[Filtered to Will Stutely]If you wanted to go see Tuck
, then you should. I won't be there.
I've been trying to think of what to say to you.
I've been trying to think of what I could possibly
say to you that would even somewhat repair the damage that I've done. And even with all my time and all my thinking I haven't thought of a thing, because I don't think there's an answer. I don't think there are any magic words to take back the way that I hurt you. I have never
ever wanted to hurt you, but I spoke without thinking. The only rash and thoughtless one here is me.
I should have showed you enough respect to say 'congratulations' and keep all of my doubts to myself. You deserved that. You deserved a hell of a lot more than I gave you. There was a reason that I was the only one in that post the others were yelling at and that's because I was the one that was in the wrong, and all our friends knew it.
I hope that you're angry and me and not at yourself. I hope you've been sitting there saying 'that Marian's a right fucking cow who needs to shut her trap' and not, I don't know, taking apart every word I said and turning it inward. I worry you are.
I know it's real rich of me to say I'm worried about how my words might have affected you, but there it is.
I wanted this to be very short so you didn't have to keep reading it.
Alright. I'm sorry for the things I said, and if I could go back I wouldn't say them. I care about you and I care about your happiness, no matter how it may have seemed. I love you, I have always loved you, I will always love you. And I completely understand if you don't love me or like me very much right now. That is completely fair. I don't love me or like me very much right now either. I have not proved myself to be very likeable or to be very fair to my friends. I am ashamed of the harm that I've brought.
I hope that one day, however it happens, you can find a way to forgive me. And please know that I do wish you and Clio and your child nothing but all of God's blessings and love. I was completely serious when I said that I will do anything in the world for a child of yours, whether I am part of its life or not.