InsaneJournal

Keely Ann Williams (keely__) wrote, @ 2008-03-17 01:04:00

XXII;
I'm out, resting, and doing ... ok.


Private

I have nothing else better to do, it's six in the morning over here and everyone is a sleep. I have a brace on my knee to keep me from not moving my leg, which I right now is good. Right now, if it wasn't for the brace I would be walking a hole in the floor.

I slept with Tyler the night before I left to come here. After it happened, only a very small part of me regretted it. Now, I regret it more then anything. Ever since I came out of surgery I have been in and out of it, this morning is the first time I've felt like myself. When I get bored I break out my laptop and I was going to leave a snappy little comment on one of his blogs. I see another girl saying she misses him and asking him to come sleep with her. And he's going. Part of me wants to break down and cry cause I promised myself I wouldn't give myself to anyone, unless I trusted them. I trusted him and now he's acting like a fucking boyfriend to this woman and ... he told me he didn't want a relationship.

I guess I have no reason to be upset ... but part of me feels betrayed. Part of me wants to call him and scream at him.

Rob is back in jail, Tori is missing and I only knew her through very bad comments between the two of us. Doesn't mean I'm not going to sit here and pray that she is ok. I hope she's ok, her family doesn't deserve this. I don't know her family, but no family deserves this. I don't know if Rob is back out or what, but something deep down inside of me feels that Rob is being set up. I'm hoping he's being set up.

When I found out what happened, all of these feelings I ignored and forgot came rushing back to me. When I was in New York waiting for my plane I wanted to go get a ticket and go back home. Run to jail and hope they'll let me in to see him. But another part of me told me to get on the plain and go to France. Now look, I'm on crutches because I decided to play tickle monster with Kyle and fall down the steps. Now Sam has to miss out on things and take care of me. Well not take care of me, but help me with some things and I feel bad about it. This was her vacation and she invited me and I ruined it. I was going to leave Tuesday and go to New York, so I can direct New York, I Love You, but I don't know if I can. They said they can wait till I'm able to fly over there.

I think I'm going to call Rob and see if he is out, if not leave him a message to call me as soon as he can. I still care and want to at least be a friend at his side.