Entry tags:

drabble story, lupin, nc-17, slash, snape

Drabble Story: ~I'm Not Gay~ NC-17
A/N – Several months ago, I wrote a story in drabble form for LJ Community lupin100. At the end of the week, I was encouraged by a few demented individuals to continue. For five weeks, I could write with-in the prompts, then... I couldn't. The completed story turned out to contain more than thirty drabbles.

Note: These drabbles are snapshots of a story. There may be minutes, days, or weeks, between each one.

almost_clara did an fabulous illustration of the "chat" Lupin had with Draco. You can view it here.

Summary: The war is over. Snape is running – a wanted man, and Lupin decides it's time to go after what he's always wanted. There are problems, however.

Thanks to snegurochka_lee for beta help.

~I'm Not Gay~

Part 1: Written for the prompt "Genfic"

~~

“Professor Lupin?”

“It’s been a long time since I was anyone’s professor, Neville.” He rose to greet the man.

Neville set a sack with the Gringotts’ emblem on the table. “This is half the prize.”

“A new species of Mimbulus, wasn’t it? Why?”

The man still had the boy’s smile. “You helped me face my boggart. I’d have never amounted to anything if you hadn’t.”

**

Lupin picked up the bag of gold. “Your boggart,” he whispered to the empty room. In what corner of the world had Neville’s boggart hidden? Now, perhaps, he had the means to find out.

_________________________


Remus yanked the strap tight on his rucksack and hefted it to test the weight. The news of the latest sighting was only two days old. Maybe this time, with luck, he'd find him.

What he was going to do, or say, when he found him, he had no idea. He only knew that for too long, he had run from what he wanted. He had taken the easy path, the acceptable path. No more.

Now they were both running, and he wanted to catch up.

He threw his jacket aside. It was hot in Adelaide; he wouldn't need it.

___________________________


What was a man who had lived years in a dungeon doing here? Wiping the sweat from his eyes with his sleeve, Lupin looked up at the towering rocks of the Acropolis. Well, at least he probably wasn’t up there.

Lupin crossed the Agora, stamped the centuries-old dust from his boots and slipped into the narrow streets of the Plaka. A table beckoned, and he gratefully accepted the rest and the Ouzo. The burn of the liquor caused an involuntary shiver, cooling him.

He’d been around the world twice: the money was almost gone. Perhaps it was time to quit?

___________________________


A man wearing ragged jeans and a stained t-shirt slipped into the empty chair across the table. Lupin looked up, meeting glittering black eyes in a tanned face. Long black hair was tied back in a loose ponytail. Lupin blinked. The black eyes didn’t.

“Why are you stalking me? You’ve spent more than the reward is worth. Is it revenge? You want to turn me in?”

“I don’t want to turn you in, I want to turn you inside-out.” The words came out without benefit of thought.

The black eyes narrowed and Lupin was certain he was going to die.

__________________________


They stood in the deep shade of the Agora.

“Why do you want me?”

“I don’t know – I always have.”

“Are you gay?”

“You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted, so if that means I’m gay, then I guess I am.”

“What about Black?”

“He wasn’t gay...”

“Neither am I.”

“... and I didn’t want him. I wanted you. I still want you.”

Snape turned away, then looked back over his shoulder. “Go home, Lupin.” With long strides he disappeared around a towering oleander.

Lupin sank down on a 2500 year old piece of carving and buried his face in his hands.

_______________________


Part 2: Written for the prompt "War and Peace"

~~

Lupin was still sitting on the 2500 year old broken marble carving, trying to come up with a reason to move, when a hex rocketed over his shoulder from behind, narrowly missing him and exploding in the dust. His war-trained reflexes rolled him off the stone and launched him over a low wall into an excavation.

What the hell? That won’t be Snape – he has no reason to hex me now. Someone following me, looking for Snape? Wanting me out of the way now that I’ve found him?

“Hey! The war is over, you know,” Lupin yelled into the silence.

_____________________________


”Lupin.”

