Can't decide which piece of gossip I love the most. Shocking stuff.
[Bole] "Was he helping her home like a good lad?". You owe me a cup of coffee because I spat mine all over the paper whilst reading that. You still dallying with Abbott, then? Little scamp.
[Malfoy] I haven't seen your name in the gossip column for ages, Malfoy. Fix that. Call it an early birthday present - you know your little adventures always put a smile on my face.
[Oberon] Is Cousin Estella really shagging Longbottom? I hear he needs a Remembrall just to find -- [...] actually, no, I think that might have been Finnigan.