So do you want to hear something weird? For the first time in a VERY long time, I felt happy and accomplished today! And it all happened because I forced myself to crack my shell that I've built up. A shell of anger, fear and misery. A bad bad shell. Not a good one. Comprende?
I'm really effing tired but I still have more stuff to do before I go to bed, and I really need a break from that crap. So on we go.
I was worried today was gonna be bad. First off, I woke up 45 minutes late. Not a big deal, but I did want to shower before work. I didn't get that opportunity. Then when I went to make my lunch, I caused a massive avalanche of cookie sheets and muffin tins by picking up a loaf of bread. Yes, I am that awesome.
So I started out pretty crankily. Ha, crankily. But work went surprisingly well. I talked to a few people, got a bunch of work done... although the last hour was a drag because there was nothing to do. BUT it allowed time for social interaction. I actually talked to a lot of people where as normal I'd be quiet and keep to myself.
About 20 minutes before punch time, I had to change clothes because I had to go straight to school. I felt stupid though. My uniform is all black, so I went from that to tight khaki pants, a green tank top and a purple zip-up. I was really colorful and I felt like an attention whore. But I wasn't!! I had school, dammit. I still felt like I'd be judged though. But Diane, this really sweet woman I work with kept telling me how cute I was and that I looked like a Barbie doll. Haha, I love her, it was sweet.
So this good day vibe followed me to school, where it helped me to deliver a pretty good speech. I think the teacher thinks I'm a bit loopy, but on the plus side, he said he was going to rent Veronica Mars. Woo hoo!
Here at home I edited all my pictures for my portfolio while watching the new episodes of Bones and One Tree Hill (awww I want a Nathan :), and finishing up the first half of Apocalypse Now.
Now it's 11:10 pm and I still have to finish up my crap for the art show. It's not much, just have to mount something, but I'm so tired and blah.... I just want to... I don't know what I want to do. But I want to do it. Sleep or shower or something, lol. Maybe watch a lil something.
I don't know. Want to hear something stupid? There's a friend that I've been hanging out with quite a bit. We are quite close, but don't hold the bff titles. So... idk, it still makes me sad when I read her answer questions about her best friend... I mean it shouldn't, because we are really close. It just makes me feel like... I don't know, like there's a wall up there and that nothing I do can be good enough. But that's dumb, because it seems like I'm trying to beat out her best friend. I don't want to do that, though. But that's what it seems like. I guess I just need reassurance. A lot of it. Beh.
I really need to learn to keep up the happy vibes. I really want to be like Eddie at work. He's so happy and positive. I love it, that's how I want to be. I usually am like that, but lately not so much. I am trying though! I'm trying.