Lupin struggled back to consciousness. He was in a shabby room and Snape was glaring at him.

“Is someone trying to kill you?”

“Not that I know of.” Lupin frowned, sitting up and rubbing his head.

Snape sneered. “As I thought; he’s after me. Have you even tried to hide your tracks?”

Lupin’s blush was the answer.

“But how did I...? What are you...?”

Snape picked up a satchel and his wand. “The war may be over for you, but I still have a price on my head.”

With a crack he was gone, leaving Lupin alone to think.

_______________________________


He’d been a spy in the war, and a good one. He knew how to flush out a stalker, how to circle back and become the stalker himself.

He’d kept notes the months he’d followed Snape. There was no pattern to Snape’s movements, he was too good for that, but there was an inclination to his destinations. Lupin knew the kind of places Snape was likely to go, and the kind he was not.

Lupin packed, carefully coded his notes, and headed for one of the latter, making no effort to hide his movements. But this time, Lupin was watching.

_______________________________


Just like the war, Lupin planned carefully, eked as much value from his dwindling funds as he could, and after weeks of hop-scotching around the globe, the time had come. He turned down the dark alley in the dodgy part of Singapore, knowing, without looking, that his quarry followed.

He was about to duck into a doorway when he heard a familiar deep voice.

“Stop. Right. There.”

He turned, and just inside the entrance of the alley stood Snape, his wand leveled at the chest of the man who had been following Lupin for weeks.

“Well, well,” Snape purred. "Malfoy."

________________________________


The hooded figure raised his wand, but with a flick of Snape's wrist, it flew from his hand. Snape approached the man and yanked back his hood.

"Draco." Lupin's gasp went unheeded.

"Why?"

"You need to ask?" This hiss was filled with venom. "You ruined my father."

"Your father ruined himself. A destiny you seem determined to follow."

"You're a wanted man; I'm assisting the law."

"You're being an idiot," Snape snapped at him. "Just like your father."

"Draco...." Lupin approached, but both men rounded on him.

"Stay out of this!"

Lupin scowled. Didn't they know this was his story?

_________________________________

Part 3: Written for the prompt "Temptation"

~~

"Did you once think about the propaganda your father spouted? Ever once notice the holes in the logic?"

"What does that have to do with bringing a murderer to justice?"

Snape snorted as he passed Draco's wand to Lupin. "And a fine job you're doing."

Draco's face twisted with hate. "Half-blood filth...."

Lupin could barely contain the temptation to lunge for Draco's throat, but Snape got there first, his hand closing around Draco's neck as he drove Draco back against the wall.

"You're being awfully rude to a man convicted of cold-blooded murder, aren't you? A man holding your wand?"

_____________________________


"What are you going to do with him?"

Snape backed away from Draco, but kept his wand pointed at him. "I don't know. A memory charm, perhaps?"

Lupin shrugged. "Tempting, but unless you take a lot, he'll just reconceive the idea to look for you again, no?"

"True." Snape folded his arms. "Perhaps I should just make him an idiot – not that he isn't already, but really finish the job."

"No, please...." Draco looked frightened.

"What, then?" Snape scowled. "I will not have you trotting after me forever, nor following my friends on the off-chance they lead you to me."

_______________________________


Lupin's head snapped up at Snape's words.

"Professor Lupin," Draco choked. "Don't let him hurt me; he murdered your friend!"

"Did he?" Lupin raised an eyebrow.

"Begging the werewolf for help?" Snape sneered. "Saying you weren't going to kill him? 'Regrettable, but necessary during the apprehension of the killer,' you'd no doubt tell the Wizengamot."

Draco looked uncertain. "I... I wasn't going to kill him."

Lupin stalked forward. "Sniveling whelp. Do you have any idea how you've temped the wolf with your stupid attack?"

Draco's eyes grew to the size of saucers. "P... Professor Snape?"

The older men laughed.

"Pathetic."

________________________________


Snape retreated when Lupin lunged at Draco, grabbing the scruff of Draco's cloak and shaking him like a rat. Throwing him against the wall, Lupin snarled in his face.

