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Oct. 2nd, 2022 @ 05:12 pm Private
I have been dreading this year for so long. As well I should. It is as awful as I remember it and different than I remember it. Potter seems to be both actively avoiding me and managing to keep himself unremarkable. I remember him being a much bigger pain in the arse. Of course, this is a different child. A child who grew up with James as his father. This one is not as desperate to prove himself, he, like his father, doesn't seem to think he needs to prove himself at all. Both versions of Harry Potter are cocky but in completely different ways. The differences are disconcerting.

And I wonder how much this one knows. Did they tell him everything or nothing? I can't tell. I need to get him into a detention so as to secure time with him in which I could ask a few questions. But as yet, he has not done anything to warrant detention. Another difference.
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Jul. 22nd, 2014 @ 10:20 pm (no subject)
I truly dislike the idleness of summer holidays. I do however like the nearly empty castle. Except for finding a used condom in the astronomy tower. Filch needs to hurry with the summer cleaning.
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Jul. 24th, 2013 @ 09:31 pm (no subject)
Private
I knew, intellectually, that I didn't really have a lot of true friends, but as long as Lily was around it wasn't quite so painfully obvious. She was the only friend I needed. With her gone, and the students back home, I don't really know what to do with myself. Now I have nothing but time to consider all the possibilities of how the future has changed. (And how it's continuing to change, probably drastically, with Harry Potter now living with his infant self. I can't imagine the damage to time and space he is doing.) I am going to have to find something to do to keep from grabbing Harry Potter by the throat and demanding he tell me everything. Though I have not the first clue what that something will be.
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May. 8th, 2013 @ 02:59 pm 8 May 1982
Private
The plan to bury myself in work has mostly been a success. The more work I give my students the more work I have. The potions classes after the death of Lily Potter are going to historically be my most thoroughly and intensely taught classes. The students hate me.

And the year is quickly drawing to a close and I’m going to have nothing but time on my hands. Despite how busy I’ve kept myself, I have not been able to control the obsessive thoughts about the future, and it’s history. I don’t know if -no, that’s wrong- I know I’m not going to be able to keep myself from questioning Harry Potter for information on how time has changed. Obviously it has, and now I am no longer privy to what’s to come. James didn’t die.That has got to completely change what happens when Harry starts Hogwarts. And Voldemort’s return. Dumbledore has practically shut me out. Things are not progressing the same. I need to know.

I miss her so much. This hole in my chest is never going to heal. That much, I know, will never change.
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Sep. 2nd, 2012 @ 03:57 pm Sunday 2 September 1981
Starting my second year of teaching. I imagine I learned as much from the students last year as they did from me. Which is to say, I am wholly prepared for this year.

Private
Which is really to say, I am prepared for the school year, I am not at all ready for what is going to happen next month. I can't believe this is about to happen. Again. I don't know if I'll be able to survive the heartache of her dying again. I'm so worried about being able to save her that I have almost told her several times. I just-- things are happening more slowly, I'm fairly sure they were already in hiding by this time, last time. I'm starting to get headaches when ever I think about it. I wonder if Harry is experiencing the same thing.

Lily
How is your mother? How are you?
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Feb. 3rd, 2012 @ 09:31 pm 3 February 1981
Hexed against students at Hogwarts
How can you fail to remember your cauldron everyday? Even after being given detention everyday for a week, still today you show up without it again. I'm very close to dropping the pretense that I like all the students, and that they should all be treated equally. Things are about to get very serious in my classroom.

Private
A man I have a memory of in the future has died. He was a teacher at Hogwarts, and I have no memory of another teacher, but there would have had to have been. I don't know what to make of this, or what it may mean. I've tried to ignore it, but the possibilities of a devastating impact won't leave me alone. I'm very close to going to talk to Dumbledore. He knows that Harry and Draco were time-traveling, but as far as I know, he has no idea that I was affected by it as well. I wonder how I can find out if this death has changed other things in the future. It's all very disquieting.

Private to Lily
How are you and Harry doing? Everyone healthy?
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Jan. 11th, 2012 @ 01:33 am Monday night/Tuesday morning 3am
Private to Lily
Mum died on Sunday, Dragon Pox got her and she was gone in just a few days. My wonderful father didn't bother to let me know because he couldn't call and refused to use an owl. So I learned of her death when I went to have dinner with her for my birthday tonight. I hate that man.
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Dec. 15th, 2011 @ 11:50 pm 15 December 1980
Private
Bloody bloody bloody hell. He did it. That constant source of pain in my arse has told Lily and James who he is. One way or another Harry Potter is going to ruin my life. There is absolutely no other reason for her to have asked me those changing-the-course-of-the-future questions. Does she know she's going to die? If she does it's going to change everything. I can't protect her if she doesn't do what she did the first time around.

So now I have to find out from her just what she knows without giving away what I know. I have no idea how to go about doing that.
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Sep. 17th, 2011 @ 06:45 pm 17 September 1980
Lily
Thank you so much for the gift. I thought the first week had gone great, until that student wrote the letter to the Prophet. Between the paper, and the journals, and the snickering... At first it was a bit difficult to separate who I am now with who I was last time I was within those walls. But things seemed to have evened out some. I don't think I'm a favorite teacher, but they will know potions.

