This was supposed to be good. Moving here. Being able to be with Josh for the first time in years. It was supposed to make everything better. Instead I just keep fucking everything up.


I'm sorry I suck at this whole being together in real life thing. I guess I always thought that by the time we could be together I'd have managed to get this shit heap of a power under control, you know? I thought I'd actually be able to touch you, and not being able to is so much harder than I realized it would be. Having to be so damned careful all the time, to think about every movement so I don't hurt you. Knowing it's not just distance keeping us from touching anymore, it's me.

I want to touch you so damned bad it's almost frightening sometimes. I want to know what your skin feels like and what you taste like and sometimes it's hard to believe it's ever going to happen. And I swear to god I won't stop trying, but...even if it never does happen? There's nothing I want more than to be with you, and I guess I've done a crap job of letting you know that.

I love you. More than anything. More than I ever thought I could love someone. Which I know is really fucking sappy, but you've got to be used to that from me by now, right? Swear to god, Josh, I would rather be with you and never be able to touch you than be with anyone else and get a free pass from my powers with them and I am really fucking scared I've ruined everything.