"If you ever come near either of us again, I will give in to temptation, stalking you under the moon and ripping your throat out, spilling your blue blood over your lily-white skin. Then..." He gave Draco another shake. "I will sniff out your mother and do the same to her." He squinted menacingly. "Clear?"

Draco gulped and nodded. Lupin released him slowly, handed him his wand, and stepped back. "Go."

_________________________________


Snape watched Draco run. "You think that wise?"

"Letting him go?"

"And threatening him with the wolf."

Lupin sighed. "Neither of us was going to kill him."

"Not what it sounded like."

"You believed me?"

"Don't be stupid."

...

"You called me friend."

Snape looked away. "Expediency."

"I see. Why are you here?"

"He was after me. Did you imagine I didn't want to know who it was?"

"Of course." Lupin stared at the ground, keenly aware that Snape was about to walk out of his life again, and helpless to stop him. "You'll be leaving then?"

Snape studied him. "Yes."

_________________________________


Part 4: Written for the prompt "Ask Me"

~~

"Is there a way I could contact you? If I had to?"

Snape snorted. "Why do you ask? What possible reason could you have for needing to contact me?"

Lupin shrugged and looked down.

Snape hesitated, then reeled off a list of six cities, scattered all over the globe. "You can send a message, general delivery, to all of these, and I will pick up one of them in four to six months."

"Four to six... ?"

Snape raised an eyebrow, and Lupin quieted.

"And... and after that?"

"We'll see."

"If you need anything...."

Snape moved away down the alley.

________________________________


The deadline was approaching and Lupin could think of no reason to contact Snape - other than he wanted to. He had written several notes, each more disgusting than the other, which lay crumpled on the floor around his chair. To not write seemed unconscionable, though he was certain it only mattered to himself.

In the background the radio played: "If there's something you'd like to try, ask me, I won't say no."

Lupin snorted. Snape had already said no; why was he trying?

Finally, he settled for a few lines, expressing none of his feelings, and wishing Snape well.

________________________________


Three months passed and Lupin had finally stopped looking for a response when a large, grumpy-looking owl landed on his plate of toast at breakfast. With trembling hands, he untied the note attached to the owl's leg, fed him a crust, and unrolled the parchment.

2-3 months, in places of opposite degree.
I am well.

Lupin closed his eyes as relief was promptly replaced by irritation.

In places of opposite degree. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Lupin sighed. He had two months to figure it out, and to figure out how to ask for what he wanted.

________________________________


Lupin searched the skies every day. It was four months since he had sent the triumphant news. Had he figured the puzzle correctly? Had Snape received the news of his pardon? Did he know he was no longer a hunted man?

Lupin himself had moved. Even with the lifting of most of the Ministry restrictions against werewolves, he no longer felt at home in Britain. He now lived on a hillside in southern New Zealand in a modest home purchased with the funds from his long-denied war pension.

Would an owl find him? Would Snape find him?

He had asked.

________________________________


Lupin squinted into the sun and felt his heart-rate double. That long-legged, graceful walk could only belong to one person, and despite the fact that he now wore his hair shorter, and faded denim had replaced black wool, Lupin knew at once who walked up his garden path. He waited with dry mouth until Snape was standing before him on the veranda.

Wordlessly, he handed Snape the Official Ministry Pardon that Harry had sent to him, having despaired of finding Snape himself.

Snape unrolled it, reading without comment.

"Well." Snape cleared his throat. "Are you going to offer me tea?"

_________________________________


Part 5: Written for the prompt "Revenge"

~~

"Where will you go?"

They sat in the shade, looking over the countryside from their perch high on the side of the hill.

Snape shrugged. "Not back to Britain." He sighed. "I used to think I wanted revenge, now I think I just want peace."

A bird called in the distance.

"You could stay here... until you decide what you want to do."

Snape swirled the liquid in his mug.

"I'm not gay."

Lupin sipped his cooling tea. "I don't believe that's a requirement for living in New Zealand."

