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_withoutacause ([info]_withoutacause) wrote,
@ 2012-03-03 09:23:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:peter pettigrew, remus lupin, sirius black

Who: Sirius, Peter, and Remus
What: Someone needs to stop him from making a really bad decision
When: ...... Before Lily comes back, I think? Not totally sure of the timeline atm
Where: Empty Potions Classroom
Rating: PG 13 for self harm
Status: Incomplete

Cut my life into pieces, this is my last

Sirius locked the door behind him, the satisfying snick signifying that he was finally alone. He could do this here, undisturbed. No one would ever look for him in the Dungeons. He hands were trembling, the wand clutched in his right unsteady but sure. He didn't have a choice anymore, not after what he did to Lily. It could be Peter he hurt next, or James, or Merlin no Remus. He wasn't safe. This was the best option, for everyone.

He placed the tip of his wand at the crook of his elbow and muttered a slicing charm, dragging it up till it sliced through the delicate artery in his wrist. He could see the blood pumping out, but he couldn't feel any pain. He was both relieved and dissapointed by that, he desereved to suffer.

He felt vaguely sorry for Filch, who was no doubt going to have to clean up after him. Oh well, it would be his last prank on the surley caretaker. One last big joke. He liked that idea.

He raised his wand, now suddenly very steady, and placed the tip against his other arm. Blood ran down it's length, but he ignored it. One more cut and he wouldn't be a danger anymore.

I'm sorry Moony.


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[info]__wormy
2012-03-03 10:00 pm UTC (link)
Peter did not want to go near him. He did not want to do this anymore. He just wanted to go back to his dorm, his warm bed and the familiar sheets, where blood wasn't, where he and his mates had shared good times, memories of laughing over one prank or another.

Not this!

He could not resist though, as Remus pulled him close, the stench of blood reaching him once again, stronger then what clung to his clothes. His stomach turned over.

"Remus, I--" I don't want to. Don't make me!

He let out a shuddering breath, kneeling down beside his friends, and doing as he was instructed, hand shaking as he lifted Sirius' arm up.

"I--I'm sorry, M-Moony, I--he...I got here too late..."

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[info]thewolfen
2012-03-03 10:11 pm UTC (link)
Peter was giving up, he could tell. And it did look hopeless, so he couldn't blame him for it, he just didn't want to hear it, and he wasn't going to give up.

He put his fingers up to the pulsepoint in Sirius' neck. It was weak, but he still was able to find one. "Peter, stop. Stop," he said, looking at him sternly. "It's not too late. We're not too late. He's going to be fine." He turned back toward Sirius and pat his cheeks again. "Sirius, Sirius," he said, getting a bit more desperate in his plea for him to wake up.

"Open your eyes, please? Please, Sirius, open your eyes for me," he said. He felt tears starting to find their way to the corners of his eyes, but he wasn't going to let them spill, because that would mean he'd given up, and that was something he refused to do. If he didn't wake up, they'd run him to the hospital wing. Or he'd send Pete to get Pomfrey. They'd fix him. They had to.

When he still didn't respond, Remus took out his wand. He started to unwrap Sirius arm, to look at the damage done. It was pretty extensive, and Remus' healing skills, while advanced, weren't as advanced as someone with proper Healing training. He knew enough, as he'd mended himself countless times over the years, but he'd never tried it on someone else.

"Hold his arm still, Pete," he said. "Understand? Don't shake." He aimed his wand at the cut where blood was still oozing out, and started to mend it back together slowly.

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[info]__wormy
2012-03-03 10:28 pm UTC (link)
Stop, stop.

He wanted to. He tried to tell Remus this, but his voice had died, and instead Peter just bite down on his lower lip, trying to keep the tears at bay, and failing all over again.

Sirius would not wake, and that scared him. Scared Peter more then the blood had, and the way he had smiled, as if everything were alright...

Wordlessly, he reached out, taking hold of his mate's arm, just as he had been told. Not shaking up hardier, but damned if he did not try.

Sirius just needed patched up. Remus could do that. He could.

