| Now that we're done, I'm so sorry. Why did I lie? I'm so sorry. I know I hurt you |
[Apr. 24th, 2009|03:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | foolish | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Metro Station- Now that were done | ] |
I'll update about how big of an idiot I am. Warning: After you read this, you may want to slap me silly.
Okay so Eric asked me to hangout on Saturday and I said yes. Why? Because I'm stupid. Then we hung out and we did everything but sex. Why? Because I'm stupid. He told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him too. Why?-you get the point. So after the night was over he said "I'll text you later on." Did he? Of course not. So I decided to text him on Sunday and guess what!? He didn't reply! That moment, I realized I just got played. I, Marissa, just got used by an asshole. What happened to not talking to him? I don't know. You see, when Eric told me that he had sex with Lilly and that he hasn't talked to her since thats when something should of clicked in my head like "wait, he could do this to me." But, I'm stupid. Anyway, so I had track practice yesterday and I look over into the distance and see two boys running towards where everyone on the track team is. I turn to a seventh grader and say, "Who is that?" & she's like "It must be someone on our team just running." "Hmm..thats funny..Eric has that same sweatshirt...and those pants...and...that is Eric." ERIC CAME TO MY TRACK PRACTICE. WHY!!!!!!????!!!! BECAUSE...god hates me. I honestly think god was probably hysterically laughing while all this happened hahahhahahaha I'm laughing right now picturing that. BUT, this isn't a funny matter. So back to my story, so he comes over towards me. Of course I'm mad so I put up my hood and turn the other way. A few seconds pass and Eric is like "PSTT. PSSTTT. PSSTT." (trying to get my attention) After several "PSTS" I look at him and give him the most disgusted face ever. Then Mrs. Mousaw pulled him over to where she was before I could even flip out on him. Later on (he only came the last 10 minutes of my track practice) he made his away over towards me but Connor pulled him away. That night, Eric still didn't text me. He has some fucking nerve. So, I text him and say "Thanks for using me." Did he reply? I think you know the answer.
For some reason I don't believe I can do better than Eric or that I do deserve better, I think that's why it's been so hard. But now, we're officially over. I know I've said that numerous times but he hasn't done anything like this before, so we're done. It sucks I had to learn the hard way but atleast I learned my lesson. I don't have any idea why he came to my practice. I'm sure he'd know I'd be there..but god only knows why he'd come. Eric is someone that took complete advantage of me and he'll never be sorry. Ever. Honestly the urge that I have to flip out on him is so hard to control. I want to go to his house and punch him in the face. How could anyone do this to me? Like, it's not just fucked up, it's low. It's sad because Eric didn't know how good he had it. I probably liked him more than anyone ever has, or will. I deleted his phone number from my phone. I wish I could just delete him from my life.
Don't pity me because I deserved this. Don't tell me I'm stupid because believe me, I know. |
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| He doesn't look a thing like Jesus but he talks like a gentleman. |
[Apr. 24th, 2009|11:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Killers- When you were young | ] |
I want to sleep forever. I can not stop thinking about Eric and I can't take it anymore. I just want to die.
:( |
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