Friday, March 12th, 2010
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8:03 pm
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And lo, Big T's request would make it back to Wayne. Neatly written on a sheet of plain copy paper.
I want a dodo bird. Not stuffed. Alive and healthy.
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, March 9th, 2010
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4:43 pm
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Big T would have no problem returning his census form by certified same day mail. The form itself looks like a cigar has been put out on it half a dozen times. Making the lazily scrawled "EAT MY ASS" a little difficult to read.
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(comment on this)
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Monday, March 8th, 2010
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4:34 pm
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[Private]
The Spruce Goose
A necklace made of weapons grade Plutonium
Hitler's mustache hair.
Robot unicorn
The Titanic (would make a great lawn ornament)
A real typing monkey
A volcano
The Mona Lisa (to glue Hitler's mustache hair on)
Fuck a duck. This is hard.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010
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5:08 pm
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Got sent a golden fucking ticket. Life is sublime.
[Sent to Wally at the office]
A rather fishy smelling crate and a note.
Found this mostly dead kind of twitchy pale thing. It reminded me of you.
- Big T
P.S.
Architect said that the statue could not be 343,234,325 feet tall.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, February 21st, 2010
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5:41 pm
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Six days. Six glorious days and March Madness begins. Time to pack my suitcase and blow this popsicle stand.
[Seltzer]
Make sure the hobo gets his keys.
[Bry]
You know what they say. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
[Valdez]
DIAF
[Jimmy]
More ammo. I want to buy some.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, February 1st, 2010
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7:27 pm
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Tuesday, January 26th, 2010
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5:23 pm
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By the grace of me I have had a most glorious vision. All will be revealed in time, my loyal llamas.
But first, a smoke break.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
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5:19 pm
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Sorry 'bout the showgirls, Seth. I can buy you new ones if you like.
SELTZER! TO THE BATMOBILE!
[Sent to Bry]
I know you can't stop thinking about me.
- Big T
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(10 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, January 10th, 2010
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10:18 am
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I'm going back to Vegas. Don't call me.
[Assistant's to Do List]
1. Buy new office chairs
2. Find that thing, you know what I'm talking about
3. Buy more ammo. *For ALL the guns
4. Go see Jenny Craig
Upon arriving at the office on Monday morning the assistant will find the top three floors a utter wreck. Looks like a herd of elephants had run through the place and had a party with some gorillas. It goes without saying she will have to get everything cleaned up.
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, January 2nd, 2010
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9:49 am
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gadasknbkeafg eatiajegvb RALGNABlknCVLBLB
((Why yes, Big Tobacco is currently using his head to type.))
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(27 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
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5:18 pm
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Sunday, December 20th, 2009
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12:54 pm
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Christmas it's the best time of the year. Say hello to the friends you know and have a....!
Shit. I'm out of ammo.
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(comment on this)
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Friday, December 11th, 2009
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7:56 pm
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[Desmond]
A baker's dozen, my man. They are all yours.
[/end]
Trash is looking a little full. Monkey, it's time to call the hobo.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 9th, 2009
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6:05 pm
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Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
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6:58 pm
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So who wants a church to desecrate for Christmas?
Not even the baby Jesus' tears stops a foreclosure.
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, November 19th, 2009
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7:45 am
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Take a deep breath, kiddies, and remember that no matter how much you hate daddy he still loves you.
I think we can all agree. A world without Big T isn't worth living in.
Monkey! We've got a memorial service to attend on Friday and metric ton of meetings with the insurance carriers, law marshmellows and the baby Jesus.
Extra crispy, Valdez. Come and get it you loud mouthed son of a bitch.
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(15 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, November 12th, 2009
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9:37 pm
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Monday, November 2nd, 2009
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8:57 pm
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Grenade launchers and a Duke of Hell.
I think I'll buy a unicorn next.
Hey, Slick! I'M COMING FOR YOU.
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(32 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, October 25th, 2009
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12:48 pm
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Friday, October 23rd, 2009
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12:42 pm
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Rattlesnake in my boots this morning.
Monkey, are you trying to kill me? If so it's time for a raise.
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(23 comments | comment on this)
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