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[info]_withoutacause
2012-03-03 10:50 pm UTC (link)
Sirius didn't want to wake up. He was happy where he was, it was safe and warm and nothing hurt. But the voice was so insistent, and so familiar, and he felt compelled to obey.

His eyelids fluttered open, and he saw Moony bending over him, an intense look on his face. He didn't want Moony to look like that, not ever. He reached out a shakin hand and placedit gently on his cheek.

"Don't be sad love," he whispered.

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[info]thewolfen
2012-03-03 11:23 pm UTC (link)
Remus was barely blinking. He wasn't really even breathing. All his focus was on mending the straight line down Sirius' arm to stop the bleeding. But it was more than just stitching skin. He'd cut deep, which meant there was internal damage that had to be mended. He'd given himself some pretty deep gashes before and mended them, so he had some confidence, but it was still difficult. If he messed up on himself, that was one thing, but to mess up on Sirius would devastate him.

They might still need to get him up to see Pomfrey after this, but at least he wouldn't bleed out on the way.

When he reached the end of the first cut, it looked as though he'd managed to do it properly, but he was still a nervous wreck. And he still had to do the same for the other one. At least Peter had seemed to pull himself together. It might be temporary, but it was something.

He looked at Peter again, and set Sirius' mended arm down on his leg. "I need this." He loosened and pulled off the other boy's tie, then tied it tight around Sirius' other arm as he'd done with the first. "Okay, just hold this one up the same way you did before. You can do this, Pete." Remus needed him to be strong right now. They both had to be, for Sirius. He pointed his wand at the second cut, and began to mend it as well.

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[info]__wormy
2012-03-03 11:34 pm UTC (link)
Oh thank Merlin. Sirius had woken up. He seemed to be just barely there, but it was something, better then his stillness and silence.

It helped Peter to resolve himself somewhat as well, and he did not move, as Remus tugged his tie free.

"E--everything is okay, Sirius..." His voice was a meek squeak, however it meant something that he had finally found it again. Just as he had done before, Peter held Sirius' arm as Remus mended it.

Watching more closely now, through thoroughly blurred eyes, to make sure the other did not move suddenly and make a mess of it.

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[info]thewolfen
2012-03-03 11:59 pm UTC (link)
With Sirius awakening, Remus felt a little bit relieved. Stopping the bleeding was working, but he looked awfully pale. He was weak, and likely delirious from blood loss. He didn't have anything to replenish it with. Only time would help with that unless they went straight to Madam Pomfrey now. But that would ultimately be up to Sirius.

"You've got to keep your arm still," he said softly. He was still in Level-Head-Remus form, but inside he was worried to death that he'd botched the mending job. There were so many questions, but now was not the same to ask. "Just keep talking to us, Padfoot. Keep talking." They had to keep him alert until they could figure out when the best time would be to move him.

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[info]_withoutacause
2012-03-04 01:00 am UTC (link)
Sirius frowned, wondering why Remus looked so unhappy.

"You're so sad," he said, wanting to kiss but not feeling capable of sitting up. "I hate it when you're sad."

He shuddered suddenly, fine tremors that shook his whole body and sent shivers of pain up his arms.

"I fixed it though, right? I made it better?"

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[info]thewolfen
2012-03-04 06:58 am UTC (link)
No. He didn't fix anything. What he did was make things a hell of a lot worse. But what good would it do to tell him that right now? It would just spin him into an even deeper downward spiral, and he didn't want to do that. He could yell at him when he recovered. ...Though who was he kidding? Remus never yelled at anyone.

"We need to get you upstairs," he said, just ignoring the question all together. "If we help you, do you think you can walk, Padfoot?" he asked, remaining calm for now, even though he was a complete wreck inside.

"Pete, help me brace him so we can try."

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[info]_withoutacause
2012-03-04 07:07 pm UTC (link)
Sirius thought about it, then nodded jerkilly. He stood slowly, leaning heavilly on Remus for support, but managed to stay upright against the werewolfs shoulder. He whimpered quietly when his arms made contact with Remus' clothing, but overall the pain seemed very distant. He felt detached, like it was all happening to a different person.

Something suddenly occured to him, and he looked sharply up at his friends. How were Peter and Remus here? They were not supposed to be. If they were here then Sirius had failed...