Snape carefully chewed and swallowed a biscuit.

"Maybe for a while."

_________________________________


"Have you ever wanted revenge?"

"Wanted it? I burned for it, for years. Almost killed for it that night in the Shrieking Shack. Thank god, Harry was there to stop me."

"No more?"

Lupin sighed. "No. When the war ended, and too much was lost... too many were lost...." He shrugged. "It just didn't seem to matter any more."

They watched the lights wink on in the small town below.

"You?"

Snape gave a mirthless laugh. "For years, it was all that kept me alive."

"And now?"

"Now?" Snape shook his head. "Now I'm just tired. So very, very tired."

_________________________________


"Lupin."

"Mm?"

"I don't mean to pry..." Snape shifted uncomfortably.

"You're concerned about the moon?"

"Yes."

Lupin shrugged. "No fear. The ministry supplies Wolfsbane here. They also require all werewolves come and take it in front of an official. I've been Apparating in after work."

Snape tried not to look relieved and failed. "I thought of trying to brew some, but the ingredients...."

Lupin silenced him with a raised hand. "It's all right, Severus." He gave Snape a wan smile. "I appreciate your concern, though."

Snape nodded and tried not to look as though he'd been thinking only of himself.

_______________________


Lupin worked part time in a village shop, and Snape had taken over several of the household chores. He also tended the small garden Lupin had started, and the vegetables were flourishing.

"Did you enchant these?" Lupin inspected an enormous, flawless tomato.

There was a flash of a small smile. "Just good gardening technique. Food, water, and care."

Lupin had become very fond of that hint of a smile, and found himself trying to cause it. "Like people."

Snape scowled; Lupin sighed. They continued gathering tomatoes, cucumbers, aubergines, and marrows in silence, then walked to the house to prepare dinner.

________________________


Two weeks later, Snape entered the room where Lupin was reading.

"I should leave."

"Why?"

Snape stiffened. "I feel I'm here under false pretenses."

"Because you're..."

"...not gay." They finished the sentence in unison, and Snape nodded.

Lupin sighed. "Severus, I like having someone to help with the chores, I like having someone intelligent to talk with, I like having someone to play chess with. In short; I enjoy your company. There is no need for you to leave unless you wish."

Snape hunched his shoulders and scowled. After a moment, he gave a curt nod and left the room.

___________________________


Five weeks later in the chill of pre-dawn, Lupin was sitting on the porch swing reading by lamplight when Snape handed him a cup of tea, then turned and sat next to him. Lupin felt his breath hitch, but remained outwardly calm.

"Rather chilly to be out here, isn't it?" Snape stared into his mug.

Lupin stretched, his thigh brushing Snape's. Snape did not withdraw and Lupin tried to slow his heart rate. "I couldn't sleep."

"Neither could I."

Lupin snuffed the light and they watched the sun rise, their legs warm where they touched.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Snape nodded.

______________________________


Ten days later Lupin approached Snape as he worked over the cutting board preparing dinner. He rested a hand lightly on Snape's shoulder for a second before letting it trail down the tense back. Snape finished the tomato he was dicing, then moved to scrape the precisely cut pieces into the stock pot simmering on the back of the stove. Returning to his original spot at the counter, his arm brushed Lupin's as he reached for a half dozen mushrooms. His hand trembled slightly as he wielded the knife, cutting the plump fungi into even slices.

"Smells good."

Snape nodded.

______________________________


Another week had gone by before Lupin once again rested his hand lightly on Snape's shoulder. This time, Snape turned slowly toward him, his eyes focused somewhere in the middle of Lupin's chest. Lupin stroked his upper arms gently and when Snape didn't pull away, he leaned in to softly nuzzle Snape's neck.

Snape tilted his head away, giving Lupin better access, but when Lupin's lips traveled to Snape's jaw, he tensed and Lupin stopped.

"It's all right," Lupin whispered, smoothing the black hair back from the troubled face.

"I'm not gay." Snape's reply was soft as he turned away.

