InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Party time. Excellent."

MP is tired of your summer jokes (_summerby) wrote,
@ 2013-05-16 21:20:00

(Private: Mark Summerby)
I've been dreaming about her for two weeks now. Two weeks ever since McGonngall had to get up during dinner and remind us all of everyone who died a year ago. Of Megan. As if it wasn't difficult enough to get her out of my head before. I had been doing so well. I hadn't really thought about her in a while, but now it feels as if she's died all over again. And I'm there, standing outside like an idiot because I can't see a dead body without losing it.

I don't know why this is affecting me this way. I keep telling myself that we weren't dating when she died, that what happened between us had been forgotten, a thing of the past, a bad memory, that it wasn't that big of a deal. So why does it feel like such a big deal now? I'm not going crazy. I know it's her in my dreams. It's always been her. She's always the same, dressed in white and pale. What does that mean? I've never put much stock into dreams, but this is starting to get ridiculous.

Is it just me or is it incredibly difficult to concentrate on studying around here lately?

(Post a new comment)

	tyrians 2013-05-17 02:45 am UTC (link)
	You and me both, mate. What's distracting you? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	_summerby 2013-05-17 03:34 am UTC (link)
	I'm not sleeping well. Not for a good two weeks now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tyrians 2013-05-17 03:53 am UTC (link)
	Whoa, really? What's wrong? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Tyler _summerby 2013-05-17 04:06 am UTC (link)
	It's Megan. I'm dreaming about her almost every night. It's unsettling. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark tyrians 2013-05-17 04:25 am UTC (link)
	I'm sorry, mate. Do you want to talk about it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Tyler _summerby 2013-05-17 04:34 am UTC (link)
	I'm not really sure what to say. My dead, ex-girlfriend is haunting me in my sleep at the precise time when I should normally be studying my face off for NEWTs. Poetic justice? Not to mention that whenever I remember she's dead, my stomach somersaults and ends up somewhere in my throat. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark tyrians 2013-05-17 04:41 am UTC (link)
	It might be just stress. The anniversary had just passed and NEWTs are coming up, so.. you know, it's just a lot of events coinciding at the same time. It's understandable. Megs was a great person. We weren't so close, but she was still a friend. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Tyler _summerby 2013-05-17 04:49 am UTC (link)
	I really hope this is all just in my head and stress-related. Megs. She didn't deserve the way I treated her, and I feel like I'm paying for it now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark tyrians 2013-05-17 05:08 am UTC (link)
	I wish I knew what to say to that. You're good bloke, you know. Just.. we all make mistakes we regret in the long run. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Tyler _summerby 2013-05-17 06:47 pm UTC (link)
	You're telling me. And then... I might be... talking to someone. Sam Fawcett. It's not much right now, but I've been spending some time with her. She's a good girl. I don't want to screw this up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark tyrians 2013-05-19 03:26 am UTC (link)
	Talking and spending time with her is good. You might just need a distraction, but I would hope she wouldn't remain to just being a distraction. You might want to take things slow though, just in case? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Tyler _summerby 2013-05-19 04:43 am UTC (link)
	I'll do my best. Thanks, bro. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	stephenc 2013-05-17 03:00 am UTC (link)
	Not just you. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	_summerby 2013-05-17 03:34 am UTC (link)
	I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or not. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	ex_abbott431 2013-05-17 03:51 am UTC (link)
	It's definitely not just you. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	_summerby 2013-05-17 04:04 am UTC (link)
	Sorry to hear that, love. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark ex_abbott431 2013-05-17 04:18 am UTC (link)
	Ernie and I were joking about running away to Hawaii. I'm starting to think it's a brilliant idea. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hannah _summerby 2013-05-17 04:25 am UTC (link)
	I hear there's good weather there all year long. Just watch out for the volcanoes and all that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark ex_abbott431 2013-05-17 04:36 am UTC (link)
	If there's a volcano, I can just apparate away. Barely sweating it, you know? Maybe a bunch of us can defect. Have a giant party or something. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hannah _summerby 2013-05-17 04:39 am UTC (link)
	That's my girl. I'm so on edge right now that I can't even entertain the idea of a party until NEWTs are over. Logically, it sounds amazing, but I won't be able to feel just how amazing it really is until I finish that last bloody exam. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark ex_abbott431 2013-05-17 04:43 am UTC (link)
	It's just an exam, you know. What's going on with you? We won the cup, life is good if not depressing, and we're on our way out. What more could we have to worry about? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hannah _summerby 2013-05-17 04:47 am UTC (link)
	You know how I get about exams. It's important to me, and I have to study, if only I could focus. I haven't been sleeping. I keep dreaming about Megan. It's driving me a little mad honestly. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark ex_abbott431 2013-05-17 04:50 am UTC (link)
	Every time I go into our room, I see her bed with it's untouched sheets and the open curtains. It kills me, and I can't imagine what it's like having that in your dreams, too. Have you talked to Madame Pomfrey about it, by chance? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hannah _summerby 2013-05-17 04:56 am UTC (link)
	It's more than just her. It's the guilt, Hannah, my guilt. That's the worst part. I thought about it, but I figured they would go away after a few days. I may have to pay her a visit if only to get a few hours in at night. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mark