"Are you dead too?" He asked, voice suddenly choked with tears. "M sorry, 'm so sorry. I was s'posed to keep y' safe..."

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[info]thewolfen
2012-03-05 02:42 pm UTC (link)
Sirius was delirious. The blood loss, combined with whatever it was that had been done to him, were making him speak nonsense. Remus didn't know what to do about it except that they had to get him to their room and let him rest. Taking him to Madam Pomfrey would open up a can of worms that Remus really didn't think Sirius could handle right now. If his condition worsened, they'd go. For now, he thought they could handle it.

"No one died, Sirius," he said softly. "We're safe. Everything is going to be all right now." Remus supported Sirius up as best he could, and the three of them started to make progress as they moved away from the classroom. Before exiting the room, Remus turned and cast a cleansing charm on the floor to erase any sign of what had happened there.

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[info]__wormy
2012-03-05 07:03 pm UTC (link)
Peter did not know what to do anymore. He did not want to talk, to look upon all of the blood, Sirius' pale pallor, and the way Remus' spell fixed the injuries.

His mind was filled with worries, concerns both selfish and not; ideas that he would be blamed for this, that he had pushed Sirius to this act!

And wondering, as to whether his mate would make it out of this alright. If they could ever go back to the way they had been before...

He stood, hands shaking once again, as he helped his friend to stand, and silently helped Remus to lead him out of the classroom.

Are you dead too?

Peter shook his head, sniffing slightly, glad all the more that Remus was there; reassuring Sirius, speaking and acting as the smart-calm-collected person that they all needed right now.

Peter felt sick to his stomach and so he kept his mouth tightly clamped shut.

As the started up the stairs, Peter took a better hold of the dark-haired teen, supporting him up the stone steps and into the hall...

What would they tell anyone...? No one could know Sirius had done this to himself...

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[info]_withoutacause
2012-03-05 08:37 pm UTC (link)
By the time they made it to the Tower Sirius was barely awake and could no longer control the shivering. He had long ago let his head rest against Remus' shoulder and he was vaguely aware that he would have sunk to the ground long before now if it wasn't for the two boys holding him upright.

He just wanted to disapear, to give in to the haze and sleep forever. That wasn't too much to ask, right?


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[info]thewolfen
2012-03-05 10:07 pm UTC (link)
A thought occurred to him as they entered the Tower; he had a few supplies that might aid Sirius' recovery. With all the injuries he was constantly causing to himself, Madam Pomfrey had given Remus a small stash of first aid potions, salves, and wraps to help with the pain. One of which, was a blood replenishing potion. It tasted dreadful, but if Sirius could drink even a little of it, Remus would feel better about him sleeping.

"Help me get him up to the room and to his bed, Pete. I think I've got something that can help him," he said. "Come on, Sirius. Help us help you. Not much further now." Remus used all his strength to help hoist him up the remaining stairs that would take them to the dorms. Their room, fortunately, wasn't that far down the hall. Once they were inside, he looked over at Peter. "Just get him to the bed and keep him talking while I find a potion for him."

He was hesitant to let go, but he had to trust Peter to be able to support him long enough to get him to bed. Remus turned and went right to his trunk, where he started digging through it for the box of first aid supplies he kept for himself.

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[info]__wormy
2012-03-06 07:59 pm UTC (link)
Peter listened, and helped to hoist Sirius higher up the stairs, down the hall and then to their own room, where their Four Posters sat in the dim of the room. Empty for now, which was a relief to him.

Once Remus moved off, Peter found he had more trouble then before with the other man -- Sirius was taller then him, and heavier then anything he was used to carrying -- and it was only through sheer determination that he managed to bring the Black to his bed.

He laid him down, pulled his legs up onto the bed and made it so that his arms were secure.

It looked painful. (Peter was surprised he had not gotten sick yet)

Talk to him...

Leaning over the bed, he gave Sirius' face a light smack, trying to keep him conscious. "Hey, mate. Open your eyes..."

