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[Apr. 3rd, 2010|01:17 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Michigan | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Thriller- Michael Jackson | ] |
Greetings from Pontiac Michigan.
Nope, I'm not here filming. Rather, I'm here to support a person who means a lot to me. In fact, I had to work a 22 hour day the other day to catch up with them yesterday. So far, it's been worth it...I think.
Not a whole lot has changed since my last entry (although truth be told, I can't remember what I wrote about in it right now..oops). Been working a lot, trying to stay out of the tabloids, so far its been working. Pictures of me in my carwash attire had hit the internet earlier in the week, I had posted some but more have come out. When I see pictures of myself like that, It makes me glad that I love being outside and that I don't mind working out and surfing. This industry is a very difficult one to live in. Its not so much that the work is difficult, although it can be; its more the having to deal with the public's insane vanity standards. If you've packed on 20 lbs and now a solid 130, you're a big cow. You have to have clear skin, big tits, nice legs and a nice ass to go along with it. If you don't have any or all of that, you're automatically suspected of fucking a producer to get ahead in the business.
I feel bad for the young women of today, trying to get into Hollywood and those already there. I got lucky in the sense that I started out in the 90's, the pressure wasn't AS bad back then. Now you have more and more healthy looking, gorgeous girls, puking and snorting coke just to maintain a 'healthy' 90 lbs so they can score that walk on role on that new tv show that that producer they just fucked in their trailer swears is going to be the next big then. I've never had to fuck or suck anyone in order to get the roles I've landed. I'm not the best actress in the world, I know that, but I like that every job I've landed, I've gotten based on what talent I do have, not how flexible and how good of a fuck I am.
Speaking of fuck, I've done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks, especially recently. I'm slowly getting older and closer to 40. I'm beginning to look at things differently than I did 10 years, 5 years, 2 years; hell, even 2 months ago. I've been in my fair share of relationships. Some of the great, some of them not so much. Then there were the few that were just plain terrible. There was no love there. It was a relationship bought on by convience. Or based solely off of sex. Those relationships always stayed with me because of the way they made me feel afterwards. I felt very dirty, slutty. A few days ago, I was doing some thinking about some things from my past and some things a friend of mine said to me last week (thank you again btw). I deserve better than I've allowed myself to have over the years. I am not slutty..although for the one person I love, I 'could' be slutty, know what I mean? There's nothing wrong with a little kink to keep the sizzle in a relationship. But I never, ever want to feel like someone is only with me or talking to me because they think they'll be able to sleep with me a cast me aside like yesterday's trash. I have a lot to offer someone, someday. One day I'm going to find the guy who knocks me off my feet, one who I feel will be truly worthy of all the love that I can offer him. No longer will I sell myself short.
..its funny, this was not the direction I was trying to take with this post. I wanted to mention my sister Chimene and how I got to visit with her and my nieces and nephew the other day; they're so big now, It makes me sad that I'm missing out on so much of their growing up. But I'm glad I get to see them when I do.
I also wanted to mention that I went to go look at a house a few weeks back. Absolutely gorgeous. Lots of trees, lots of space. Pretty secluded, just a welcoming vibe. I haven't decided on whether or not I want to place a bid in for the place yet. I need to weigh my options. I don't really need a new home but this place is calling my name!
I might put in a low bid just in case. I don't wanna miss out. Worse that happens is I change my mind and pull my bid.
I have 8 million random thoughts running through my head but I don't know where to start so I guess the best thing to do would be to...STOP. I don't know where I'm heading next but I'm hoping the trip is memorable. I'm off to find a drink...or go to sleep.
xCam |
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