How is the baby?
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Sep. 11th, 2011 @ 02:24 am Sunday
Private
She might have succeeded in making Dumbledore aware of how many detentions I gave out, (Everyone of which was deserved, as I feel Dumbledore will agree when I tell him of each account.)and I might have to scale back on how quickly I give them, but I will have no qualms in making sure that every one that I do give out goes to her. She deserves it if for nothing other than giving Potter and Black an opening that was obviously too good to resist. I'm rather disappointed about that, I had almost bought that Potter had gotten past that sort of behaviour and had grown up. I knew he couldn't be trusted. The point is- Carla McGinley is going to be very sorry she tri- messed with me. She has no idea how tightly the feelings of being humiliated and bullied my entire life have clung on. And now I have power.
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Sep. 8th, 2011 @ 11:59 am Thursday 8 September 1980
Hexed against all Hogwarts students
The first week is almost over and I believe it has gone fairly well. There were a couple of days of boundary pushing, but I quickly let them know that I was not one to be trifled with. I do find it sort of amazing how many come with such little knowledge of magic. And I'm not just talking about the muggle-borns.
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Aug. 3rd, 2011 @ 02:38 pm Wednesday 3 August 3 1980
Lily
Congratulations, your son is beautiful. I would love to come visit and meet him once you get settled in.

Also, I finally heard from Dumbledore, he has offered me the position of Potions professor. I really thought he had passed on hiring me.



Private
I know what is going to happen. (Though I was a bit scared that something had been done to change to course of history.) I have done this before, I don't get the position I want for another sixteen years. Since my awareness cuts off at the moment of the Dumbledore's death I don't actually know how long I have the DADA job, but considering the cursed nature of the position, and even more, that I kill Dumbledore, I can't imagine I still work at Hogwarts. And yet despite knowing all of this, I am still terribly disappointed that I didn't get the Dark Arts position now.
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Jul. 19th, 2011 @ 07:21 pm Tuesday 19 July 1980
Slughorn retiring. I cannot imagine what he is going to do after teaching there for over 40 years.


Lily
I am assuming you got an invitation to Slughorn's last party. Are you going to be able to make it?

Private
A dinner party invitation, but no job offer. I am going to give it until Friday before I start to panic (too much) about time changing.
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Jul. 14th, 2011 @ 03:05 am 14 July 1980
Shouldn't ability at least be as important as age?


Private
That went off as if it had been previously written. I was almost caught again, but managed to escape just as the proprietor spotted me, but before he could get to me.

Knowing exactly how the Dark Lord will proceeded, and what it means made telling Him about the prophesy this time far more difficult. And I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to see Lily just before I went to do all of this. She was all I could see the whole time. There is just not any room at all for mistakes in this undertaking. I can't live through her dying again.

Lily
Let me know in the morning how everything worked for you. They can be adjusted, if need be.
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May. 28th, 2011 @ 02:32 am (no subject)
I feel like I've been waiting for this summer for a very long time.

Lily
I noticed how uncomfortable you were last week. If you need to suspend our dinners until you are ready, after Harry the baby is born, please do. You shouldn't do anything that's difficult right now.

Narcissa
How are you feeling? Has the boredom, or Lucius, driven you mad yet? Is there anything I can do for you?


Private
I have been wracking my brain trying to recall the date that I over-heard the prophesy the first time around. I know it was before Harry and Neville were born. But that's all I have. How am I to keep the time-line on track if I can't remember when anything is suppose to happen. What bloody good is being affected by a time spell if I can't control it.

I suppose, I'll contact Dumbledore and hope that he makes the appointment to interview me at the same time he has made it to interview Sybill. And if he doesn't, then I guess I'll be taking up residents at the Hogs Head, until they show up. I wonder how much it would change things if I don't actually stay to hear the prophesy. I could do without the getting caught by Aberforth and tossed out of the pub. I know what she is going to say, I just need to make sure she is saying it then I could just leave.

And Draco's birth is impending, as well.

The waiting is painful.
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May. 5th, 2011 @ 05:32 pm (no subject)
{Backdated to the day after this.}

Death Eaters
James and Lily Potter do not have the Sword of Gryffindor under their bed. And the ease with which Potter let me into his house, and left me alone, I believe, says they do not have possession of it at all, under the bed or anywhere in the house.
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Feb. 20th, 2011 @ 11:46 pm (no subject)
Dumbledore has been annoyingly busy of late.

( Private )
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Jan. 6th, 2011 @ 10:39 pm 6 January 1980
I am resolving to find a new source of income this year. And not just a job, but a career. I realised, when I was home for Christmas, that I am no longer the same tormented child I have always been.

Lily
Tell me what you would like to eat this week when we have dinner. I'm at a loss since you are off most food lately.

I wanted to tell you- I saw my father for the first time in four months on Christmas. I hit him back. I don't think I'll be returning again. If I want to see my mother I will see her outside of his house.
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Dec. 11th, 2010 @ 09:46 pm 11 December 1979
( Private )

Lily
How are you feeling?
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Oct. 16th, 2010 @ 12:15 am 16 October 1979
On a lark, I took a vocational test today at the Ministry Employment Offices. They said I should be a teacher. I don't know if I agree, necessarily. I really don't think I have the patience for children.

Private
I still don't think I ever was, or will ever be, suited to teaching. Snot nosed little pains in the arse. But what choice do I have?

Lily should be pregnant any minute. Narcissa is pregnant. It is very strange knowing what will happen with those babies in the future.

I am not finding my love for her any less intense. It is painful spending time with her. And staying mum about how much I hate James is far more difficult than I imagined. It was much easier last time to hold-up by myself and seethe, and keep only DE company. I have to keep reminding myself not to rush things, and to bide my time. I almost wish James would be less understanding about her friendship with me. I do not want to like him or feel any sort of sympathy toward him.

Narcissa
How are you feeling?

Peter
Are you interested in trying the new bar in Diagon Alley with me?

Lily
I love you.
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