InsaneJournal

Comment Porn: ~Fluid Sexuality~ NC-17
This started out with someone (who shall remain nameless) posting an orphan phrase on her (busaikko) LJ and inviting people to play. What follows is comment porn. No plan, no format, no anything, except the alternating thoughts of a couple of... odd minds.

NC17 - Warnings: Crack!fic, voyeurism, dubcon, noncon, threesome (foursome?), broomstick abuse, chicken abuse, perverse use of pudding, bondage, bullying, electrocution, underage drinking – am I missing anything? The Marauders as you've never seen them before (and never hope to see them again). BTW, I believe the boys are old enough, although maybe they're not.

Edit: It has been suggested that this little gem should be prefaced by a beverage warning, so this is it.

Many thanks to my wonderful beta for risking severe ocular damage giving this a brief once-over. (She made me take her name out.)


Every break denotes a change in author.
_________________________

Fluid Sexuality


"Look," Lupin said with a patient smile, "either you and your heterosexual arse get out of this story, or you can bloody well show the readers that a real man rejoices in his fluid sexuality."

James snarled.

------------------

"So you're telling me, to be a real man, I have to let you bugger me?" James snorted in disgust. "You twisted fuck."

"No." Lupin moved closer to James, his eyes lighting with mischief. "I'm saying you could bugger me."

-------------------

"Why didn't you say so?" James said, dropping his trousers. A few swift strokes of his hand and his massive cock was hard and ready. Lupin looked at the heavy barbells set along James' cock head and licked his lips. "Like what you see?" James smirked. "On your hands and knees, Lupin. If you think you can take it."

---------------

Lupin laughed. "So, not so heterosexual after all, are you, mate?" He advanced on James, eyes narrowed. "You want something, friend, you better learn how to ask."

-----------------

James shrugged indifferently. "A hole's a hole, mate." Under the Invisibility Cloak, Peter and Sirius both cringed, hands stilling momentarily on each other's cocks.

Remus pounced, knocking James backwards. Remus had the advantage of being a Dark Creature, with supernatural strength. He was also still dressed, if his low-slung pajama trousers counted. But James was a Chaser, hard-muscled from daily practice. He knew just what to do with the broomstick between his legs.

Remus fought tooth and nail, surprising James with a crack from the back of his head and a sharp elbow gouge. But when James finally surged to the top, letting his full weight rest on top of Remus, there was little he could do, save bite James viciously on the shoulder.

"Damn," Peter whispered, his hand tightening convulsively, driving a moan from Sirius' lips, "that's pretty hot."

-------------------

"Damn you!" James, momentarily distracted, let go of Remus' wrists.

Lupin grabbed Peter's wand that had rolled, unnoticed by its owner, from under the Invisibility cloak, and with a quick twist of his wrist had cast a lubrication charm. The wand was flung aside with one hand, his pajamas bottoms torn with the other, then both hands grabbed James’ hips, lifted him slightly and yanked him down onto Lupin’s stiff cock.

James let out a howl, though whether it was pain, surprise, or anger, wasn't clear.

Under the Invisibility Cloak, Peter came.

------------------

Peter's hand slipped from Sirius' cock as he tried to wipe the gooey mess from James' prized cloak. Sirius groaned in frustration as he stared at the mind-blowing sight of Remus fucking James. James' magnificent cock... called to him.

Sirius threw the cloak aside and crossed the room.

"Looking a bit frustrated there, mate," he said, and reached under the mattress for Remus' tube of Prism Jism lube (Remus had a bad habit of shopping bargain sales). He slicked James' cock, fingering the piercings lovingly. "Bet this feels great," he said hoarsely, raising himself over James.

---------------------


"Damn you, Remus!" James struggled against Lupin's grip. "That... that... oooh... shit, that feels good. Yes, Sirius, pal, right here, like that. No, Peter, I will not suck you! Oh, gods! Remus, harder! Sirius, move a little this way..."

"For Merlin's sake, James, shut the fuck up!" Lupin gasped.

Sirius pushed back onto James throbbing member, drawing his breath in a sharp hiss as the piercings rubbed over his prostate. Why in gods' name hadn't he done this before? He'd been eyeing that lovely log for months now - what had he been waiting for?

Straddling Lupin’s chest, impaled on James' cock, Sirius' own member bobbed over Lupin's face, the head bumping Lupin’s chin with every thrust from either Lupin or James.

--------------------

"Thank goodness we're all really flexible!" Sirius gasped out: why was it every time they did something like this it ended up like the finale of the Chinese circus? Remus was turning a bit blue around the edges, unable to catch a deep breath, but Sirius figured that was fine--he liked it like that.

