InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "hey hey hey"

Naughty Schoolteachers are Better (camerondiaz_) wrote,
@ 2010-04-03 01:17:00

Current location:	Michigan
Current music:	Thriller- Michael Jackson

Greetings from Pontiac Michigan.

Nope, I'm not here filming. Rather, I'm here to support a person who means a lot to me. In fact, I had to work a 22 hour day the other day to catch up with them yesterday. So far, it's been worth it...I think.

Not a whole lot has changed since my last entry (although truth be told, I can't remember what I wrote about in it right now..oops). Been working a lot, trying to stay out of the tabloids, so far its been working. Pictures of me in my carwash attire had hit the internet earlier in the week, I had posted some but more have come out. When I see pictures of myself like that, It makes me glad that I love being outside and that I don't mind working out and surfing. This industry is a very difficult one to live in. Its not so much that the work is difficult, although it can be; its more the having to deal with the public's insane vanity standards. If you've packed on 20 lbs and now a solid 130, you're a big cow. You have to have clear skin, big tits, nice legs and a nice ass to go along with it. If you don't have any or all of that, you're automatically suspected of fucking a producer to get ahead in the business.

I feel bad for the young women of today, trying to get into Hollywood and those already there. I got lucky in the sense that I started out in the 90's, the pressure wasn't AS bad back then. Now you have more and more healthy looking, gorgeous girls, puking and snorting coke just to maintain a 'healthy' 90 lbs so they can score that walk on role on that new tv show that that producer they just fucked in their trailer swears is going to be the next big then. I've never had to fuck or suck anyone in order to get the roles I've landed. I'm not the best actress in the world, I know that, but I like that every job I've landed, I've gotten based on what talent I do have, not how flexible and how good of a fuck I am.

Speaking of fuck, I've done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks, especially recently. I'm slowly getting older and closer to 40. I'm beginning to look at things differently than I did 10 years, 5 years, 2 years; hell, even 2 months ago. I've been in my fair share of relationships. Some of the great, some of them not so much. Then there were the few that were just plain terrible. There was no love there. It was a relationship bought on by convience. Or based solely off of sex. Those relationships always stayed with me because of the way they made me feel afterwards. I felt very dirty, slutty. A few days ago, I was doing some thinking about some things from my past and some things a friend of mine said to me last week (thank you again btw). I deserve better than I've allowed myself to have over the years. I am not slutty..although for the one person I love, I 'could' be slutty, know what I mean? There's nothing wrong with a little kink to keep the sizzle in a relationship. But I never, ever want to feel like someone is only with me or talking to me because they think they'll be able to sleep with me a cast me aside like yesterday's trash. I have a lot to offer someone, someday. One day I'm going to find the guy who knocks me off my feet, one who I feel will be truly worthy of all the love that I can offer him. No longer will I sell myself short.

..its funny, this was not the direction I was trying to take with this post. I wanted to mention my sister Chimene and how I got to visit with her and my nieces and nephew the other day; they're so big now, It makes me sad that I'm missing out on so much of their growing up. But I'm glad I get to see them when I do.

I also wanted to mention that I went to go look at a house a few weeks back. Absolutely gorgeous. Lots of trees, lots of space. Pretty secluded, just a welcoming vibe. I haven't decided on whether or not I want to place a bid in for the place yet. I need to weigh my options. I don't really need a new home but this place is calling my name!

I might put in a low bid just in case. I don't wanna miss out. Worse that happens is I change my mind and pull my bid.

I have 8 million random thoughts running through my head but I don't know where to start so I guess the best thing to do would be to...STOP. I don't know where I'm heading next but I'm hoping the trip is memorable. I'm off to find a drink...or go to sleep.

xCam

(Post a new comment)

	klexib 2010-04-03 11:56 pm UTC (link)
	That house is gorgeous. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	camerondiaz_ 2010-04-04 12:32 am UTC (link)
	ugh isnt it?! i want it! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	ash_g 2010-04-04 12:32 am UTC (link)
	Love the house, Cameron! You should definitely go for it. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	camerondiaz_ 2010-04-04 01:09 am UTC (link)
	seriously contemplating it (Reply to this) (Parent)

Whoa, I wrote you a novel. I'm sorry.

ex_bushas667
2010-04-04 08:10 pm UTC (link)

I think quite a bit of promiscuity goes back to parents tell their kids not to have sex, and because they're forbidden to do it, so to speak, that's why they do it. Kids see it as "bad" and that they're "not allowed," so as soon as they can, they take the path of actions that will lead them to gaining a label as a slut or a whore. They think that having sex is going to hurt their parents or guardians, when in reality, it's simply a matter of self respect. Think of how many girls have their hearts broken just because they wanted more than the boy did. It's pathetic and I think that if more parents taught their children self respect, we'd have a different outcome. Yes, I realize this has nothing to do with your entry, but it was simply thoughts that were spawned by your words.

I am in no way an advocate for abstinence. I've never waited until marriage to have sex, but I am also not a slut, nor have I been with that many men (in fact, two of the ones I can count, I've married). Sex is always something I've chosen to do for me, not because I've felt pressured, nor because I thought it was the "cool" thing to do. However, I can say that I've been a completely different person with each man I've been with. Now, I'm proud to say that I'm what I call a monogamous slut. I'm in a marriage that's full of love, passion, and a desire for one another, and if you were to give me the dirtiest, most whorish thing that you've either done or heard of, I've either done it with my husband, or I've just added it to our checklist to make sure that we do try it someday. Although I've never regret my past, the relationships of love were worth more than the others and because of this, my future looks pretty damn bright, I'm happy to say.

My respect for you jumped completely when I read this (not that it was ever low - I adore you). I love that you were so open with the things that you feel and have felt and that you're confident to no longer sell yourself short of what every woman deserves. No one deserves to be cast aside like trash and a man who is only willing to be with a woman because of sex and not open himself up to the other, amazing things life has to offer isn't worth it for a second. We all deserve to be loved, to be swept off our feet, and we all deserve to have someone not only "make love" to our bodies, but to want to satisfy us mentally and emotionally as well. I'm glad that it's something you've decided for yourself and I believe that's the first step to getting it.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

Re: Whoa, I wrote you a novel. I'm sorry.

camerondiaz_
2010-04-06 04:50 am UTC (link)

it was so nice to read this. i'm sorry it took so long to respond, i was on the net via my cell and typing comments on there sucks haha. i dont know if it was ever selling myself short but i'm the type that when i begin to fall for someone, i tend to allow them to get away with alot because i dont wanna lose them. i've been through too much in my life and i just finally decided 'fuck it, i deserve better'. change can be oh so good :)

(Reply to this) (Parent)

darkvalo
2010-04-05 09:58 am UTC (link)

Forgive me for doing it in front of everyone. I'm a bad one and have to live with that.
I didn't mean to hurt you, make you feel like that, make you think of such serious and sad things. I was afraid it could be based only on sex. I was wrong with it, as with many other things. Human beings tend to make mistakes, some of them are easy to fix, some other impossible.
I'm truly sorry for all what I've done recently.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	camerondiaz_ 2010-04-06 04:53 am UTC (link)
	not all of this has to do with you. dont worry. we can finish talk about this soon ok? (Reply to this) (Parent)