Can't decide which piece of gossip I love the most. Shocking stuff.

[Bole]
"Was he helping her home like a good lad?". You owe me a cup of coffee because I spat mine all over the paper whilst reading that. You still dallying with Abbott, then? Little scamp.

[Malfoy]
I haven't seen your name in the gossip column for ages, Malfoy. Fix that. Call it an early birthday present - you know your little adventures always put a smile on my face.

[Oberon]
Is Cousin Estella really shagging Longbottom? I hear he needs a Remembrall just to find -- [...] actually, no, I think that might have been Finnigan.