James kept struggling up, trying to escape Remus' brutal pounding, and every twitich he made went straight to the pleasure centre of Sirius' brain. Then his brain shut down entirely, and Sirius reached back to claw at James' arse as he came, moaning helplessly, all over Remus' face.

---------------------

Lupin blinked, then spit. "It's blue!"

Sirius couldn't tell if Lupin was shocked or delighted. Damn him and his discount lubes!

------------------

But he wasn't laughing at Remus for long: pretty soon he had the embarassing choice of having James' flourescent pink cum stain through his boxers, or submit to the indignity of having his arse Evanescoed.

Remus, the only one of them to have mastered the lubrication charm (Sirius kept producing oily froth, and Peter's was sickeningly fishy), said it was just desserts.

Sirius begain plotting Remus' just desserts. He rather thought it would involve pudding.

-----------------------

"So much for your heterosexual arse, eh mate?" Lupin laughed as James eased off of him.

He didn't notice that Sirius seemed to be scheming....

------------------


...but the way James' eyes flicked daemonically to him as he polished his broomstick that evening made Remus very, very nervous.

-----------------


Not to mention that Sirius had been very quiet - a sure sign that he was trying to hatch some plan or other. And Peter? Had he really seen him slipping three extra puddings into his book bag at dinner?

----------------

In retrospect, Remus ought not to have gone to bed, and certainly ought not to have fallen asleep. In retrospect, he ought to have fled the castle, perhaps taken up a new life as an itinerant performer in a Punch and Judy troupe (he did an excellent crocodile, if he did say so himself).

But hindsight, as they say, is 20/20.

It was impressive how they had managed to roll him over and tie his hands to the headboard without waking him. As well how they had managed to vanish his pyjamas without removing all his body hair (as usually happened). Intellectually, Remus had a lot of respect for the talents shown by his fellow Marauders. But as the first hard lash of Padfoot's leash cracked down on his bare arse, respect was not foremost in his thoughts.

--------------------

"Shit!" The lash landed again. "Fuck - Pads!" He struggled against the ties binding his wrists. "What did I do to you? It was James being the arsehole, not me. It was him that was too good for cock. OW! When have I not given you anything you want?"

----------------------

Sirius paused a second. "But this is what I want, Moony."

From the darkness behind him James appeared, a slickly polished broomstick in hand. "Because what you have to know is, what I want, he wants."

"Don't look at me," Peter squeaked. "I'm just holding the pudding."

----------

Lupin’s eyes grew huge as he stared at the broomstick.

"Oh, no. Prongs, no."

"Gonna beg, Moony?" James stood stroking the broom handle with a sensuous languor.

Lupin bit his lip but remained silent. A rustling in the corner caught his attention and he strained to see in the direction of the sound.

“Fuck - is that a chicken?”

---------------------

"There now, you know the rules," James said. Remus gave him a glare of impotent rage. Sirius had kindly tied his ankles together with the leash, so it wouldn't mean messy, ignominous death should he fall. Remus was not sure this was a mercy. "All you have to do is catch the chicken."

"You utter, utter bastard," Remus said. James drew back his wand and prodded one of the raw welts that crisscrossed Remus' arse. Remus yelped, jumped, and flailed as he lost his balance on the windowsill and fell.

"One of these days, someone is going to die," Peter said clinically as Remus managed to get the broom under control a mere three metres from the ground. At least it isn't me this time, he thought, hugging his arms around himself. At least Lupin has a nice, tight arse.

"So long as he gets the bird before all the pudding leaks out he'll be fine. Slippery broom's tricky," James said with a smirk. He leant out the window. "Oi, Lupin, here comes the bird!" He threw the chicken out, and on its magically-enhanced wings it soared like a giant clucking Snitch.

Far below, in the dungeons, a night-clad prowler paused and cocked his head. "Do you hear that, my pretty?" he whispered. "I hear... clucking. Students," he hissed, "cursed students are playing Chase the Chicken again. This time, I want blood!"

Snatching up his cat, his cat'o'nine tails, and his Box of Foul Tortures (which rattled ominously), Filch stalked up the stairs towards the grounds.

---------------------

Lupin raced after the chicken, trying to drive it away from the castle windows, and possible prying eyes, and away from Hagrid's hut. He didn't even want to think about the things the Gamekeeper had threatened them with if he caught them abusing another chicken.

The heat from his body was liquefying the pudding and it was starting to seep out, making the broomstick slick.

"Why the hell is it slippery? Why isn't it sticky?"

