feel. How lost and betrayed you feel. How angry. I've felt it myself, more than once. When she took my daughter away to die. When she took Ted. When she took others when I was in the same position as you.

You're not alone. You have friends here and the possibility of seeing Benjy and your family again. You're not alone to feel this grief. Others have been there before you, others are there with you now and others yet will feel it in months to come. This isn't to minimize your pain but to give you hope: it will be resolved. It always is.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Andromeda Tonks
[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-26 03:15 am UTC (link)
But... it's not resolved. It's not, and I don't quite understand how you've convinced yourself of that truth. You're lying to yourself, Andromeda.

She takes us away from sure death, only to send people back to it when she sees fit, and yet somehow wants us to be thankful? To make us experience the pain of loss over and over? There's no promise of anything, only of more pain. There's no permanence. She says we can live here, she says we can have a life, but what happens? We start to have one, and then it's gone in the blink of an eye.

And you're saying to sit back and wait? To hope that he comes back? To wish that my family arrives? That maybe he'll know me or be an age where we're together? But there's still no assurance, no solid ground to stand on.

I know that's not what you want to hear. I'm sorry that I can't just accept what you're saying, I want to, but I can't. I get that it's no easier for you, and you get a shite hand too - that you've been through it. But the fact remains that I don't know if I want to live like this. You say don't do anything rash, well, I don't know how to not be rash. Anger is all I've got anymore. Because I'm so fucking sick of pain.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Marlene McKinnon
[info]vetuedenoir
2016-05-30 12:27 am UTC (link)
Yes, Marlene. that's exactly what I'm saying. I know that the sands keep shifting, but we have to have hope! If we don't have that, we don't have anything.

So be angry. Take it out on the world, but don't take it out on yourself. If you do that, the pain will be all you've ever had. It'll negate hope and take away from what Benjy tried to do. He wanted you to be happy and not only with him. He isn't the sole possible source of happiness for you. While I know that's not what you want to hear and that you might not believe me, the fact remains that it's true. Pain isn't all that's left felt you, Marlene. Don't let the pain win. You're not alone.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Andromeda Tonks
[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-30 07:52 pm UTC (link)
I was never a very hopeful person, sorry.

With all due respect, people here aren't alone because they have their families. Even without your husband, you have your grandson. Your daughter. Sirius has his brother and Remus. Lily has her son and James. Alice has Neville and Frank. The Weasley's have most of their brood. Sons. Daughters. Cousins. Fuck, even the fucking Lestranges have their family.

And what the hell do I have? Friends are great, but they're not family, Andromeda.

Like I said, I know you're trying to help. But I legitimately cannot accept it right now. I can't accept this place. Just.. not now.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Marlene McKinnon
[info]vetuedenoir
2016-06-02 01:35 am UTC (link)
Your family may not be here yet, but that does not mean they will never be here. Isn't the possibilty that you might see them again reason enough to keep fighting?

Very well. Please know that we're here if you need us. And there's a bed for you in the hospital if you have need of it.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]master_snuffles
2016-05-23 09:08 am UTC (link)
Didn't say anything? Just left? That's not like him.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-24 08:19 pm UTC (link)
He didn't just go to the fucking beach, Sirius. SHE SENT HIM HOME.

TO DIE.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]master_snuffles
2016-05-25 07:49 am UTC (link)
[...]

Wow.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]cheatingchaser
2016-05-23 11:06 am UTC (link)
That is really fucking sad.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-24 08:19 pm UTC (link)
Go to hell.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]cheatingchaser
2016-05-25 09:08 am UTC (link)
Already there. Aren't you?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-26 03:04 am UTC (link)
With the company currently? Seems like it now.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

warded to the stranger who he wants to befriend plox
[info]skewed
2016-05-23 05:38 pm UTC (link)
you don't know me and i don't know you but do you want to grab a load of pastries and talk about it? i lost my whole family and know where you are right now

(Reply to this) (Thread)

This person.
[info]_marlymckinnon
2016-05-24 08:20 pm UTC (link)
When your family goes home do they all get murdered?

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Home | Site Map | Manage Account | TOS | Privacy | Support | FAQs