InsaneJournal

mrs. royce (caroyce) wrote,

Those lyrics .. they weren't because you made me feel stuck. Jesus, Penn. It's just. Everything hit me so fast. Everything's been hitting me so fast. I keep feeling like I'm losing control. It's like, in the blink of an eye, the world just started spinning like a maniacal top, and I haven't gotten it to slow down. And .. it's the most terrifying thing in the world. And I knew .. I knew how badly I messed up the day you proposed. The idea of looking in your eyes, of knowing I'd hurt you the way I did, it killed me. And all of this fear just set in, and I've been trying to figure out how to break free from that fear.

Christ, we should be saying this in person, but I can't even do that, because I'm terrified. I'm terrified I hurt you too much, I'm afraid I'll do it again. I'm afraid that I'm going to keep screwing up, and lose you, and .. THAT is what that song meant to me. I wish I could be the girl who wasn't afraid of love, the girl who could just run free with it and .. didn't you read the whole lyrics set? It wasn't about being stuck by you. I just .. keep letting my fear get the better of me, and I hate that. But I love you. I love you, and I want to be the girl who doesn't run away, but .. God knows I screwed up, and it serves me right if you do. I just wish you didn't feel like you shouldn't have asked.