_______________________________


Snape was at the sink when Lupin slipped his arms around him. He leaned back, dropping his head to Lupin's shoulder, relaxing as Lupin stroked his chest. When Lupin's hands slid lower, undoing Snape's jeans, he murmured a protest and straightened.

Lupin turned him gently, pushing him back against the wall, kissing his neck while his hands made sort work of the fastenings.

"Lupin, I'm not..."

"Shhhh. I know. Just relax."

Lupin dropped to one knee, a quick jerk removed Snape's clothes, and Snape's hands were in Lupin's hair, tugging.

"Lupin." Lupin's mouth closed over Snape's stiffening member. "Gods, Lupin!"

________________________________


They were preparing for bed, Snape in his room, Lupin just leaving the loo. He was passing Snape's door when Snape walked out, colliding with him. They reached to steady themselves, warm hands on bare skin. Snape rested his forehead against Lupin's shoulder; Lupin wrapped his arms around Snape, rocking him gently.

Snape yanked Lupin into his room, stripping off his towel and shoving him onto the bed. He dropped his own towel and fell on Lupin's back. Without preparation or preamble, Snape thrust inside Lupin, pounding him savagely until he came.

The room was silent but for their breathing.

_________________________________


"I'm sorry." Snape's voice was rough.

"I must say, I don't usually tolerate that kind of behavior." Lupin's voice was hard.

"I'm not gay."

Lupin snorted. "So what was this about? Just wanted to see if you'd like it?"

"No! I...." Snape closed his eyes. "Did I hurt you?"

"Yes and no. I've had worse." Lupin stood up, reaching for his towel. "Generally I prefer a bit more foreplay."

Snape flushed.

Lupin stood in the doorway and delivered a scowl worthy of Snape's best classroom days. "I trust this isn't going to happen again?"

Snape shook his head and rolled away.

_________________________________


The atmosphere was definitely cooler between them. Gone were the easy conversation, the occasional brush of a hand while working in the kitchen. Lupin wasn't hostile, just cool, and Snape was subdued.

"Remus?" Snape stood in the doorway to Lupin's room as Lupin was preparing to retire.

"Yes?" He glanced at Snape then looked away, but his voice was gentle.

Snape approached cautiously. "I'm sorry."

"You've said that."

"I've hurt you." His voice was stiff.

"The responsibility for what happened is not entirely yours."

"Yes it is." Snape started to turn. "I'll go."

Lupin gripped his arm. "Not like this."

__________________________________


They went to the living-room. Lupin sat while Snape paced.

"When your letter came about the pardon, my world shattered. For the first time in my life, I had no cause, nothing to fight against. I'd been around the world a dozen times and was suddenly lost." He hung his head. "I came here because I had nowhere else to go."

"Fair enough. So why are you leaving? Have you discovered some purpose in life... or are you running away?"

Snape whirled, his expression angry. For a moment the room was still, then Snape took a deep breath. "I'm afraid."

___________________________________


Snape sat on the couch staring at the floor, his clenched hands gripped between his knees. "I like it here. This is the first place to feel like home since I was a child."

"Then stay."

Snape turned his face to the dark window. "I'm not supposed to want you." His voice was tight. "I've never wanted a man before. I'm not supposed to want a man. I'm not...." He broke off, his stricken eyes on Lupin's face.

"Does the label matter that much to you?"

"It's not that."

Outside, it started to rain.

"You need to understand."

Snape nodded.

_____________________________________


Lupin moved closer to Snape on the couch. "Can you just trust, let the understanding come later?"

Snape folded his arms around himself, rocking gently back and forth.

"Severus," Lupin whispered, wrapping his arms around the distressed man. "Severus, it's all right."

Snape bolted to his feet. "I'm sorry."

A flash of lightening brightened the room.

"For what now?"

"Being an idiot."

Lupin came behind him and slid his arms around Snape's waist. "Would you like me to teach you how to make love to a man?"

Snape trembled as he turned in Lupin's arms. "I think I'd like that."

______________________________________


~end~