Lupin lost his seat on a curve and found himself dangling beneath the broom, which promptly bucked. Damn James and his high-strung broom! At least the school brooms were spelled to stop and hover if you fell off.

He sighed and closed his eyes, waiting for the broom to calm down. Maybe he should just give up. If he lost, he'd have to suck them all off - every day - for a week. He thought about that. James and Sirius... mmm. Then the picture of Peter's pale, wrinkled, little member came to mind and he started to struggle again.

Wait! If he tried, maybe he could expel the rest of the pudding before he got back on the broom. It might help.... He made a face as he tensed the muscles of his abdomen. Damn Potter. He was going to pay for this. They were all going to pay for this.

Lupin was finally back on the broomstick, shaking the sweat from his eyes and moving off slowly, looking for the chicken. He only had fifteen minutes in which to find the bird before he was declared loser.

There! Roosting in the tree. He used his wolf stealth to sneak up on it and - yes! He had it.

Tucking the squawking chicken firmly under his arm, he headed back for the softly glowing window high in the Gryffindor tower, jubilation coursing through his veins. He was totally unaware that, at that very moment, Filch was approaching the same room from the darkened hallway.

-------------------

"Save yourself!" Sirius shouted as Remus landed on the windowsill in triumph, brandishing his chicken.

"Red-handed," rasped a terribly familiar voice, and cold steel snapped shut around his wrist. "Well, well, well. Dumbledore's prized pullet, Clarabelle. The Headmaster will be very, very upset when he finds out who is responsible for him not getting his eggy toast at breakfast. Unless you can think of a way to... persuade me not to tell him...."

Remus looked around the room wild-eyed. His roommates were hung by their ankles from the curtain-rods of their beds. There was an odd silvery webbing across the room which baffled him, until he realised that the thin chains connected to wicked-looking clamps attached to the flesh of his friends. If Sirius moved his arm, he would tug on James' left nipple and--Remus winced--Peter's scrotum. No wonder his friends were preternaturally still. No wonder none of them were coming to his rescue.

My God, Remus thought, Gryffindor tower has been turned into Filch's own sexual torture fun fair. Rough hands forced him down, the other end of the handcuff was attached to a sturdy chest of drawers, and he moaned in fear. And I'm the main act....

-----------

Don't panic, Lupin thought feverishly. Maybe he could wait Filch out? Once the day started, he'd have to give it up, wouldn't he? Lupin's heart sank. It was the start of the Holidays. No one would miss them for a week.

It made his stomach heave to ask, but he didn't see any way around it. "Uh. How might that be accomplished?"

Filch looked him up and down, ran a hand reverently over the red welts on his back and beyond, then curled his lip as his fingers came away with the residue of the pudding.

"What's this?"

"Um. Pudding. Spotted Dick, actually."

"You boys are sick! Wasting food that way. I'll have to punish you extra for that." Filch's beady eyes gleamed as he rooted in his Box of Foul Tortures. "Here we are." He held up a rectangular box with two short, shiny, gold colored springs on top. "Isn't it purty?"

"What is it?" Peter's voice shook.

"A battery." James, who had seen one at the Muggle grandparents’, sounded puzzled.

"That's right. And it does right wonderful things." Filch touched the springs to one of the light chains connecting the three boys.

Lupin went weak with disbelief as his three friends convulsed in pain, their shrieks bouncing off the thick walls.

"Stop! Jeez, Filch, don't do that."

"No?" Filch turned to Lupin. He approached, slowly unzipping his trousers. "Well, you're the only one who can stop me, lad."

Lupin swallowed the bile raising in his throat. "Uh... wait."

"Moony!" Three voices chorused in disbelief. "Come on, Moony, we're mates." Sirius choked out.

Lupin studied his friends for a moment, then looked at Filch, hauling his cock out of dingy pants. His eyes bugged. The man was huge, and none too clean from the looks of him. Lupin considered his friends once more, and thought of all the tricks they had played, all the games of Chase the Chicken, and let’s hide Moony's clothes while he's skinny dipping in the lake, and let’s steal Moony's homework the night before it's due. He smiled.

"Gee, mates, I might need to think about this for a bit."

---------------------

Filch played his perverse game with the batteries and the chained Marauders once, twice more. The second time, Peter's convulsions took a long time to stop.

"Still refuse to suck me off, Mr Lupin?" Remus shook his head and locked his jaw defiantly. "Well, maybe one of the friends you're allowing me to torment would care to tell me where the lube is, filthy wanking little boys that you are."

After a pause, in which Filch turned the battery slowly in his hands, Sirius spoke up dully. "Second drawer from the top, under the Beater's Review."

"Nasty boys," Filch said appreciatively. "Make me feel so good."