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[info]_withoutacause
2012-03-06 10:39 pm UTC (link)
Sirius sank into the bed with a barely suppressed sigh. He couldn't even find the energy to lift his legs, and was more than grateful when someone did it for him. He was drifting off, so close to oblivion, and it felt wonderful...

Something smacked against his cheek and he pawed weakly at it. Didn't it know he just wanted to sleep?

"Hey, mate. Open your eyes..."

Sirius groaned. That sounded so hard.

"G'way," he mumbled. "T'red"

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[info]__wormy
2012-03-06 10:45 pm UTC (link)
Peter gave a shake of his head. He knew Sirius did not see it, but there was no time to stop and dwell on that matte. Putting his hands underneath Sirius' arms, he pulled him up into a sitting position and leaned him back against the head board.

An uncomfortable position, but that was the point. "I---I don't care if you're tired."

It was difficult, to keep himself talking, rather then just break down and cry and be done with it all. Sirius and Remus needed him though, and until they no longer did, he would keep trying.

He smacked him again, hardier this time.

"Sirius. You realize you're being a t--twat, don't you? Just open your eyes, yeah? Stay with me..."

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[info]_withoutacause
2012-03-06 10:55 pm UTC (link)
Sirius groaned again, but blearily opened his eyes.

"Kay, th're open." He shifted, arms throbbing and head pounding, trying to find a spot that was less uncomfortable.

"Pete?" he frowned at him, trying to get his mind up to speed with his body. "S'goin on? 'M I drunk?"

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[info]__wormy
2012-03-06 11:08 pm UTC (link)
Thank Merlin.

Peter pressed one hand over his eyes, inhaling deeply, an attempt to calm his rapidly beating heart. A small part of Peter wished that Sirius had kept his eyes shut a little longer, just so that he could hit him. Make him understand how much he and hurt them...

"N...no. You idiot, your---"

Sirius did not understand however. It was clear he was delirious.

"Why would you hurt yourself...?"

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[info]_withoutacause
2012-03-06 11:47 pm UTC (link)
"I had to." Sirius let his eyes drift shut again. "I need'd every one t'be safe." Merlin, it was so cold in here. He moved to wrap his arms around himself, but that sent a ripple of pain down to the tips of his fingers. He gasped, letting them fall back to his sides.

"M'sorry, it was the only way to be sure..."

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[info]thewolfen
2012-03-07 04:37 am UTC (link)
Really, he just wanted to sit down in a corner and have a good cry. Remus was so tired, so worn down. He'd been trying to do everything he could for Sirius, and it wasn't working. Now he'd gone and tried to kill himself. It was too much. He couldn't take it anymore. But Remus didn't want to make this about him. He could stop and get upset later, alone. Right now he had to focus on Sirius and make sure he was okay.

After a little digging, he managed to find what he needed. His stomach turned at the thought of drinking that horrible potion, but if Sirius could get some of it down, he'd be a lot safer. He could hear him talking which was also a good sign. Remus returned to him and Peter, and knelt on the bed.

"Sirius, you have to drink as much of this as you can," he instructed. "Slowly. Don't chug it, you'll get sick." He uncorked the slender tube containing the potion and held it to his lips. "It's going to help you regain some of your strength."

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[info]_withoutacause
2012-03-07 05:16 am UTC (link)
Sirius nodded slightly, he trusted anything Remus ever said. He swalled a trickle of the potion, and immediatly gagged on it. But Remus had told him to drink it, so he closed his eyes and choked it down with a whimper.

He managed three more mouthfulls before he had to turn away, stomach churrning. He felt though, his head was clearer and the utter lethargy had faded to simple tiredness. He let his eyes slip shut and leaned against Remus' chest. Remus...

He bolted forward with a gasp, everything suddenly coming back to him. He remember what he'd been doing, what Peter must have caught him doing...

"You saved me," He croaked, half accusitory, half desperate. "Why would you do that?"

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[info]thewolfen
2012-03-07 06:02 am UTC (link)
Remus stared at him in disbelief. Had he really believed he was better off dead? Or worse, that they wouldn't have tried to stop him? It almost hurt to think that, but he shook his head and dismissed any pain that might have ome as a result of his words. Instead, he focused on the fact that Sirius had drank enough of the potion to replenish his blood supply.

