| If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of this state. |
[May. 16th, 2010|12:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | shitty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Killers-When you were young | ] |
I'm in such a bad mood. I just want to cry and hide under my covers, so bad. Omg blahhhhhhh. Just everything. Everything is just bad right now. Or maybe its not that bad..but people are so annoying. Caroline has a thing with Jimmy and she just fucking continues to talk about him to me...he likes her..and they've hung out a lot and all they've done is made out. & that makes me feel like complete shit. I did basically everything with him the second time we hung out, Ha. I feel so..low. I feel like shit. I feel like scum, gross. She just tells me all this great stuff that he says to her and how much he likes her...and I just wish she'd shut the fuck up. She doesn't know what we did but still. Like leave me alone. I just want to be left alone. I gave Chloe her birthday gift and I don't even think she liked it and I was with her and Carson tonight and I just felt like the third wheel..and I usually don't when I'm with them but today I did and it was just sooo weird and I hated every minute of it. Caroline's ex, Mikey, likes me and he talks to me and I think I'm leading him on and I'm so stupid :( Omg. I don't think I like him and I just want the whole world to stop...Joey has texted Chloe 3 times..saying Yo. Obviously he isn't as in love with Tanya as everyone thinks. He probably is interested in Chloe. & does that hurt? A little, because he's not texting me. Eric basically tried his hardest to fuck me...I really dislike him. He wants to take advantage of me so bad. Everyone just wants to do stuff with me..no one wants to get to know me. Thats really..sad and makes me feel useless. It makes me feel even worse that I usually give in..and let them get what they want. I always flashback to Joey on my couch begging me to give him head. Begging so bad. And I didn't do that, but I still tried to give him a handjob :'( and then he never talked to me again. I'm crying. I just have made so many mistakes and before I used to just brush it all off but now its just getting hard. Its almost as if their all crashing down on me now..all the regrets. I used to love myself, now I hate myself. I don't like the way I look, I don't like the choices I've made. |
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