Funny quotes that I find funny.
"I like my sex like I like your dad - with your mom"
"you couldnt please a woman if you were a chocolate vibrator"
"Curiosity killed the cat, but loathsome rituals BROUGHT IT BACK."
"Getting PAID to play a GAME? Are you fucking kidding me? You give me 500,000 dollars a year, I will lay naked on the pitchers mound and allow boiled potatoes to be fired into my asshole with a pitching machine."
"I think it's hilarious how you guys went to a soup kitchen and expected to find it full of happy dancing hobos playing harmonicas. What the fuck? These people are miserable, utterly and completely. They have no hope, no future, and you expect them to act like saints?"
"World of Warcraft is like taking a shit on the floor in a gas station bathroom. Yeah, it's disgusting but that floor was already fucked up when you got there."
"chuck norris once spawned a bunch of terrible jokes in such a bad ass way that a bunch of mouth breathing retards thought they were funny!!!"
"If someone says they'll give you a beer if you suck their dick, and you suck their dick, YOU DIDN'T REALLY WANT THE BEER."
"If I saw a midget town and midget children were harmlessly hucking rocks at me with their awful 2-chamber peanut fingers, I'd Godzilla that motherfucker to the ground."
Already distraught over the death of my father, I was shocked to learn that my uncle, The Ultimate Hustler, has ascended to the crown by marrying my widowed mother. When I tried to confront him, he said "yo kid, I may have put poison in your daddy's ear but that ain't half as bad as the poison he shot up in ya mom and made a lil buster like you pop out," and I swore my revenge but he just laughed and said "nigga please, you put the 'mark' in 'Denmark,'" and I was like "alas."
WHERE ARE YOUR FUNNY QUOTES?
"you couldnt please a woman if you were a chocolate vibrator"
"Curiosity killed the cat, but loathsome rituals BROUGHT IT BACK."
"Getting PAID to play a GAME? Are you fucking kidding me? You give me 500,000 dollars a year, I will lay naked on the pitchers mound and allow boiled potatoes to be fired into my asshole with a pitching machine."
"I think it's hilarious how you guys went to a soup kitchen and expected to find it full of happy dancing hobos playing harmonicas. What the fuck? These people are miserable, utterly and completely. They have no hope, no future, and you expect them to act like saints?"
"World of Warcraft is like taking a shit on the floor in a gas station bathroom. Yeah, it's disgusting but that floor was already fucked up when you got there."
"chuck norris once spawned a bunch of terrible jokes in such a bad ass way that a bunch of mouth breathing retards thought they were funny!!!"
"If someone says they'll give you a beer if you suck their dick, and you suck their dick, YOU DIDN'T REALLY WANT THE BEER."
"If I saw a midget town and midget children were harmlessly hucking rocks at me with their awful 2-chamber peanut fingers, I'd Godzilla that motherfucker to the ground."
Already distraught over the death of my father, I was shocked to learn that my uncle, The Ultimate Hustler, has ascended to the crown by marrying my widowed mother. When I tried to confront him, he said "yo kid, I may have put poison in your daddy's ear but that ain't half as bad as the poison he shot up in ya mom and made a lil buster like you pop out," and I swore my revenge but he just laughed and said "nigga please, you put the 'mark' in 'Denmark,'" and I was like "alas."
WHERE ARE YOUR FUNNY QUOTES?