"Why wouldn't we?" He asked. "We love you. And this, whatever's wrong, we're going to make it right. You'll see, but you have to stick around in order for us to do that." Remus took the container back from him and set it on the night table.

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[info]_withoutacause
2012-03-07 06:18 am UTC (link)
Sirius felt those damn tears threatening again, and Merlin he was tired of crying. He forced them back, focusing on how everything had gone to shit instead.

"You don't understand," he all but snarled. "What if there is no way to fix this! What if I go crazy and hurt Peter next, or James? What if I hurt you Remus?" He couldn't bear it, he just bear it. If he did anything to them, if they ended up like Lily... Oh Merlin, Lily

"I killed Lily!" Even he couldn't tell if he was screaming or sobbing. "I could kill everyone in this whole damn place!"

He launched off the bed, but was immediatly assaulted by dizzyness and sank to the floor.

"I can't do it anymore Moony."

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[info]__wormy
2012-03-07 07:29 pm UTC (link)
Peter had bitten down on his lower lip. Stupidly he let Remus talk, let him explain to Sirius how they felt, what they all meant to do...

They did love him, and more then once they had all agreed that they would help Sirius, try to fix him....

Peter wiped his tears away, the few that had began to slide down his cheeks once again. He drew back, as Sirius spoke, energy coming back as the potion did its work.

"You---You didn't. It wasn't you, Si--" He broke off, as the other tried to move from the bed and instead slide down against the floor.

Peter stood quickly, and carefully pulled his friend back onto the bed, where he pushed him against the sheets, rather unceremoniously.

"Sirius---Just stop it!"

He did not mean to snap, but he did. Stress and strain was only growing the longer he saw what was happening to his friend.

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[info]thewolfen
2012-03-07 09:47 pm UTC (link)
Peter just did what Remus had been wanting to do. He wanted to take Sirius by the shoulders and shake him, tell him to stop all this and just lay still and everything would be all right. They were all there for him, they all loved him, and they weren't going to give up on him. It didn't matter what he did or what happened; they were the Marauders, they were never going to give up on each other no matter what. They loved each other, they were each other's strongest pillars of support. Nothing would change that.

But once again, Remus internalized his feelings and just let Peter help Sirius back down onto the bed. "Sirius, you're safe here. You didn't kill Lily. And we're going to get you the help you need to make things right." He moved closer, so that he could place both hands on Sirius' cheeks. "Look at me, Padfoot," he said, as soothingly as he could. "Trust me. Please? Trust me. We'll make it right. But you've got to stop trying to hurt yourself. For me, for all of us. Please, just rest here. I'll stay with you. Just stay here."

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[info]_withoutacause
2012-03-07 10:40 pm UTC (link)
Siriu felt all the fight drain out of him, leaving him exhausted and empty. He couldn't bear to look straight at Remus, he didn't deserve the love he knew he'd see there, but he also couldn't pull away. Remus has asked, no, begged him, and Sirius had never learned to say no.

He nodded, once, rather jerkilly, then let him self crumple forward against Remus' chest. He dug his fingers into the smaller boys shirt and held on for dear life. He wasn't sure he could do this, but for Remus, and for Peter and for James and, and for Lily, he would try.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

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[info]__wormy
2012-03-07 10:52 pm UTC (link)
Rather then dwell on the matter further, and let himself stop and over think what had happened -- to worry all over again, break down and cry fully...-- Peter rubbed against his eyes, forgetting the dried blood there, forgetting, momentarily, that he was within sight range of his friends.

Peter was always the weakest of the four, however he had tried not to show it too much. Right now, he couldn't be arsed to care.

Swallowing, he took a step back, moved away and tugged his blanket free from his bed. Bringing it back over to Sirius and Remus, he pushed it onto his hurt friend, cover a slight portion of Remus' lap as well, from their close position.

Warmth seemed to help during Remus' full moon cycles, and pain was pain.... Peter only assumed it would help with this too.

When he spoke, his words were directed to Remus, rather then Sirius. "D--do you think, he'll be...alright?"

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