| |
[Mar. 1st, 2008|05:33 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lost | ] |
[Private to self]
I'm really not doing well.
I couldn't do life properly, so I don't know how I'm going to do this whole being dead thing.
The only thing keeping me from holing away in my house is Teddy, and the thought that I may be working again soon.
But mostly my Teddy.
I know I don't say the right things to him most of the time, or anyone for that matter. My minds been a bit of a mess since arrival...Jumping from one thing to another...not that that's unusual for me, but it seems worse than ever now.
I wonder if anyone else had that.
Don't want to let on to him, he doesn't deserve a needy mum clinging to him like he were all she had left.
But he is, I think, it.
I thought I'd have Remus too, when we first corresponded. He'd said he loved me, but then...Blimey.
Tagging behind a man I'm unworthy of. Lovely. I wonder what people truly thought of me.
Were they laughing at me? That's what happens most of the time. Should be used to it.
I'm not well spoken, I jumble words sometimes... I don't even know how to talk to my son (but I'm getting there)...And of course I'm clumsy..
So aside from Teddy and being with him whenever possible, I'm just going to be throwing myself into my work.
I know I do that well at least.
Bugger this.
I'm giving myself 3 days to wallow and then I'm done with it. I don't care how far down I've got to push everything, I'm sick of feeling this way.
I was so confident in life, I'm not going to lose that just because I died and got dumped (for the thousandth time by the same man.)
3 days Tonks, then move on.
[/] |
|
|