ex_abbott431
2013-05-19 12:51 am UTC (link)

You don't have to feel guilty. I know that you want to, but I think that you need to hear this. Please don't be angry. Please.

Megan could have died any day. I could, you could, Wayne could. We never know when we're going to go out. What I do know is that if she saw you like this, she'd be more angry at how you're slipping up and stressing out. We were children, love. Sometimes things happen. You didn't cause any of this, outside of your relationship. I think it's time to accept that and forgive yourself.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Hannah

_summerby
2013-05-19 01:16 am UTC (link)

Do you know what was the last thing I ever said to her? Go to hell. It was after some fight, the last one, I guess. I can't remember having any other conversation with her after that. I don't know what would possess me to tell someone to go to hell, especially her.

I try to forgive myself for what I did to her. I do try, but now that she's gone, I'll never know if she would have forgiven me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark ex_abbott431 2013-05-19 01:21 am UTC (link)
	I know she would have. Megan was my best friend. I think she and I may have been closer than Susan and I, and after years of sleeping in the same room with someone and them not killing you for snoring like a train, I'm positive that when she looks down on all of us, she's got nothing but love. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hannah _summerby 2013-05-19 01:25 am UTC (link)
	I hope you're right. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark ex_abbott431 2013-05-19 01:25 am UTC (link)
	Generally, I am. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Hannah _summerby 2013-05-19 01:28 am UTC (link)
	I know you are. Thanks, love. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Mark hufflebadger 2013-05-17 06:35 pm UTC (link)
	No, definitely not just you. I think we're all a bit stuck in our heads, Mark. Myself included, but if you need someone, let me know, mate. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Ernie _summerby 2013-05-17 06:49 pm UTC (link)
	You would think they would just give us all passing scores for our trouble and be done with it. But thanks, bro. I appreciate that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark hufflebadger 2013-05-17 06:56 pm UTC (link)
	~~It's not your fault. Remember that.~~ You know, I agree with that, actually. Though I don't think our Headmistress did us any favors. Not that I think she did things intentionally, either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Ernie _summerby 2013-05-17 07:13 pm UTC (link)
	It was a nice gesture on her part, but I think she severely underestimated how it would affect us. I think we might have too. It's been a year, and it still doesn't feel any better. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark hufflebadger 2013-05-17 07:34 pm UTC (link)
	I agree, I don't think she realized the hornet's nest she stirred up with it. It may have been kinder to cut us open and pour brimstone on the wounds. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Ernie _summerby 2013-05-17 07:50 pm UTC (link)
	I'd likely take that over seeing Megan in my dreams every night. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Mark hufflebadger 2013-05-17 08:49 pm UTC (link)
	~~I'm sorry.~~ I'm sorry. For not keeping a better eye on her. And I'm sorry that you have to dream about her every night. I dream about them too. About all of it. And it hurts, just like when it happened. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Ernie _summerby 2013-05-18 01:55 am UTC (link)
	It isn't your fault, Ernie. You couldn't have been everywhere at once. And it isn't your fault that I dream about her. That's my own damn fault for treating her badly when we dated. That's my guilt eating me up from the inside out. But I am sorry that it still hurts you that much. We shouldn't have had to go through what we did. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Mark

hufflebadger
2013-05-18 02:13 am UTC (link)

We're kids, we're not supposed to deal with all of this. You shouldn't feel guilty though. I know that sounds pointless, because you'll feel guilty just like I do for other reasons, but I don't think she'd want any of us to feel guilty. Not really. We just have to, you know, stick together or something. I don't know, they never really told us what to do after everything happened. I'm making this stuff up as I go along.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Ernie _summerby 2013-05-19 01:24 am UTC (link)
	Sticking together sounds like a good plan though. (Reply to this) (Parent)