"You rat," Remus hissed as Filch took out--wait a minute! That wasn't James' Sir Lubes-a-lot (Extra Slick for the Discerning Gentleman!). That small brown jar--Remus stared at Sirius in wide-eyed horror--that was Peter's term project for Advanced Potions... and the reason Peter now had to spend his hols taking remedial lessons with Slughorn.

"I'm not the rat around here," Sirius said, and winked encouragingly at Remus as Filch coated his monstrous cock with the orange goop, yanked Remus' hips up roughly, and--turning his back to the three chained Animagi--took Remus in one powerful thrust.

Remus screamed in rage and frustration as his abused arse was punished almost beyond endurance. He could feel the tingling, magical burn of Peter's cocked-up potion already starting to work. Filch's cock forced the currants back and forth over Remus' prostrate (Did he ever get a day when the house-elves served jellies, like James, or creme brulee, like Sirius, or tapioca, like Peter? Oh, no, always something with dried fruit and nuts. It was a conspiracy.); despite himself, he groaned and felt himself growing hard.

Come on, come on....

Behind Filch, there was a jangling noise, and Clarabelle began to cluck in alarm.

------------------

Desperate for something with which to distract himself from his stiffening cock – traitorous bastard – Lupin dropped his head and looked back between his arms, past his swelling member and tightening nuts, between his legs, past Filch’s hairy balls swinging between the caretaker’s skinny legs, to where his three mates hung upside down in their chains, although now they looked right side up to Lupin’s inverted vision. But there were only two of them. Peter’s chains hung empty, jangling gently against the wall.

He’s transformed! In spite of everything, Lupin couldn’t help feel a surge of admiration for Peter’s quick wits and powers of concentration.

Lupin jumped when Filch screamed. At first he thought it was Peter’s orange goo working, but then he noticed Peter’s ratty self, teeth sunk deep in Filch’s ankle. Peter! Lupin made a mental note to let Peter copy his homework the next time he asked.

Before anyone could react, a terrible crash came from the door as if a huge battering ram were assaulting the wood and iron.

“You open this door now, d’ya hear?” Hagrid bellowed from outside the room. “I know you’re in there Remus Lupin – I saw you with Clarabelle and I will not let you boys scramble the Headmaster’s eggs!”

Everyone froze in a sort of comic tableau – except Clarabelle, whose alarmed clucks had escalated to hysterical squawks.

-----------------------

"So then what happened?" Harry said, sneaking a mouthful of Remus' whiskey and choking himself blue in the face.

"Oh, there was quite a bit of a rumpus, as you can imagine," Sirius replied with jovial nostalgia. "That bit with Hagrid hanging Filch out the window by the ankles, a spot of nipple reattachment, Dumbledore sitting Remus on his knee for the longest time to calm him down, chicken a la orange for lunch the next day.... But we all came out just fine, didn't we, Moony?"

"Except for Filch," Remus said, smirking. "His cock's still green, but I gather most of the feathers have molted."

"Peter all over," Sirius said. "How he got a Sleeping Draught to become a Parroting Draught, we never did find out." He refilled his and Remus' glasses and summoned another can of Gotcher Cherry Cola for Harry. "Your dad and I got our names engraved on the Loose Lips Sink Ships plaque for our bravery, and to keep us from talking, of course. Peter had to hide the fact that he was an Animagus, of course, so all he got was a squeaky chew-toy."

Harry looked back and forth between his godfather and his favourite professor. "Is that why Worm-- I mean, Pettgrew hates you?" he asked timidly.

Sirius shrugged, each of his eyes staring pensively in different directions at the bottom of his whiskey tumbler. "It's true, after we got the award I stuck to my Moony and James paired up with Lily. Could be related to the Loose Lips thing."

"Nothing loose about James," Remus said brightly, leaning a bit too far to his right. "Tightest bit of a--"

"You're tight, Moony," Sirius cut in. "The boy's only fifteen."

"When I was fifteen--" Remus began, and Sirius kicked him under the table.

"Harry doesn't want to hear about all the sexual favours you traded for grades now, I'm sure," Sirius said, with a preemptive warning glare at Harry, who blinked back innocently.

"Did you sleep with all your teachers, Professor Lupin?"

"A certain percentage," Remus said shiftily.

Harry's eyes went round. "Even McGonagall?"

Remus pulled himself up straight. "I have always embraced my fluid sexuality," he said, and then his head sunk slowly to the tabletop and he began to snore.

fin~

_________________________


For those curious about Prism Jism, you can read its first appearance here, in Spy vs Spy



(She dared me to post this - it's not my fault!)