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Below are 8 journal entries, after skipping by the 40 most recent ones recorded in
Lia Rushden's InsaneJournal:
| Saturday, August 22nd, 2015 | |
| 3:25 pm | Siete [Hexed to Mel] So like... do you know what in the actual fuck is going on with this sham of a wedding? |
| Thursday, August 20th, 2015 | |
| 8:44 pm | Seis ooc: written late at night. Definitely think I broke my hand. But in my defense, it wasn't my fault. There's only so much ass pinching, cat calling, and creepy whispered compliments in my ear a girl can take before she punches someone in the nose as hard as humanly possible. Downside? I am a wet noodle. Can someone get me a band aid and a whiskey? |
| Wednesday, August 19th, 2015 | |
| 1:39 pm | Cinco Dear Witch Weekly, Otherwise known to the masses as Gossip Trash Shit Bin and Friends. If you're going to call yourself a gossip rag, I think you need to be schooled in the ways of writing. Like seriously, where did you learn your gossip skills, the gutter? Daycare? You can do better than this. Anyway, for future reference, here are some better headlines that will definitely capture the attention of your readers. These are just suggestions, mind you, and they are all trademarks of Rushden INC. My brilliant headline making skills are always up for purchase, however, at the right price. Suggestions: 1. Cthulhu the Dark Lord Rises from Slumber, Eats Tea and Crumpets at London Hot Spot. Sinners Repent Before He Gains a Taste for Human Blood. 2. Debilitating Cases of Erectile Dysfunction Linked to Martian Chemical in Chocolate Frogs. 3. Normal, Heterosexual Couple Gives Birth to 10 Headed Baby Hippogriff in Mungo's Top Secret Ward. 4. Beauty and the Beast Based on Real Life Events of Overly Hairy Hogwarts Graduate. Details at 9. 5. Minister of Magic Eats Radioactive Bertie Bots, Sprouts Wings, Becomes Supreme Overlord. See how much more exciting and readable that is? Your fan base will literally double, according to a statistical study done in by bathroom sink by amoeba, and you can't argue with those results. Also, you're welcome. |
| Monday, August 17th, 2015 | |
| 11:59 am | Cuatro The world is officially ending. |
| Friday, August 14th, 2015 | |
| 7:17 pm | A proposition for the masses (Tres) Well... okay, that sounds dirty. Not that kind of proposition. I'm not that kinda gal, contrary to popular belief, so please pull your respective heads out of the gutter. Really, I'm calling all eligible males (or females, whatever, I'm not picky) to take me out to dinner tonight. There is a very low chance I will kiss you, I may or may not provide the best company or be a decent conversationalist, and I will consume massive amounts of food which I will then in turn expect you to pay for. However, the perks of such of a deal for you, the acceptee, is I will provide for things like... mediocre eye candy! Also, I will most likely make fun of everyone in said restaurant (except you, dear future companion)- possibly provide a low level amount of entertainment. Finally, I will use my never ending stores of useless knowledge and facts to fascinate and impress you. So I mean... let's be real here. Who isn't taking me out tonight? Right? Right? On a more serious note, help me. I'm poor and hungry and instant noodles only provide one with so much before atrophy and bone density begin to break down. And would you really want to be responsible for my untimely demise? Death by sodium? Here lies Ophelia, found face down in a pile of nothing but dust and broken hopes and dreams, a most tragic way to go. Don't let this be on your consciences, my friends. Help the needy. |
| Tuesday, August 11th, 2015 | |
| 8:33 pm | Dos Someone get come hammered with me. Apparently people stare at you in disgust when you drink by yourself. Judgmental bitches. Also, barking at them is not recommended. The bartender gets testy. Who would have thought? |
| Monday, August 10th, 2015 | |
| 8:21 pm | Uno Looking for work. Hard physical labor offers need not apply. Perks of having me as an employee: I'm good at eating more food than a man, drinking like a fish, sleeping until 2 PM, and offering sarcastic comments in lieu of advice. Those are marketable life skills, right? I'd hire me, just sayin'. |
| Friday, August 7th, 2015 | |
| 7:16 pm | ( Ophelia Rushden ) |